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Original poster

Help! How to 'pop the question' to my girlfriend!?

72 replies

kyoto · 11/08/2011 14:39

A lost man here looking for some inspiration!

The time has come to ask my girlfriend (of 5 years) to marry me. Grin

However, I'm really struggling to decide on how best to pop the question. You know, where, when, how, what to say etc....

I'm looking for something a little special and romantic without being tacky, cheesy, cliched, too public etc. Something with a bit of style.

However, after thinking about it for 3 weeks I'm out of ideas on how to strike that balance!

Pleeeeeease help me with some creative suggestions!

OP posts:
DrunkenDaisy · 11/08/2011 14:43

I hate staged stuff and 'surprises' so can't really help.

I'd let her choose the ring though.

timetoask · 11/08/2011 14:45

Is she the romantic type?
My DH filled my flat with red roses, when I arrived from work he went on one knee, gave me the ring, and popped the question. I loved it.

flimflammery · 11/08/2011 14:45

Aw, that's lovely. I wish my DH had worried like that! Maybe choose somewhere that's special to both of you or somewhere beautiful in nature. Or bring her a really special breakfast in bed and hide the ring somewhere on the tray?

Good luck!

Hassled · 11/08/2011 14:46

Unless she's one for the big dramatic gestures, just go put for a nice meal and ask her during pudding. Don't do anything public if there's the tiniest chance she'll say no. Good luck.

worldgonecrazy · 11/08/2011 14:47

My DH took me to Paris, we sat at the table where Tom Cruise proposed to his current wife in the Eiffel Tower restaurant. The waiters hovered with champagne bottles at the ready and I waited for him to pop the question.

He actually didn't get around to asking me until a few weeks later when we were sat, in our pyjamas, watching TV.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 11/08/2011 14:48

It depends on the lady, my DH asked me in a shopping centre i believe as we walked past the jewellers Grin but to be honest i didn't care, cause it was just nice he asked and now we are happily married with a DS...Good luck to you :)

NewbeeMummy · 11/08/2011 14:49

I second the idea of going somewhere special to both of you - maybe something as simple as a park bench you shared an early kiss on?

Ephiny · 11/08/2011 14:51

If you've been together 5 years, surely you can talk to each other about this kind of thing Confused. Why not just tell her you'd really like the two of you to get married, ask her what she thinks?

I'm another one who hates staged surprises and scripted/ritualised 'romance' though, maybe your girlfriend is different. Difficult to make suggestions without knowing a bit more about what she's like!

IslaValargeone · 11/08/2011 14:52

Is she romantic, and what do you do?

Awomancalledhorse · 11/08/2011 14:52

I asked my DH over the phone [last of the great romantics emoticon]

What sort of things have you done together in the past?
What sort of woman is she?
Have you got any pets you could get involved (friend of mines first love is her dog, her boyfriend put a little note in the collar asking the question, so 'everyone in the family' was involved)?

honeyandsalt · 11/08/2011 15:09

How awesome to have a nice quandry for once!

this engagement post is hilarious

a great place to look for rings - personally I'd either not buy her a ring or get her a toy one with some personal significance just to mark the moment, like a deer ring if you call her dear. Let her choose her own posh ring, if she wants one.

Other than that it just depends on your personalities - are you conservative, alternative, lovers of food or rock music or walks on the beach? Not to be cheesy but really just say a few words about why you want to propose, how much she means to you etc, a short pause, and do it. The longer you leave it that greater the chance she'll get bored of waiting and steal your thunder ;D

(also, let us know how it goes...)

said · 11/08/2011 15:14

Have you actually discussed getting married? I must admit, I don't get this idea of women waiting to be asked but it all depends on your girlfriend. No help, I'm afraid.

Original poster
kyoto · 11/08/2011 15:25

She isn't that one for staged and grand gestures either.

I would say not overly romantic but most girls like a little bit of that right, even if they say otherwise? :-)

I can't really think of a special place or anything like that....

I'm thinking like weekend away, nice hotel & quiet dinner. Is it crap to get asked over/after dinner?

Ephiny, of course we could talk openly about it, but that doesn't sound very special, memorable, or much of a surprise!

OP posts:
Original poster
kyoto · 11/08/2011 15:32

Surprised everyone is saying to let her choose the ring.

That would be a get out of jail free card, but I also feel like that is a bit rubbish proposing without a proper ring!

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 11/08/2011 15:32

It's a bit predictable. I was hoping you were a policeman. I read a lovely proposal story where the chap engaged the help of his girlfriend's mum to send her out in her car for something. She then got pulled over by two police cars, one officer got out and said the other police officer in the other car had something to say to her. Her bf got out and proposed. Obviously a complete waste of vital police resources I grant you, but a little bit different :o

SomethingBlue · 11/08/2011 15:32

I'm with Ephiny and said on this, but it depends what she's like. I would certainly have hated to be asked in public -- for me, a restaurant isn't the right place to talk about this, though I know others like it. Even though we both wanted to get married, I would have hated the sense of presumption that comes with a big public scene and a diamond solitaire hidden in the pudding, (and waiters on standby!). We just had a lovely conversation, sitting in the garden at end of a beautiful weekend. And went ring shopping together, which was fun.

If you go away, maybe just go for a walk and talk about it then, and if you really want a ring do what honeyandsalt suggests.

IslaValargeone · 11/08/2011 15:33

Get her a ridiculously ott plastic ring so she gets the idea, but you must let her choode her own.

boohoohoo · 11/08/2011 15:34

My husband took me on the Orient Express (something he always knew I wanted to do) and then had the menu changed so that the desert was boo will you marry me. He put a lot of work into it said that the people at the orient express were fantastic at helping and suggesting what to do. Was amazing, but private.

Aw at just remembering it.

IslaValargeone · 11/08/2011 15:36

Bloody hell boo that's fab.

honeyandsalt · 11/08/2011 15:37

Everyone likes a bit of kindness and thoughtfulness, true romance comes from the heart. Aw hell I'm a talking cliche.

Do you often go on weekends away? If not she might have an inkling, and there would be no better way to spoil a nice dinner than spending it all on edge. My vote would definately be to pop the question earlier in the day then have the fancypants dinner to celebrate.

SomethingBlue · 11/08/2011 15:38

I started a thread of my own last week about choosing a ring together -- the vast majority had chosen together, and liked it that way. I think only one person said it was 'bizarre' to choose together. Strangely, my DP had read men's websites where they all said you had to get a ring (which suggests to me that quite a lot of them get returned and swapped for something different, or just given to very polite women perhaps). Thread here if you're interested.

Original poster
kyoto · 11/08/2011 15:38

I like the police story. Alas, I am in IT and turning up to fix her computer is not quite as cool.

OP posts:
SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 11/08/2011 15:39

Most girls (even if they protest otherwise!) do love a bit of romanticism and the idea that your other half has gone to some effort.

My dh did a grand gesture (seriously grand) and although I'm not generally one for it, I utterly adored it. Oh and the crafty beggar had sussed out what sort of ring I would like beforehand and then found something perfect to present to me.

I hope it goes well for you! :)

ameliagrey · 11/08/2011 15:41

Oh God- do NOT choose the ring! I can't think of anything worse than being presented with a ring I might not like. Unless you know what she wants, leave well alone.

I find your question slightly odd- most couples these days kind of gravitate towards marriage.

has she any idea whether this in on the cards?

Persoanlly, I would hate anything staged- I am jeans and T shirt girl who would prefer it to be aksed in amuddy field or the middle of a wind swept beach.

BTW will you promise you are not a journo looking for info for your valentine special featureSmile

IslaValargeone · 11/08/2011 15:42

Oh yes we all love a bit of romanticism, but not the old boring dinner bit. (yawn) Unless like boo's dh you can get the menu changed etc, or have a bottle of wine re labelled with the proposal on it.