Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shy man ( I think)

169 replies

ithastobedone · 15/08/2011 22:32

Sorry to be a name changer. Not for any other reason than, I feel a bit of a twerp TBH.

Simple question really.

How best to let a bloke know that you fancy him? I have known him as a friend for years- it's come as a bit of a surprise to me even. When we are together socially we talk a lot and get along really well and he'll very often hug me.

I'm so out of the dating loop but we're both free; I think he likes me but he is very shy and I don't want to freak him out. What would you say to let him know?

Is it really daft to send him an email because I couldn't possibly bring myself to phone him.

He lives far enough away that I could avoid him if I make a complete arse of myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 23:56

Inexperienced doesn't begin to cover it Warlock! He can be a bit on the awkward side. A good example of his 'behaviour' is this..Most recently, he stayed with friends nearby when visiting and walked me to my house en route, after a night out.

I'm as much of a twat as he is; I should have dragged him in for a coffee BUT instead he gave me a very quick and very clumsy hug and it was all over like we were about 12!

I'm making him sound pretty unattractive here but he just doesn't realise how nice he is...Well I think he is.

OP posts:
Warlock · 20/08/2011 23:59

make an excuse to get him in, shifting furniture, whatever, then talk face to face !!!!!!!

TDada · 21/08/2011 00:00

How old is he? I do think the next step is to distract yourself with other bloke. Or possibility of other bloke? Or better yet some other excitement
would be even better. If you are not already a gym rat, then try some intense exercise like jogging for alternative endorphin fix. Social sport like tennis or exercise class is even better.

Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:04

Sounds ok TDada but this issue has to be settled one way or the other.

Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:11

Funny you are Warlock. "This issue has to be settled..."

He's 46!!! Never been married (how the hell would he?)

As it happens TDada, I am very busy in rl, busy like you wouldn't believe. I seem to be making time for this fiasco though!

OP posts:
TDada · 21/08/2011 00:14

Warlock- might sound perverse but I am fairly sure that best strategy is for OP to move on psychologically. This way OP will also project more confidence which will serve her well when she next meets him. Also protects her emotionally. Keeping options open/hedging bets is a good strategy in this scenario.

Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:18

Agreed, but if you don`t resolve this then you will always be wondering "what if"

Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:19

TDada, normally I would agree but this guy doesn`t look like he would respond to a "normal approach"

Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:22

TDada, message received and understood. You're right of course but I truly haven't been hankering after him for 10 whole years without let up.

It's been simmering and really gave me a jolt of realisation last week.

The message was sent to see how the land lies. If his feeling are not reciprocated I won't lose sleep I promise - though I will feel a twat! Grin

OP posts:
Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:25

As a man who is new to Mumsnet it appears that men get a pretty poor press overall. Is that fair ???

Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:26

If I haven't heard anything from him by Monday evening I will forget I ever sent the bloody message!

How about that?

OP posts:
Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:28

Oh Warlock, are you a bloke too?

Fair play to you; I have valued your input greatly!

OP posts:
TDada · 21/08/2011 00:29

I insist that you give him up tonight :-)

Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:29

I was last time I looked :)

Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:30

It seems that the male perspective is sadly absent from many threads on here !!!!

Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:32

TDada, tonight?

How about we split the difference? Tomorrow?

OP posts:
Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:35

Warlock, I think the male perspective is hugely important. I'm glad a couple of nice, patient blokes have seen fit to comment on my tedious little thread.

Thank you

OP posts:
Warlock · 21/08/2011 00:38

Not tedious for you though, always happy to give my two pennerth :)

Original poster
ithastobedone · 21/08/2011 00:41

Thanks and good night to all you kind m'ners x

OP posts:
Selks · 21/08/2011 00:50

.

TDada · 21/08/2011 07:25

ithastobedone- don't give us blokes special treatment/praise. You need to reverse your thinking and say how lucky all these blokes are to have your time and attention :-)

BTW has anyone found the bloody square bracket and asterisk on IPAD2 cos I haven't; obviously not built for MN........(stern face would be handy now).

msshapelybottom · 21/08/2011 09:06

This thread is lovely :)

Some good advice on here (especially about distracting yourself, moving on in your head so that you give off different "vibes" - could do with following that myself!!)

Facebook is a very frustrating way to ask someone something important because you don't really know if the message has been seen or not. I asked a guy out via facebook that I'd had a crush on for almost 2 years (we don't move in the same circles so it would have been difficult to talk in person) and he never replied. I spent quite a few weeks months wanting to quietly die inside but I don't even know if he saw my message or not.

Don't assume that because he hasn't replied that he's not interested.

DecapitatedLegoman · 21/08/2011 09:27

Rooting for you, OP!

lubeybooby · 21/08/2011 11:11

Oh OP... also rooting for you here

flatbellyfella · 21/08/2011 11:15

I have followed this right through & not
commented as I could see myself in his
position of not reading the signs of your
body language, I was once called
a "charmer" as an insult by a lady friend
who called on me one day unexpectedly,
and in her mind wanted me to Jump on
her.we are not mind readers, unfortunately
I was never again in her company alone &
Kicked myself for being an ass.shortly after
she became pregnant by her violent bf who
She has been dominated by ever since.
Anyway good luck in your quest to get
noticed.

Swipe left for the next trending thread