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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Internet love rat...revenge tips please?!

137 replies

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 10:49

Been seeing a guy three months... turns out he is running no less than 8 other women , I have their email addresses.he doesnt yet know that I know..we just got back from a minibreak abroad..and he has booked a similar break with one of the others the same time as he booked our flights..he has sent some of them pictures that he took when we were together..scenery..im shattered..but coldly furious..cant sleep/eat

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2011 10:52

Did he ever actually promise you an exclusive relationship? If not, then he hasn't done anything wrong, but is perhaps not the man for you.
After only three months, just dump and move on, plenty more out there. Revenge of any kind would make you look like a mad bunny boiler.

BestNameEver · 04/08/2011 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyGrotter · 04/08/2011 10:54

Depends on how he viewed the relationship and if he communicated that with you.

I wouldn't bother with revenge, I would just express that you had thought it was exclusive but appears it's not.

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 10:55

Yes..it was supposedly exclusive

OP posts:

tethersend · 04/08/2011 10:55

How did you find out?

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 10:56

He left his gmail saved on my laptop..i didnt notice at first as his background is the same as mine

OP posts:

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 11:06

I feel like a mad bunny boiler right now..tbh..have done nothing,but want to tear his face off...we talk for about two hours a day on average..I thought this was the real deal

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 04/08/2011 11:07

Well whilst I wouldnt actively look to get revenge, I would email the other women because they deserve to know what this man is like.

If I was one of them, I would appreciate knowing.

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 11:09

Which is my intention tbh..hes got one lining up a flat and a work visa.. another a flat in europe..yet another hes grooming to sexcam..(which I'd never do and he hasn't asked) I feel they should know..

OP posts:

TheScenicRailway · 04/08/2011 11:09

Well I would E mail the other women, in a "sisterhood" type way - and with humour. Explain that you feel no ill will to any of them, but that as you got to be the first one lucky enough to find out, you're letting them know to forewarn them. Explain that you'd understand if they weren't bothered, especially if he hadn't lied to them about exclusivity and for all you know, they aren't too bothered by that either, but in case he'd lied to them as well as you and they thought they were in an exclusive relationship, you thought it would be better for them to know, so no harm done either way. After all, one of these women might be risking her sexual health with this chancer.....

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 11:11

I'm concerned about my own sexual health tbh... yes, I think that's probably a good way to deal with it... when I asked for revenge tips.. I was asking for a more general pov.. not recipes for rabbit stew :)

OP posts:

ShoutyHamster · 04/08/2011 11:21

If he agreed exclusivity with you - he's a weasel. Deserves everything he gets.

It also means he's probably lied about this to the other women. So yes, definitely let them know. They may be risking their sexual health with him, so it's really important. You don't have to be any sort of mad bunny boiler to let someone else know that they are probably being taken for a ride! Make it clear that you have no axe to grind and are dumping him pronto.

That's before you even get to the visa/flat stuff. To be honest that puts it in a completely different league - he is intending to scam these women for financial benefit too. So let them know, double quick - and give them all the details you have (the fact that you have the email addresses of the others and that you know about the visa/flat offers). If he's a scammer, he's probably fleecing them for money somewhere along the line and plans to rip them off.

What a scumbag - so glad you found out.

Rosemallow · 04/08/2011 11:31

I would definitely email the other women - I think thescenicrailway has put it really well.

A similar thing happened to me when I was dating (we'd had the 'exclusive' chat), had been together about 5 months and it turned out he was seeing 2 other women.

The idiot wasn't imaginative enough to send us different text messages, including picture messages from his holiday with nice messages underneath.

Unfortunately for him, it showed ALL of the numbers he had sent it to!
I got a call from a lovely lady in Wales (I was in the south east) who he had been dating 'exclusively' for 3 months.

We played a few games arranging weekends away with him at the same time and had a few laughs at his expense then she got him to come to Wales to see her (he was also in the south) and stood him up.
Naughty. But satisfying!

Not saying you should do that, by any means but I was very glad to hear from the other lady although the third one wasn't bothered at all - just said she'd been dating other men as well.
Lucky I had a clean bill of health after all that!

PIMSoclock · 04/08/2011 11:39

a good rabbit stew recipe
could easily use hamster, ferret, or whatever animal is close to his heart!!

itwasthat · 04/08/2011 11:42

send an anonymous email to all the woman (individually), as you have discovered you hardly know this man so who knows how he can be when he gets nasty, dont risk it but tell the others

sis · 04/08/2011 11:50

have you read the penguin thread? I think it is in classics.

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 12:08

I haven't yet decided how to handle this.. re anonymity..he will strongly suspect it was me .. but he's not yet due to go see the poor cow in eastern europe.. so no rush but he will call me tonight undoubtedly..he always does.
Sad to hear RM's story... it's so common , I feel kinda stupid , but the other women are also relatively intelligent..and he's very clever at this.. he's pathetic..what a loser...

OP posts:

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 12:13

I can't see the thread you mention?

OP posts:

fargate · 04/08/2011 12:55

blue, is this the same guy you were seeing exclusively last month? you know the guy with the alcohol and cocaine dependency?

OTheHugeManatee · 04/08/2011 13:01

Download his entire address book from his gmail while you can, including all the other women.

Then create a website, say nastycheatingneedledick.com or similar. Publish some 'intimate' pictures of him, alongside any other humiliating details you can think of and especially the emails he's sent to all of you, complete with date stamps so it's clear he's been seeing you all at the same time. Then send the URL to his entire address book.

Original poster

Littleblue · 04/08/2011 13:05

Yes Fargate... our minibreak was supposedly after 6 weeks of him clean..and no visits... manatee im not sure i'd have the gumption for that much cleverness lol

OP posts:

moomoo1967 · 04/08/2011 13:05

lol I still remember the penquin thread

HedleyLamarr · 04/08/2011 13:07

OTheHugeManatee I'm so glad I'm not on your shitlist! That's demonic but hilarious.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/08/2011 13:08

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RumourOfAHurricane · 04/08/2011 13:10

This reply has been deleted

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