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not happy with dp ejaculating on me last night

147 replies

thewrongstuff · 17/08/2011 10:56

I've namechanged for this, obviously.

So, we were foreplaying last night, all going fine. Then dp accidently pulled my hair. It was really sore and totally killed the mood for me so we stopped for a minute. Then I started masturbating both of us, lying on our backs. We do that quite regularly and I was happy to finish the job. But then dp sat up and kneeled perpendicular to me and removed my hand from his penis. I could sense things were heading a way I wasnt comfortable with but I was close to orgasm, so was distracted. He shoved one hand inside me and masturbated himself with the other. I came very quickly but then he just came all over my chest. I found it really demeaning and felt used. He handed me a tissue but it was all over the place. He knows that I haven't liked this in the past and now I feel quite resentful that he pushed my boundaries/broke my trust. I said he was a pervert and turned the duvet to give him the yukey bit.

I'm now thinking I probably wont do the mutual masturbation thing again because I cant trust him not to take it too far. I dont give him blow jobs anymore because I cant trust him to be clean and not thrust into my mouth.

The thing is, though, I'm not some prude! I've had dozens of one night stands, threesomes, anal, bondage, outdoor fun, allsorts. Dp is the 'vanilla' one in our relationship. He refuses to try several things I'd like, which I accept as being a compromise for being in the relationship (6yrs). I suppose I feel that it is unfair that sex seems so much on his terms and under his control.

He is like a brick wall to talk to so I have no idea how to address these issues, MNers help me!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/08/2011 22:02

it's raining here !

BettySwalloxs · 17/08/2011 22:06

Blimey, this is the best thread I've seen in ages......I nearly gagged on my tea with some of the comments...

Back to the original concern of the OP, the issue is one of respect and consent.

The OP, whether she has had sex with 12 men and a donkey is immaterial. She said she didn't like/want ejaculating on and DP nonetheless continued. If my missus was in OP's shoes, quite apart from thereafter being on the sofa for a fortnight, she would probably take a wire brush and paraffin to my rancid stilton encrusted cock.

thewrongstuff · 17/08/2011 22:46

Omg what happened to this thread?!

I never even saw some of the posts that were deleted. Im in 2 minds about whether to even bother replying to anyone anymore since it seems to be giving some nasty people ammunition to be bitchy. I came onto therelationship board (not aibu) because i obviously have relationship issues i need help with. It's a shame that the actual good advice has got lost in this mire of vitriol.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/08/2011 22:51

mire of vitriol Grin

a bit over-egged that one...less is more, dontcha know

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 18/08/2011 07:33

OI! I was deleted.

Fuck's sake. Bloody shyte.

AnyFucker · 18/08/2011 07:36

bag'o'shoite, in actual fact

ThePosieParker · 18/08/2011 07:59

OP. I think it's pretty normal to have lines and boundaries in sex that don't always make sense to others....

Talking is the key to any relationship issue, within reason, and you have to get over the discomfort. Perhaps write it down, reading it aloud may help.

FlyMeToTheMooncup · 18/08/2011 08:00

SaulGood - pray tell this info on cleaning under foreskins? (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type)

DH's foreskin is quite long and doesn't retract even during sex. Unless we are not using condoms (which was only when we were TTC) is that normal? He's never had any infections and it's not disgusting but I'm not sure it's being looked after IYSWIM! His dad wasn't around much (military) so I daresay nobody ever told him this stuff, and I have no clue as I have been with DH since my teens so can't compare with other men.

Also am I supposed to be doing anything particular to clean my DS'? He's nearly 2. When he was born the MW said just to wipe round the penis.

Thanks Blush

On the subject of the OP that wouldn't bother me but the fact hewent against your wishes and was withholding sex as a punishment is worrying.

SirSugar · 18/08/2011 08:18

get ye sons circumcised ladies then there is one less thing to worry about.

I really do don't have foreskinaphobia

ThePosieParker · 18/08/2011 08:32

Yes ladies unnecessarily severe bits of your sons!! A bit of mutilation doesn't hurt anyone. Hmm

HairyGrotter · 18/08/2011 08:38

I like a foreskin, lets me know where I'm 'at' with the whole wanking a man off thing.

SaulGood · 18/08/2011 09:37

Fly, I don't know in your case. Part of me thinks if it ain't broke don't fix it, but has he ever been told why it doesn't retract? Does it cause problems/pain? Ever caused issues with sex? To be brutally frank, if he had hygiene issues, you'd know. Through smell, appearance and infections (yours in particular).

Your ds's penis, leave well alone. It's not ready to retract yet and he'll know when it is. You do just need to wipe round and teach him to do the same. A good swish and wipe in the bath is sufficient.

Helltotheno · 18/08/2011 10:52

OP sorry to have contributed to the derailment of your thread, wasn't meant badly Blush

Maybe you and your dh should get some psycho-sexual counselling? Sex is messy and it's hard to see how you can get around it at all if you both have issues with bodily fluids etc. Also, how can you communicate about it at all if you don't like using sexual words? Maybe someone can help you both with that...

Re the lack of hygiene issue, you should make it clear to your dh that he needs to sort that out. He should 'own' the problem, it's not up to you to sort it out for him. If he needs to see someone in the interests of improving things for both of you in that area, he should just be an adult and take care of it. You need to be more blunt with him about that issue.

Malificence · 18/08/2011 11:43

Flymeto... You've honestly never seen your DH wash himself? Shock
DH simply pulls his foreskin back, uses plenty of soap to wash/ then rinses (well swishes around in the bath/sink) and finally puts his foreskin back - that's all the maintainance it requires.

Perhaps the OP's partner wouldn't have such a tight (and stinky) foreskin if he actually washed as it would naturally stretch the skin?
SS, circumcision for no good medical reason is barbaric, and circumcised cocks look horrible , foreskins are lovely, the skin is all silky.

annababy · 18/08/2011 12:11

Mal-circumcised penises look horrible in your opinion.
Not everyones.

Malificence · 18/08/2011 13:20

Well that's me told! Blush

They really* do though, not that I have any actual experience of one, it's just when we were watching Spartacus one night and I asked DH what was wrong with the actor's willy, DH told me that the guy was "shaved and circumcised" Shock I'd got to 44 without knowing what a circumcised man looked like. It looked pretty hideous (to me) tbh, like a bit of old leather.

AbbyAbsinthe · 18/08/2011 13:24

How rude! My bf is circumcised and I can assure you his penis doesn't look horrible Hmm

Malificence · 18/08/2011 13:27

Oh come on, a penis is hardly a thing of beauty, and don't get me started on scrotums.

BettySwalloxs · 18/08/2011 13:31

Speak for yourself- I give mine a damn good polishing most days.....

AbbyAbsinthe · 18/08/2011 13:31

I do agree with you to a certain extent - but I'd be pretty pissed off if someone said my vagina looked horrible. Plus, you've never actually seen one in real life!

AbbyAbsinthe · 18/08/2011 13:32

Anyway - we're detracting from the OP and her jizz covered tits. Where'd she go?

BettySwalloxs · 18/08/2011 13:34

Did anyone google Bukakke bath, by the way?

AbbyAbsinthe · 18/08/2011 13:38

I would love to Betty - but I am afeared of my work filter.

Malificence · 18/08/2011 13:46

I prefer nuru - it's better for the skin.

Do you use wire wool and brasso then Betty? I find it gives a good shine.

yoshiLunk · 18/08/2011 13:53

The medical term for OP's DPs condition I believe is frenulum breve, - a very short foreskin thread. Circumcision may not be necessary, frenuloplasty is another surgical procedure which may do the trick.

More than one way to skin a rabbit cure a stinky knob.