My partner doesn't read - it's irritating me, am I being unreasonable

[MyPeaceLily]

I've been with my new partner for nearly a year, we don't live together but are talking about it. However, as a really minor niggle, my partner doesn't read and it annoys me.

I'm not some massive bibliophile, but reading is a part of my life, I've always got a book on the go. However, DP, is a clever man (he's a doctor), but in the time I've known him has got through half a book on a business/management type theme.

Am I being unreasonable here, or is this a valid niggle?

My dh doesn't read, he's not a doc. I did try to get him interested as I thought if he gave it a try he would like it. I even got a book I thought he would love to read whilst we were on hold and I read it telling him little bits along the way. It worked he read the book and enjoyed it. He has not read another book since!

He just not that into reading.

Maybe you're not that into him.

Does he do things your not into?

Bluddy, what's so ridiculous?

So have you any more thoughts now on why it niggles you? That's the important thing here surely? There's been several ideas put - that you fear not having enough in common, that you can't imagine not sharing your interest, that you can't put aside the belief that people who don't read have something lacking - you need to understand your niggle better.

My DH doesn't read much, I do, we are compatible.
He will read the odd book if I say it's brilliant.

Yabu, unless this is really about other doubts you have?

If you feel that it's a symptom of incompatible views about what's important in life, then it is valid to feel niggled about it. You can't expect a partner to completely share your tastes - and life would be boring if they did - but it sounds like you are bothered about things like his work/life balance, and his not having an interest in a whole range of things that are important to you.

That doesn't mean it's something you couldn't possibly cope with in a long term relationship, but you need to think about whether its just a single niggle, or a symptom of something bigger.

I think you need to give some more thought to the 'something else' then. The book issue on its own is trivial, so I'd let that go if I were you, and try to figure out what the real problem is.

Yes, but OP it's not a niggle- it's a worry about compatability, no?

Do you have other things in common?

Do you talk about other things?

Can you imagine how this would work when you live together? when and where would you read, and what would he do while you were reading?

I'm with bluddymofo!

This has no bearing on your long term compatability. You read, he does something else. Simple.

If someone tried to inflict their hobby / past time onto me , or criticized me for it , id be out of the door .

We do have quite a lot in common - i.e. similar taste in films, we both like cycling, DP sails and I've tried a few times now and enjoyed it, we're both the same religion (cautious agnostics) so we're pretty well matched. We've been on holiday and enjoyed it.

I'm trying to understand it - I think it's about sharing something (I really liked this book, what do you think?) and also (this is arguably the controversial bit), generally, people who don't read can be a bit dull (sorry!)

A good friend of mine used to read a bit at school, but stopped reading when she went off to university 10 years ago, but when I chat to her, I notice she has many of the same opinions on things that she had 10 years ago.

This worry leads to the idea of whether DP and I can really have good, deep chats about anything in the future, about politics, history, literature, etc.

DP's friends are all (except one) doctors, and therefore, I worry whether there's an insularity there

By the way, I've not tried to impose my reading on DP, it's just something I've noticed. The thing is, he has a bookcase full of bloody books that he's not read, or books he read 10 years ago, when he stopped reading (too many exams, etc) and got out of the habit

DH doesn't read books. He has read the first chapter of a Lee Child and 2 clarkson books in the 16 years we have been together. I have books on the go all the time, sometimes 2 or 3, and he bought me a kindle for my birthday.
It has NO effect on our day to day life. We sit together on sofa, he watches telly, I read.
This is a veyr weird thing to be upset about.

Oh. Xposts. DH is not dull. And we can still talk about all sorts of stuff.
He doesn't read books, this does not mean that he lives in a vacuum.

The thing is though, even if he did read, there's no guarantee he'd like the same kinds of books as you, so you might not have many book-related discussions anyway. You might be better off just joining a book club!

Do you actually find him dull?

If he stopped reading 10 years ago, do you find you can talk to him about things now? He may keep up to date about issues by other means.

If he's ok now, after 10 years not reading, then I don't think you need to worry particularly about what he will be like in the future.

If you already find him dull and ill-informed, then the problem is already there.

My husband doesn't read. I don't sort out the kind of drainage problems that involve long rubber gloves and a straightened coathanger in the garden at night . We can't all enjoy everything.

Have you asked him how he feels about future good deep conversations, sorry, chats?

My DP doesn't read much (apart from the papers) because he uses all his energy up on work and family. I think reading is a desirable habit and it helps prevent people becoming bores as they get older, but you have to be realistic.

I should like to read more, but am often too tired to do so. I love going on holiday and getting through a book a day for a week or so!

Hmm, I would feel slightly odd about this, but I'd prefer to be with someone who didn't read books but did read newspapers/websites, listened to Radio 4, watched interesting documentaries etc than someone who did none of the latter but read ropey action thrillers.

Reading is just a medium, I think you're asking whether your DP is interested in the wider world...? Do you discuss news events/moral issues/politics etc with him?

It's ideas, too, Mooncup, isn't it? Perhaps it doesn't matter whether they're expressed in books or films or radio programmes, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't think about things, who didn't imagine things and who, well, didn't have some sort of inner life.

I love to read. DH hates it. Yes that annoys me from time to time, but it is hardly a make or break question. YABU

I'm buried in a book and DP is sitting there fidgeting, staring into space and looking bored

That is the difference in a nutshell.

OMG - I thought you meant he didn't read as in he'd never learnt to read and wondered how to help him! I was going to suggest an Adult Education Centre - shouldn't think a Dr would need their help too much!

What if he thinks she's massively dull for sitting reading when they could be out having a life?

It would be very annoying if I was reading and DP just sitting there fidgeting and expecting me to entertain him. That doesn't tend to happen with us - if I'm reading he's off doing something else, watching TV or listening to music or browsing the web or programming on his computer, or tidying the house!

OK, not much help on a beach holiday I know! We don't tend to go on those kinds of holidays much anyway, he probably would bring a book if we did though.