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Original poster

not happy with dp ejaculating on me last night

147 replies

thewrongstuff · 17/08/2011 10:56

I've namechanged for this, obviously.

So, we were foreplaying last night, all going fine. Then dp accidently pulled my hair. It was really sore and totally killed the mood for me so we stopped for a minute. Then I started masturbating both of us, lying on our backs. We do that quite regularly and I was happy to finish the job. But then dp sat up and kneeled perpendicular to me and removed my hand from his penis. I could sense things were heading a way I wasnt comfortable with but I was close to orgasm, so was distracted. He shoved one hand inside me and masturbated himself with the other. I came very quickly but then he just came all over my chest. I found it really demeaning and felt used. He handed me a tissue but it was all over the place. He knows that I haven't liked this in the past and now I feel quite resentful that he pushed my boundaries/broke my trust. I said he was a pervert and turned the duvet to give him the yukey bit.

I'm now thinking I probably wont do the mutual masturbation thing again because I cant trust him not to take it too far. I dont give him blow jobs anymore because I cant trust him to be clean and not thrust into my mouth.

The thing is, though, I'm not some prude! I've had dozens of one night stands, threesomes, anal, bondage, outdoor fun, allsorts. Dp is the 'vanilla' one in our relationship. He refuses to try several things I'd like, which I accept as being a compromise for being in the relationship (6yrs). I suppose I feel that it is unfair that sex seems so much on his terms and under his control.

He is like a brick wall to talk to so I have no idea how to address these issues, MNers help me!

OP posts:
MrsHicks · 17/08/2011 11:09

I suppose I feel that it is unfair that sex seems so much on his terms and under his control.
You say that, but you wanted things to proceed and finish on your terms and under your control, didn't you? Surely both people get to act/react in a sexual situation and do what works for them? (Up to a point, obviously)

To a certain extent, I can understand how if you've told him you have a specific issue with him coming on you, but I don't think it's fair to call him a pervert and labelling him not 'clean' for thrusting in your mouth during a blow job. People let themselves go during sex and while that's not an excuse to do something inexcusable or way over someone's boundaries, neither of the examples seem particularly out of place in normal sexual behaviour where someone is having a good time and not consciously analysing about every single thing they're doing while being lost in the moment.

I think that coming on someone like that can be demeaning, but it's all about context, intent and the relationship between two people - what specifically was demeaning about it? I'm assuming it's an otherwise loving, healthy relationship.

SirSugar · 17/08/2011 11:16

I don't get it? you both enjoyed an orgasm and he didn't just ejaculate all over you without stimulating you at the same time?

A fresh stack of hand towels in the bedroom is by far better than tissues for post sexual clean up btw

Original poster
thewrongstuff · 17/08/2011 11:34

Mrs, no actually. I wanted to have sex. The mutual masturbation thing was a compromise when he rolled away after i complained that he'd hurt me. He's the one whos really into mm, i prefer sex. He knows that.

When i said he is unclean, i meant it literally. He never washes under his foreskin so his penis stinks!

We do have control issues in general in our relationship. It seems like now sex is one of the battle grounds.

Sir- i didnt enjoy my orgasm, he ruined it. I was stimulating myself. His clumsy stabbings were an unwelcome distraction.

OP posts:
SirSugar · 17/08/2011 11:43

Shock have you told him his penis stinks? I wouldn't have that anywhere near the inside of me if hes not cleaning it properly; that is absolutely disgusting.

Yes, it does sound like there is a lot more going on here that you need to address. Do you have DCs?

MrsHicks · 17/08/2011 11:47

Ahh, that does add more context to it and it sounds like the issue is the control like you say. Are you more dissatisfied about the things you want that he won't try that you've compromised on?

BertieBotts · 17/08/2011 11:48

It doesn't matter if this is a really common thing that others enjoy, if you don't like it and you've told him you don't like it, he shouldn't be doing it. I'd expect any partner to ask before ejaculating on, in or anywhere that is likely to affect me, unless it was a longstanding thing that we had an unspoken agreement about.

He sounds vile. If you are heading into "control issues" with sex, I think you need to make it very very clear you aren't going to have sex with him at all - please be careful.

Malificence · 17/08/2011 11:51

Why would you even want to touch his cock if it's as stinky as you say?

Do you normally communicate so badly during sex? When he altered his position/removed your hand, did he not speak, did you not ask him what he was doing?

It sounds very odd tbh.
You both need to work on your communication skills.

thesunshinesbrightly · 17/08/2011 11:51

Shock at the big deal you are making out of it!

But i agree about the issue with the dirty penis

AKissIsNotAContract · 17/08/2011 11:51

Is he aware that you don't give him blow jobs because his penis stinks. What man wouldn't be prepared to have a 'gentleman's wash' if a bj was on offer?

steamedtreaclesponge · 17/08/2011 11:53

He sounds massively inconsiderate, to say the least - and focussed solely on his own pleasure, too. I'm sure he prefers mm to sex - he doesn't have to do any of the work! I'm not surprised you feel used after him coming on your chest, with no discussion - if it's something you would enjoy too, fine, but him just doing it to you is demeaning. Does he use porn?

The stinky penis thing is disgusting. Why are you letting him anywhere near you if it's that bad?

Malificence · 17/08/2011 11:53

"What man wouldn't be prepared to have a 'gentleman's wash' if a bj was on offer?"

A very selfish one with no respect for his partner.

RealityVonCrapp · 17/08/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ineedabodytransplant · 17/08/2011 11:58

Bloody hell, I have never had a bj. No woman has been near my penis in a long, long time(no-one has been near my penis except meWink)

And I am paranoid about the possibility that I haven't washed the damn thing properly. In fact some times I wash it too wellBlush

I live in hopeWink

Original poster
thewrongstuff · 17/08/2011 12:01

Mal, i dont notice it unless my nose is near. We use condoms for sex. Hes not a talker during sex, it's all v quiet. Ive tried to get him into sex talk but he refuses.

Bertie- but the no sex thing would be fine with him. Im the horney one who wants lots more and is getting contunually turned down.

Mrs- yes i do think id be happy to do that particular act if it was in the context of mutual trust and both sides were willing to compromise on p4eferences. I feel like all the concessions have come from me.

Sir- we have 2, want another one at some point in the future.

OP posts:
PeopleCallMeTricky · 17/08/2011 12:02

There seem to be quite a few people saying that the op should put up with her partner doing things to her that she has previously told him that she doesn't like and doesn't want him to do, and that she is overreacting by being upset about that Shock
I feel sorry for people who think that is ok. What kind of sex lives and relationships do you have?

HairyGrotter · 17/08/2011 12:04

I'm with RealityVonCrapp.

I know that even when close to orgasiming, any slight distraction will ruin my 'flow' and I will cease to remain aroused.

I think you're looking too much into it, and to call him a pervert is a little much. I hate it when I get cum on me but it's a hazard of the circumstance, he didn't pin you down and give you a Bukakke bath

Malificence · 17/08/2011 12:11

I'm dry heaving at the thought of spunky hand towels SS.

This is one of those things that, in a healthy relationship, isn't really much of an issue, sometimes things just happen in the heat of the moment , however in this case, the relationship seems to be on dodgy ground and the little things are a big deal because they are just more evidence of a general lack of respect and selfishness.

MrsHicks · 17/08/2011 12:13

PeopleCallMeTricky, I don't think anyone's said that. I said I didn't think it sounded too bad, but asked a question about what made it so bad for her and OP added more detail which I said thought added more context and pointed to bigger issues than the particular act.

SirSugar · 17/08/2011 12:15

Now understand why I prefer my men cut

SirSugar · 17/08/2011 12:17

stick em straight in the wash afterwards. Tissues are too small Mal Grin

PeopleCallMeTricky · 17/08/2011 12:17

Op said "he knows I haven't liked this in the past" and she felt that he pushed her boundaries and broke her trust. Maybe I'm naive but that sounds quite bad to me. He did something to her that he knew she didn't like.

tadpoles · 17/08/2011 12:19

Urrggggghhh I think I have gone off sex - is it just me or is there way too much information here? Stinky penis - eeeeeeeek!

HairyGrotter · 17/08/2011 12:22

Thing is, we're being drip fed stuff (excuse the pun) so initially what I read sounds a little 'PANIC' for nothing, he got carried away. What if he was going down on her, she came and gushed (without control which happens) and he got offended because he felt used?

This place is really eye opening...from the OP it seems he got carried away and lost in the moment, but I find it amazing that despite this "I could sense things were heading a way I wasnt comfortable with but I was close to orgasm, so was distracted" I can't cum when uncomfortable personally so find it a little alien

BooyHoo · 17/08/2011 12:23

i'm with bertie here. regardless of what the act was, OP had already told her partner that she didn't like it. he should have taken that to mean that it was off limits until further notice. it doesn't matter that it was only spunking over her. it was something he decided he was going to do regardless of her feelings and that isn't acceptable.

BertieBotts · 17/08/2011 12:46

I didn't mean withdraw sex as a punishment (game playing is not my thing) I just meant if he's riding roughshod over your feelings, that is worrying. I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but the fact he's disregarding your feelings on ANY issue sexually is not so far removed from rape, really. I am worried that if he thinks this kind of thing is in any way acceptable, there's a high chance he will keep pushing until something happens that makes you feel even worse than demeaned, used and resentful, as you feel now, and yet because it has progressed so slowly, you will be left wondering if he really is in the wrong or if you are making a fuss over nothing. (You aren't, BTW, even if others on this thread think so.)

This is not your fault, but I think it would be foolish to continue sleeping with him now you are aware of his attitude towards your feelings. And if that means ending the relationship I think it would be justified.