My partner doesn't read - it's irritating me, am I being unreasonable

[MyPeaceLily]

I've been with my new partner for nearly a year, we don't live together but are talking about it. However, as a really minor niggle, my partner doesn't read and it annoys me.

I'm not some massive bibliophile, but reading is a part of my life, I've always got a book on the go. However, DP, is a clever man (he's a doctor), but in the time I've known him has got through half a book on a business/management type theme.

Am I being unreasonable here, or is this a valid niggle?

Absolutely true Garlic

Brainy books for holidays, proper downtime etc; mysteries for weekends and chicklit for winding down after work!

My partner doesn't read so much now, although we're both journalists, so reading FT/Economist/WSJ etc is a part of our job.

I think it's odd sometimes, given he has a English degree from Oxford (among other glories) but he has read the canon (and much written in Latin) and does read occasionally. We talk about anything and everything.

We have about 3,000 books (including my Russian and Polish ones from my Oxford degree) and they just sit there, having been read once (rarely, not at all, for shame) or twice.

We are both part-timers/SAHPs and simply don't have the time to read much outside our jobs.

I'd give my eye teeth to go on holiday and read and read, but it's not going to happen.

All that said, I am a massive intellectual snob and not being able to engage in more cerebral pursuits with a partner would be a dealbreaker. But reading literature doesn't have to be a marker. Nor does having a fancy degree.

I am a lecturer, have phd, read academic journals and books all the time for work.

I used to be a huge bookworm. I cannot remember the last time I read a book for pleasure any more.

Instead I read trashy magazines , surf the net or watch crap tv . My head needs the break!

DH on the other hand is a builder and enjoys watching science / history / clever type programmes and dispairs of me...

Agree with the first response. I love books and am always trying to read when I get the chance. Went through about 5 books on my last 2 week holiday.
However I don't read nearly as much as I didn when I was in college now I'm working in a law firm because I spend 10 hours a day reading document after document. When I try to read my book at night I'm out like a light half way through a page. I just want to hit on the tv and watch sports and zone out when i get home.

Bullshit OP, you meant every word.
Fuck off.

I'd love to know what books OP reads.

Also how many hours does she work-if any.

Ilthya, I've apologised, you know where you can go

laquitr, I'm an academic, so I work full time, read lots of technical journals, etc, but also like a lot of politics, history, fiction, etc

Another point about reading is that it needs and breeds empathy imo. If you don't empathise with characters you are unlikely to enjoy reading much. And empathetic men are likely to be nicer!!

PS OP SAying something when drunk then retracting it next morning doesn't really wash for me. Being drunk doesn't really incapacitate your brain/personality, just exaggerates it/loses the inhibitions.

In vino veritas Lily?
This clearly goes deep for you, let him go for someone who will want to be with him lack of reading and all.

It's somehow ironic that you complain of his friendship circle as insular when you come across as so insular yourself in your "tipsy" views.

I read constantly, DH (intelligent lawyer) almost never. Doesn't bother me, although it would if he huffed and puffed and shuffled while I was reading, fortunately he does crosswords, watches TV or does the washing up. I've stopped worrying whether it's antisocial, and luckily he doesn't mind me having a light on to read in bed, I just can't sleep at all if I haven't read for a while.

Can't really understand why he doesn't read, but not a problem.

Was about to post the in Vino Veritas thing

Silly bint.

Doctors can be thickos too. Maybe this is the fear niggling the OP.

Maybe he's not 'academic' enough?

Neither DJ nor I read much but when we do we read such different books that we are not really interested in each others. However, we never lack topics to discuss, memories to recount and shared memories to relive. As for reading during holidays!!!! What is the point of going somewhere interesting and then ignoring it to read a book you could have enjoyed on a winter's night at home? I do enjoy a travel book or even a novel set in the place I am visiting but some of you sound as if you prefer someone else's stories, opinions and thoughts. Have you not got interesting lives and imaginations of your own?

I must apologise to DH for miscalling him DJ in the above. Especially as he is dedicated to 'keep music live'!

(i loved the typo )

Granny i was wondering about the holidays too. A bit of reading in the airport, plane, pool, balcony.... yes. But.....

'I 've read 5 books in a week in Egypt'

'Oh i'm such a bookworm, i 've read 7 books in a week in Corfu'

'I 've read 9 books in a week in Cuba'

You pay thousands to read novels abroad?

A bit of strange idea that doctors don't read.
I have 2 qualified doctors in family and both read as much as the next person here who says they are into reading.

Laquitar - You pay thousands to read novels abroad?

No, I pay hundreds to have guaranteed leisure in reliable sunshine

'hundreds'? One person or family? Where?

I read a lot and couldn't imagine not having a book going. I tend to favour non-fiction (history in particular). However, when I was up to my ears in small children and didn't have time to pick my nose I used to settle down to my book of an evening and immediately fall asleep. I don't think I was any less interesting back in those days. Just had other things claiming my time and energy.

I've been to a lot of gatherings with doctors present (exFIL was a surgeon) and found that middle aged and older doctors tended to be the most boring conversationalists I had ever come across, unless the ins and outs of four hour surgery on the cochlea or other gory ear, nose and throat stories were your cup of tea. Never a dull moment with the lawyers otoh.

That being said, I divorced a lawyer who turned out not to be the soulmate I thought he would be by any stretch of the imagination. His reading taste ran to Greek and Latin texts and heavy religion/public policy journals. My rather flippant conclusion is that not only should you never have anything to do with someone who doesn't read, you should only associate with people who like the same sort of subject matter that you do.

OP, do you think there is an important part of you that your man will never understand or appreciate? Is that why you are sensing there is a gulf between you due to his lack of reading?

I used to get a lot of reading done locked in the bathroom, GB and Laquitar..

... and I used to read at the gym. We only had one bathroom!
Math, I remember your tales of the ex and his classical texts

Bagofholly I had a medical student friend (female) who was addicted to Mills and Boon. She said she used to read them while her very enthusiastic boyfriend was shagging her, as he liked to carry on a long time and she got bored! I never knew whether she was joking or not. And they are still together after 30 years.

Just listened to "too many books" on Radio 4. Really interesting, there was a couple on there bickering about how many books they had, they operated a one in one out policy and the H was sayng "but you've got over 500 so I should be allowed to catch up..." Gave me another reason to be glad I was married to a non reader - the bookshelves are all mine! Mwah hah haaa