Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shy man ( I think)

169 replies

ithastobedone · 15/08/2011 22:32

Sorry to be a name changer. Not for any other reason than, I feel a bit of a twerp TBH.

Simple question really.

How best to let a bloke know that you fancy him? I have known him as a friend for years- it's come as a bit of a surprise to me even. When we are together socially we talk a lot and get along really well and he'll very often hug me.

I'm so out of the dating loop but we're both free; I think he likes me but he is very shy and I don't want to freak him out. What would you say to let him know?

Is it really daft to send him an email because I couldn't possibly bring myself to phone him.

He lives far enough away that I could avoid him if I make a complete arse of myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 16:50

Oh alright. I will take the advice given.

I will go now and decide what we're eating for dinner and forget about it.

Will come back if there's anything to report later.

I'll also lay off any alcohol this evening I think - too dangerously tempting!

OP posts:
adamschic · 20/08/2011 16:52

SOH, which means sit on hands and do NOT message him Grin.

BertieBotts · 20/08/2011 17:33

This is exactly the situation where you need to be busy so that you're not either dwelling on it or checking 32567 times! Do you have any friends you could invite over? Last minute babysitter so you can go out? Long and complicated project you could get involved in? (Even if it's something mundane like sorting out DC's old clothes)

PercyPigPie · 20/08/2011 18:04

Sad Really surprised at this. Really rude not to acknowledge it. Are you sure he was using Facebook and didn't just have it open? I often open it up and then go out and forget it (other people must think I am on there for hours Grin. Could he be gay?

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 18:47

Hi Mud. Well, he'd written one or two comments, so, I'm guesing he was there at the time.

I mean, if you have a PM it's flagged up in red isn't it, so he couldn't have missed it.

I'm a bit miffed, not least of all because it's so not like him to be rude; on the contrary he's overly polite to everyone.

And, I'm as sure as I can be he isn't gay.

OP posts:
PercyPigPie · 20/08/2011 19:46

I'm not sure it's that easy to see you have a message is it? Do you think he thinks you meant to send it to someone else if he is that self effacing?

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 20:05

I'll never be sure whether or not he received it, unless he mentions it next time I see him.

Put it this way...If he'd sent me similar and I wasn't remotely interested, I'd most definitely have told him in one way or another.

Anyway, my focus isn't entirely on him. I am just really puzzled as to WTF he's thinking.

OP posts:
PercyPigPie · 20/08/2011 20:43

Maybe he's not sure. Maybe he hasn't the confidence to have thought that you would be interested in him. Maybe he is thinking that actually, he may be interested in you, but that he doesn't want to risk your friendship ...

hellymelly · 20/08/2011 21:56

I don't read messages unless I check my email,maybe he hasn't read it yet? He is bound to respond, it would be bizarre if he didn't. If he really says nothing,when you next meet,you can say something like " I hope my message didn't freak you out" or something, and then he will either talk to you about it or he will not know what you are talking about and you can tell him !

BertieBotts · 20/08/2011 22:09

Does he use it on his phone? If I use mine on my phone I don't always think to look at the messages or notifications section.

I think you need to reserve judgement until you next see him being active on facebook, or you next speak. How often do you usually talk?

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 22:23

Hi again

I don't want to seem like I'm carping on but I do like to answer your points raised - it makes me feel better!

No Bertie, he accesses fb via his pc and he hasn't been on since midnight yesterday. God, I'm beginning to sound decidedly stalkerish.

I'm not sure when he last had a gf Mud...Ages ago I think; possibly years!

OP posts:
adamschic · 20/08/2011 22:23

Is it in your sent messages? If so then it has been received if not read.

I have said a similar thing on mumsnet before and been told I'm old fashioned but I personally don't do the asking with men and have a theory that if they like you, shy or not, they will let you know.

I hope this isn't the case here and he will reply favourably.

adamschic · 20/08/2011 22:27

Oh well he hasn't been on today so could be really busy Smile. How do you know when he last logged onto facebook btw? I didn't know you could stalk know this.

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 22:34

Yes it does appear in my sent box. And yes, I think he's seen it and put his head in his hands and freaked!

I NEVER do the asking as a rule either - I have never really had cause to, sorry if that sounds conceited - but things have just happened naturally in the past with men ie; they've done the asking.

What on earth was I thinking? He has very little experience with women and I'm probably a man-eater in his eyes!

OP posts:
pamplemousserose · 20/08/2011 22:35

Wow, hope this works out for you.

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 22:35

I'm not sure when he last logged in but I can see the time of his last posting.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 20/08/2011 22:42

FB is slow to update sometimes. People can show as being on for anything up to 10 minutes after they've logged out. He may not have seen your message before he went off FB.

Keep yourself busy, and just tell yourself that at least you tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is a very true saying. And you don't know for sure that he's read your message anyway.

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 22:51

Oh Sarah, thank you for that snippet. It sounds plausible and I would put a pound to a penny, he hasn't been anywhere near fb today and he'll be out tonight for sure.

I can't tell you how much better you have made me feel.

OP posts:
Warlock · 20/08/2011 23:25

Why are you assuming that he has his head in his hands, he might be trying to construct a reply !!!

Original poster
ithastobedone · 20/08/2011 23:31

I'm not sure. I think because he doesn't seem to have a gf EVER.

What poosible reason is there not to have a gf? Providing you're not gay (which he isn't).

He's a late starter, granted but he appears to have stopped dating altogether.

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 20/08/2011 23:32

Ooh- I really hope he sends you a great reply! I think it's great you messaged him- life is too short to play games. Fingers crossed for you

Warlock · 20/08/2011 23:37

If he is very inexperienced in talking to the opposite sex then he will be very nervous and probably on draft 37 by now !!

ShootinTheBreeze · 20/08/2011 23:46

You did the right thing. If he doesn't reply then at least you know he's a nob.

BertieBotts · 20/08/2011 23:47

Asexual/Aromantic, possibly? (Not very likely though - 1% of the population identify as asexual at an estimate, and not all asexuals are aromantic.)

Warlock · 20/08/2011 23:52

Shootinthe breeze, maybe he doesn`t know how to reply. You are being too hard on him !!