Help! How to 'pop the question' to my girlfriend!?

[kyoto]

A lost man here looking for some inspiration!

The time has come to ask my girlfriend (of 5 years) to marry me.

However, I'm really struggling to decide on how best to pop the question. You know, where, when, how, what to say etc....

I'm looking for something a little special and romantic without being tacky, cheesy, cliched, too public etc. Something with a bit of style.

However, after thinking about it for 3 weeks I'm out of ideas on how to strike that balance!

Pleeeeeease help me with some creative suggestions!

Amelia - you sound ok.

OP - you sound like a sap. Are you actually a bloke? If so, you are doing the rest of us a disservice. Just come up with something she'll like and get on with it, mate.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if you know her taste in jewellery then you should pick a ring. I know lots of the ladies on here say they'd never let their DH pick a ring but you're onto a winner if you get it right.

Just ask her, she'll be so thrilled and then say we're off to choose the ring tomorrow and we're going to xxx for lunch with champagne etc.

how long are you away for?

send her a hand written love letter through the post - something she can treasure forever

[heart emoticon]

Don't ask me, my engagement ring is made of grass

and no I never swapped it for a proper one!

Hmm - if she's not one for grand gestures or (cringe) surprises - then how about a weekend away - say you fancy a break, she could choose the place then so you know she'll like it.

Dinner on the first night - make sure it's nice and romantic and just the two of you - down on one knee and pop the Q! - DEFINITELY with a jokey plastic ring in the box with a wee note saying something like:

Don't be alarmed - I'm drafted in
So you can choose the perfect ring.
For the one you'll wear (I hope) for life
Should indeed be chosen by my wife.

Possible??

I wonder if OP's girlfriend (of 5 years) is eagerly awaiting the proposal, waiting to be asked and hiding her keeness in the traditional manner? If so, she would probably be keen to be asked sooner rather than later!

Agree that OP should not buy the ring, but have something symbolic.

But nocake, the woman will HAVE to say that it is right, even if it isn't! Unless the choice is outlandish she'll be stuck with it.

Lots of people think they can choose jewelry for their OH's, doesn't mean they actually can.

Talking about it is more romantic though. However, a hand-written letter is a very nice way of doing it as well (gives her time to rearrange her face ). I, too, don't understand this dropping of hints business, all seems a bit too passive to me. Anyway,hope you both get the solution you both want.

My friend (who was in Australia at the time) took his DP to a private island in a helicopter to go scuba diving. When they came out of the sea a small table had been laid up for a sunset dinner and he popped the question on one knee. Now that is impressive.

For gods sake do something good and give the poor girl a story to tell! Noone of this oh just mention it in passing crap! Thats what happened to me, I am not romantic at all and it doesn't matter now but I wish DH had made some more effort. Annoyingly after we got married he told me how he wanted to propose but somehow it never worked out that way. DAMMIT!

Do something cool like pack a bag one weekend for you both and send her a message telling her to go to a lovely hotel somewhere then be in the room waiting with flowers and champagne on one knee. Or a treasure hunt around your town to where you are with the ring.

She has hinted at it therefore she DOES NOT WANT some lame arse oh shall we get married then conversation. She wants something special.

No pressure

Kyoto- if you are genuine- and I suppose I do wonder why a single man on the other side of the w orld would think of posting on MN!- well, this is my take on it.

If i was your girlfriend, I would be a bit upset if i thought that the proposal had come via a committee of mumsnetters, so to speak.

What makes proposals so touching is that no matter how clumsy, cliched, cheesy, whatever, they come from the heart and are genuine. They reflect the personality of person who is asking.

Quite honestly, it doesn't matter a jot IMO how you propose. The important part of it is that you are asking her.

I know it's nice to try to think of novel ways, but really, as a long-married, it's what happens from that moment on for the rest of your lives that matters more.

Just let it come from the heart and no matter how cliched or corny, or stumbling, she'll be happier than if it's contrived and suggested by a bunch of internet loons.

lol at "internet loons" amelia - pot, kettle . But you're right -from the heart OP. You don't like toy rings, cherry blossoms, computer hacking, treasure hunts, poems, you know, don't do it. Waiting on one knee in a hotel room sounds painful to me.

Do, imvho, start by telling her how you feel about her though, that's very special. I say this because it's sort of been blown into a big moment now and a blurted "willyoumarryme" without a preamble may be a bit of an anticlimax. Build the moment a little, bolster her confidence, make her feel like the most special woman on earth to you

Hey Kyoto
Can you find an old style photobooth that takes four different pictures? rather than just the 4 of the same passport style. Engineer it that you go out shopping and as your passing by suggest you both jump in and have your photos taken together. Then do this.....
pinterest.com/pin/25180334/

I got engaged last weekend!!

We have been together 7 years and have actively been talking about marriage but it came as a nice surprise when he got down on one knee in a restaurant overlooking a beach in Cornwall on the last day of our mini break down there!

He had bought a ring and I'm very happy with it, but must admit had dropped sooooo many hints beforehand that it would have been difficult NOT to have got it right!

He had phoned my parents to run it past them, phoned the restaurant and the waitresses were beside themselves with excitement and anticipation, were waiting in the wings with champers and couldn't stop congratulating us!

It was mortifyingly embarrasing but looking back it was nice to be made a fuss over.

Good luck and hope she says yes!

For me, it would be romantic to be asked somewhere private in the countryside...I'm in Leicestershire so would go for somewhere like Bradgate Park or perhaps Dovedale.

It depends though, on what you like doing together...if you like films then perhaps making a DVD with the question and putting it in instead of an actual film?

As far as the ring goes, it should be easy enough to either get a female friend to find out from her or have a bit of a chat about it. You could say that someone at work was asking you for advice and what would she suggest. Or play the 'what would you get from each page of the Argos catalogue' game (or is it just me ).

Good luck!

Is she meeting you at the airport? If so, as soon as you see her, go up to her then get on one knee and say a nice speech like 'while I've been away I've missed you so much and it's made me realise I never want to be without you' or something. Something heartfelt. And it won't matter if you don't have the ring, because it will look 'spontaneous'.

I seriously wouldn't buy the ring. Even if you get it right, she has to wear it for the rest of her life, and (hopefully) it's the only one she'll ever get, so don't you think she deserves to make sure she's got the one she wants most in the world?

Also don't do it in public. Just don't. Good luck

Get into the middle of a busy road. (leaving her on the pavement)
Get down on your knee, and shout "DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME"

Kyoto - I understand your dilemma, there is a fine line between contrived and underwhelming. My husband got pissed and asked me in the pub. We'd had a nice summer's day together drinking in London (like you do when you're young and without kids), and at the time I thought it was fine, but actually it was a bit crap when people asked me about it (although as we're going to divorce soon, maybe a bit ominous).

What/where does she like? Cornwall? Turkey? Paris, Capri? Cosy pub or upmarket hotel? The answer depends on her. You know her best. If you have an idea of the jewellery she likes, buy her a ring, it's nice to think that your future husband chose it for you, it's thoughtful - but arrange with the jeweller that she can exchange it (if she suddenly tells you she always wanted an emerald one). Ask her somewhere nice (beauty spot/garden) and tell her why you want to marry her. Make it about the two of you. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

I wouldn't buy a ring first.

A jeweller I used to go to told me that it's very important that the ring suits the hand of the person wearing it. After we'd been married nearly 20 years we finally had some cash, and went to this particular firm. I'd always wanted a solitaire, but the height of the setting in a single stone ring just didn't suit my hands.

So, just as well that dh didn't go and buy it on his own!

Just send her a text.

My husband flew me to America, took me to Graceland ....

and then asked me on Christmas Day in front of his parents. How could I say no!

Still, 11 years on, it's the best decision I made.

my husband asked me 3 times and the best one was the spontaneous one after i had just thrown up in a sink, i suppose because its the one he really meant from the heart. the one i loathed was with the ring in a restaurant uck.

honey I was most definitely including myself in that category!

Kyoto- sorry but I don't think you are genuine.
This is all too much like fodder for a magazine's Valentine special feature.

Why would a single man suddenly think of asking for advice on MN, whilst wroking in Kyoto.

nah...c'mon- come clean!