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Relationships

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Original poster

Help! How to 'pop the question' to my girlfriend!?

72 replies

kyoto · 11/08/2011 14:39

A lost man here looking for some inspiration!

The time has come to ask my girlfriend (of 5 years) to marry me.

However, I'm really struggling to decide on how best to pop the question. You know, where, when, how, what to say etc....

I'm looking for something a little special and romantic without being tacky, cheesy, cliched, too public etc. Something with a bit of style.

However, after thinking about it for 3 weeks I'm out of ideas on how to strike that balance!

Pleeeeeease help me with some creative suggestions!

OP posts:

Original poster

kyoto · 11/08/2011 15:44

"I find your question slightly odd- most couples these days kind of gravitate towards marriage."

I find the idea of casually stumbling into slightly depressing.

What's the point in that?!

OP posts:

BeeBread · 11/08/2011 15:44

I'd vote for getting the ring - it makes it doubly special if your ring was chosen by DH and he got it right!

But only do it on the basis that the jeweller is happy for you to swap it and you let her know that you are happy for her to exchange it if need be.

I would definitely do my homework though and work out what kind of jewellery she likes.

What about surprising her on a Sunday morning - breakfast in bed plus proposal - then plan out a brilliant day filled with lots of things she likes so that you and she will always have a lovely day to look back on?

stickyj · 11/08/2011 15:45

I have an idea. Can you "break" her computer without really breaking it, then fix it for her having added loads of things? You know that scary "scream" thing that pops up that all the kids like, well a version of that, all romantic like!

Our computer has a voice thingy which you can activate remotely, think mum meandering into study, tutting at all the lights and computer on and then a voice saying "Hi Mum etc etc". One very jumpy mum later and kids still trying to explain how it works .

I hope whatever you do, she says yes and you are very happy together (sigh)..

said · 11/08/2011 15:46

Have you talked about it already?

Sorelip · 11/08/2011 15:48

My now-DH asked me to marry him in his bedroom whilst we were both naked, having just gone at it hammer and tongs on the living room sofa. The week before, he'd slipped a plastic Halloween ring from a cupcake onto my ring finger, and acted confused when I asked what it meant. I think he used that as a way of gauging my reaction to a proposal. It certainly wasn't the most romantic proposal, but whatever, we're happily married now!

MY engagement ring is a family ring, so I didn't get to choose it, but unless you know her taste VERY well, let your gf choose the ring.

PonceyMcPonce · 11/08/2011 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onehellofaride · 11/08/2011 15:49

I think whether or not you choose the ring is dependant on how well you know her, do you share similar taste? My now DH chose my ring however he knows that I like simple things and knew that I would love a platinum band with a single stone... which I did.

On the other hand my DSF would not have a clue what to get for my DM and would make a complete cock up of it.

If she has no idea that you are going to ask then it makes it more special (I did know).

A weekend away sounds lovely and I don't think over dinner is too OTT.

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

ameliagrey · 11/08/2011 15:49

"I find your question slightly odd- most couples these days kind of gravitate towards marriage."

I find the idea of casually stumbling into slightly depressing.

What's the point in that?!

OP what I meant is that many couples live together now, and it is often a precursor to marriage. It's kind of "understood."

What I would like to know is what stage your relationship is at now.

I am not convinced that you are not doing some kind of research here. Most guys just get on with it.

Original poster

kyoto · 11/08/2011 15:50

She has dropped a few hints, for like 4 years out of 5 :)

I'm surprised how practical you guys are.

Talk about it / stumble into it / let her choose the ring...

None of this is very romantic!

Thanks for some of the suggestions so far. I think I would prefer something that makes her laugh rather than the boring dinner thing.

OP posts:

boohoohoo · 11/08/2011 15:51

Isla, yes it was fab, im not really a romantic ind of person, neither is he, but he said that he as it would be the only time he would be asking someone to marry him he wanted to do something special. And, I have the menu as a keepsake.

Kyoto, go for it, you must know your girlfriend well enough to know along the lines of something she would like. But let us know what you do and what the outcome was

gallicgirl · 11/08/2011 15:51

I like the idea of fixing her computer so you propose to her that way. Can you film a proposal and Rick-roll her?

I'm not sure about the ring. As much as I'd like to choose my own ring, I'd worry about price and it would be nice to be presented with one.

Original poster

kyoto · 11/08/2011 15:52

amelia you are very suspicious!

We've been together 5 years, lived together for 4.

I'm sat in a hotel room on the other side of the world (in Kyoto!) and trying to decide how to pop the question in a nice way. :-)

OP posts:

startail · 11/08/2011 15:54

Can't help. I was lying in bed when DH said will you marry me, I said " did you say what I thought you just said" , he said yes. I said yes. We'd known each other 6 weeks. Been together 23 years ( married 21, we were at different universities so married when we could live together).
He says I said something soppy, but neither of us has a clue what and no it wasn't totally out of the blue. We both sort of knew from pretty much our first day together what would happen.
Oh we have been known to pretend we got engaged at a Cornish beauty spot, for those relatives who might have been a bit shocked at the bed bit.

IslaValargeone · 11/08/2011 15:57

Ignore the doubters kyoto, most of us are getting excited on your behalf.
Romantic is good, predicatble is not.
Plastic ring definitely the way forward, as it will make her laugh, unless she has actually shown you the kind of ring she wants during her long hinting process.

Ephiny · 11/08/2011 16:01

I'm surprised that you'd put someone on the spot like that, when it comes to such a major life decision! You surely wouldn't do that when deciding whether to move in together, or buy a house jointly, or start trying for a baby? You'd sit down and talk about it and come to a decision together surely? For me that is more important than it being all 'romantic' and 'special'.

I suppose I just don't get this whole romance thing. And don't really go in for dropping hints, or saying one thing and meaning another etc, or surprises and practical jokes like 'pretending to break her computer' .

Good thing it's not me the OP wants to marry, I suppose! (That's not you, is it, DP? Works in IT...hmm...)

CMOTdibbler · 11/08/2011 16:08

I wouldn't buy a ring either - friends of mine got engaged after a girly shopping trip had seen her drooling at a ring (we all laughed about it), and he asked me to describe it exactly and planned to get it. She rumbled him, went too, and the ring didn't suit her at all.

DH and I found it v romantic the bit between him asking me, and slinking around the jewellers together before buying a ring and telling everyone.

Is there anywhere thats special to the two of you ? You could take her there with a chilled bottle of champers and a plastic ring - makes a special memory without being tacky or too public. Or at one of those outdoor concert events with fireworks etc

TheMoreItSnows · 11/08/2011 16:10

I was proposed to on a windy day, on top of a hill that we liked to walk up when we were dating.

I was just about to moan that it was cold and it was time to head home, turned round and found DH on both knees (the wind had knocked him off the one).

Then we ended up buying a house just under that hill and I walk/run/ride up there most weekends, and can see it from my kids bedroom windows.

Not very 'romantic' but rather lovely.....

EldritchCleavage · 11/08/2011 16:18

Take her on a walk or a picnic somewhere pretty so you are on your own with her, then ask her. If you're bad at picnics, use one of those firms off the internet where you order a picnic basket online and they deliver it.

My DH bought me a plain little ring so I had something to wear, then we chose the engagement ring proper later. I still like my proposal ring better than any other jewellery I own though.

delilahbelle · 11/08/2011 16:20

It was Xmas day for us, our first alone together in our new house - we had exchanged all of the presents, but then he pulled out a HUGE box from behind the sofa.

Inside was a smaller box, and in that a smaller one - I think I twigged what it might be once I got down to the ring sized box.
Then he asked me, I said yes, and we spent the rest of the day drinking champagne.
Best Xmas ever :)

glastocat · 11/08/2011 16:21

I can't help you I'm afraid. My dh proposed when we were both off our faces. . Still, we're married fifteen years now (together twenty) so it worked out ok for us.

encyclogirl · 11/08/2011 16:30

Dh proposed to me in the Wimpy in Bromley high street many, many years ago.

I swooned actually, because it was so out of the blue. I really wanted to marry him, but I had no idea he wanted the same thing. When he asked me, stuttering and stumbling over every word, I nearly melted into the floor.

Then we went and bought the ring together. He didn't want to hex himself by buying it without asking me!

nocake · 11/08/2011 16:39

We decided to get married on a car journey to meet some friends for lunch. We were talking about having kids and DW said she'd like to get married first so we decided to do it. That was it. No romance at all although she did get two rings. I bought her a huge, tacky, bling ring from New Look as a stand in because I was having the real one custom made and it took a few weeks. When it arrived I did go down on one knee.

The substitute ring came in useful when she was pregnant as she couldn't get the real one on.

LadyPeterWimsey · 11/08/2011 16:39

Heard a sweet story of a treasure hunt proposal - they were living in separate towns at the time so she didn't expect him to be in her town, so he sent a message that started a treasure hunt through a local park (clues under park benches) and when she got to the last bench he was sitting there waiting for her, and proposed.

Warms my heart, anyway.

honeyandsalt · 11/08/2011 16:46

You're in Kyoto right now?

a) I'm jealous
b) Bring me back a long cream silk kimono style dressing-gown with cherry blossoms on will you? Feeling me, get it for your partner, add a cherry blossom ring, weekend away, sparkling pink champagne.... hell I'll get divorced and marry you for that

Regarding the ring issue, do you know her taste beautifully, or have a woman on the inside - sister, friend - that could be sneaky for you and give you a pointer or two? To be perfectly honest though, I love my DH to death but there is no way he'd ever have picked a ring out for me I'd have liked. That's him though maybe you have the same taste as your good lady friend.

BeeBread · 11/08/2011 16:54

I love honeyandsalt's idea. Every last bit of it. I too would marry you for that.

Cherry blossom ring

Nice as a very pretty ring which she can love and wear forever, but then you could go out together and choose something with diamonds as her proper engagement ring.

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