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Original poster

not happy with dp ejaculating on me last night

147 replies

thewrongstuff · 17/08/2011 10:56

I've namechanged for this, obviously.

So, we were foreplaying last night, all going fine. Then dp accidently pulled my hair. It was really sore and totally killed the mood for me so we stopped for a minute. Then I started masturbating both of us, lying on our backs. We do that quite regularly and I was happy to finish the job. But then dp sat up and kneeled perpendicular to me and removed my hand from his penis. I could sense things were heading a way I wasnt comfortable with but I was close to orgasm, so was distracted. He shoved one hand inside me and masturbated himself with the other. I came very quickly but then he just came all over my chest. I found it really demeaning and felt used. He handed me a tissue but it was all over the place. He knows that I haven't liked this in the past and now I feel quite resentful that he pushed my boundaries/broke my trust. I said he was a pervert and turned the duvet to give him the yukey bit.

I'm now thinking I probably wont do the mutual masturbation thing again because I cant trust him not to take it too far. I dont give him blow jobs anymore because I cant trust him to be clean and not thrust into my mouth.

The thing is, though, I'm not some prude! I've had dozens of one night stands, threesomes, anal, bondage, outdoor fun, allsorts. Dp is the 'vanilla' one in our relationship. He refuses to try several things I'd like, which I accept as being a compromise for being in the relationship (6yrs). I suppose I feel that it is unfair that sex seems so much on his terms and under his control.

He is like a brick wall to talk to so I have no idea how to address these issues, MNers help me!

OP posts:
yoshiLunk · 18/08/2011 13:54

by the way if you look up frenulum breve on wiki please prepare yourself for the detailed photos.

PamSco · 18/08/2011 14:04

This doesn't read like an issue about being spunked on. This reads to wider sex/communication issues building up.

I'm not going to comment on whether you are right or wrong to feel hacked off - you do so there we are. what do you do about it?

My initial response was going to be... You should have given him a big hug - shared the joy of being in a sticky mess - that can really annoy a man Wink

But I reckon you are past using humour in your sex life.

Original poster
thewrongstuff · 28/08/2011 11:20

I've been thinking a lot about this thread over the past couple of weeks.

I think the poster who said it sounded like id have prefered to have been alone kind of hit the nail on the head. For the past while I HAVE prefered diy sex to doing it with dp. I have to take some responsibility for things ending up like this. At the start of our relationship i didnt say anything when dp did things i didnt like. We just nevereshed sexually and i just let it slide.

Anyway since 'the incident' happened i havnt had the slightest inclination to resume sexual relations. The more i think about it, the more it feels like a kind of sexual assault, in that he did something without my consent. I have a history of sexual abuse, which dp knows about, and so i think i am hyper sensitive to these kinds of breaches of sexual trust.

Yesterday dp tried to touch me, the first time since, but i feigned tiredness. I even feel uncomfortable changing in front of him now. I really dont ever want to sleep with him again.

Goodness knows where i go from here. I still want to get married and have another child or two but what chance will i have of a hapy ending now as a single 30 something mum with 2 dcs and a hell of a lot of baggage.

OP posts:
Original poster
thewrongstuff · 28/08/2011 18:19

Maybe I should have started a new thread?

OP posts:
Eurostar · 28/08/2011 19:11

"Yesterday dp tried to touch me, the first time since, but i feigned tiredness. I even feel uncomfortable changing in front of him now. I really dont ever want to sleep with him again"

This strategy will never work. He is not a mind reader. If it is hard for you to say it out loud to him, then perhaps writing it down to explain it would be better?

Sorry to read of the abuse history. Have you ever talked to any dedicated volunteer helpline or professionals about it? If not, this is a good place to start:
www.napac.org.uk/

Lougle · 28/08/2011 20:33

I admit now, that I am verry vanilla.

But I can't understand what the difference between you masturbating both of you, and him masturbating both of you?

I read your OP, and see 'I was doing it, and he took over'. I honestly can't see why that is such a big deal.

As for where his ejaculate ended up....well it had to end up somewhere, and if he was over you, gravity dictates that your breasts would be where it would end up. You can hardly expect him to 'leave the moment' and direct his penis to the left, or something, can you?

You use the excuse of 'was kind of distracted because I was close to climax', but somehow, you expected him to have enough control to leave the distraction of being close to climax, to be able to direct his emissions elsewhere?

honeyandsalt · 28/08/2011 21:08

Oh gosh, well, really I think you need to talk to someone in RL, like your GP and/or relate. If you want to continue your marriage couples conselling may help you communicate. Or perhaps you could write stuff down if you can't speak to your H. It sounds like you have really low self-esteem too as well as continuing to be affected by your childhood Sad.

There are just so many issues here -

  • Your childhood abuse, which has impacted your sexual behaviour in later life, and also self-confidence. Have you had any counselling re:this?
  • Your H's lack of respect for your wishes with regard to his personal hygiene and lack of sensitivity when it comes to sexual activities you have expressly asked him not to undertake. Being charitable, it is possible that he read your arousal as consent to carry on? The only way to find out is to talk about it. To be quite honest, I'd be very upset and annoyed if my H did this to me when I'd said I didn't like it though, I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. The fact that you are hypersensitive makes it all worse not better.
  • Finally and potentially most seriously you mentioned "control issues" within your relationship. What did you mean by that, what's the problem there?

If you're certain your marriage is over for you, sticking in it solely because of low self-confidence isn't the best thing, no. You - and your children - are better off if you're happily alone than in a miserable relationship. True fact.

saggytummy · 29/08/2011 00:39

Ok the jizz thing on you isnt great but he could have just got caught up in the moment, what I find a bigger concern is a putrid penis, perhaps a pack of baby wipes kept nearby would be a good solution to both probs? Another thing to consider is if you do a blowy and he's a bit ripe get a big mouthful of water, say you've got dry mouth and keep the water in your gob then slowly release over his penis when its retracted. If he says wtf did you do that for, just say because I can..

saggytummy · 29/08/2011 00:42

and lmao at bukkake..been a while since heard that

Renaissance227 · 23/09/2011 14:55

This post is very strange!!!
Shock AND Confused AND Grin

TLD2 · 23/09/2011 16:29

The fact that neither of you can talk to the other is the main issue, I feel.
How are you supposed to know what you do or don't like? Or what you're attitudes are to anything?

If you can't talk to your spouse, who can you talk to?

xkittyx · 23/09/2011 18:34

Normally when someone posts here that they feel that their partner has sexually overstepped the mark/done something against their wishes they get sympathy.
I'm a bit appalled to see what was clearly upsetting to the OP get minimised, especially in light of the update.
People saying "sperm has to go somewhere"? He deliberately held her down and spunked all over her, despite her saying in the past that wasn't on. Not good :(

barkwithnobite · 23/09/2011 21:12

Reading between the lines - the op has gone off my DP! U need to sit down and talk with him. Can I ask where the cum would have gone if u had carried on the masturbation and he hadn't taken over?

barkwithnobite · 23/09/2011 21:13

*her dp

TheFlyingOnion · 23/09/2011 21:29

you called him a pervert?!

Wow, there's a passion (and confidence!) killer.... Confused

barkwithnobite · 23/09/2011 21:32

I keep asking DH to cum on me....I'm d perv in my relationship Grin

TheFlyingOnion · 23/09/2011 21:34

itches like a bugger once it dries...

xkittyx · 23/09/2011 21:46

I'd imagine being spunked on against your will is a bit of a passion and confidence killer as well.

nik75 · 23/09/2011 23:06

She said that she has done anal, threesomes etc but a bit of sperm on her boobs is annoying her?? Sorry not judging anyone who does it but I'd prefer sperm on my body than a d* up my arse!! and as for pulling hair, I love it when my DH pulls on mine lol!

Mmm seems a bit strange, I don't think it's the actual act itself but the person doing it....just saying!

buzzskillington · 23/09/2011 23:10

I think you should start another thread, TheWrongStuff, if you want replies to your more recent post. You can always link to this one if you think people need the background.

BertieBotts · 23/09/2011 23:19

Agree with buzzs - looks like some people are reading the OP and the new post has got lost in those replies. Though it's been about a month since you posted so perhaps things have changed already... I hope so :)

buzzskillington · 23/09/2011 23:37

Oh yeah, Bertie, so it was.

[Sigh] Old thread bumped for no apparent reason.

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