What was your gaslighting experiences?

[want2sleep]

Thought I would start a new thread as didn't want to highlight the troll and still a bit confused?

So when ex accussed me of hallucinating and attacking him and he told midwife and he lied is this Gaslighting?

Or is it when ex told everyone I put hole in condom to get pregnant...the other story it was someone else's baby is this gaslighting?

Or when he told SS I was abusing ds....and found out later ex was actually physically abusing ds is this introprjection (sorry extra question)?

Can others share there's as it helps me understand it better in real life iygwim?

I don't know whether they're all gaslighting or not but they're certainly abusive. I'm glad he's your ex.

I would say 1 and 3 definite.

oh neuroticmumof3 me too glad...but still attacking over last 7.5 years on and off...really interesting read loads on gaslighting/projection/intoprojection/stalking etc and then found a book on how to listen to your 'gut' instinct...fab...it saved my life more than once with ex attacking us.

I thought 'Gas Lighting' was a slang word made up...until last night! Very interesting!! Just not sure if it was Gas Lighting but to many examples to list.

I just sent exp a message saying ''have you sorted any thing out t=with the csa?'' he sent one back saying ''your a vile little tramp, stop stalking me!''. Is this gas lighting or just a pathetic attempt at ringling out of his responsibilities.

We split up recently after he pursued me relentlessly to get back together following a previous split then as it turned out he had another women he sent me message after message calling me a deranged stalker.

It's actually just left me feeling a little uneasy that any one could be that weird.

I can't believe how common it is.

thanks deste is it because 1 and 3 he said I did something that put him or my child at risk?

changing the furniture around seemed to be a favourite and hiding my things

ahhh so they try to make you think their is a poltergeist? That is why I said get a priest on other thread LOL!

When ex left fake petrol bomb outside my house...was this gaslighting...or wishful thing he could light it?

bristol it sounds like gaslighting or projection...he stalks you and then accusses you of stalking.

Can someone purleeze give me a definition of gaslighting.

Thanks ItsMeandMyPuppy the man is delusional....he truely believes what he says! Yes i wondered if it was projection too. It was awful esp around Haloween and Bonfire Night as terrified my house was going to become the bonfire! I would not sleep for 10-12 nights then collapse....lucky ds was signed off school as unwell as I couldn't driven him...I would have crashed the car otherwise.
I was worried he was going to knock my car off road or cut my brakes too. He used to attack when no one was present only ds...my mother started accussing me of kicking the door in...it was awful. Only one person believed me...thankfully! She said she had seen this before and that he was extremely dangerous. I was in a sick kinda way relieved someone had went through worse than me as starting feel like a freek...then found out it was a troll!

Catinboots on the troll thread this Gaslighting thread was really good:

HERE

Definition of Gas Lighting clicky lmgtfy.com/?q=Gaslighting

Bloody trolls! Damn them! Time for another

how do you all know that was a troll?

I would say all are obviously abusive and twattish behaviours but that 1 is gaslighting. To me it's when they lie, rewrite history, make up or twist events to make you doubt your own reality.

My experience of this was frequent with my ex, the stand out example being when he went into a crazy rage whilst driving and lost control of the car during a verbal tirade at me while I just sat crying.

He crashed the car going too fast over a roundabout and continued screaming at me while we got the car to a side street. I was on my way to a job, so I rang the person i was working for and got picked up while he rang his parents to get him and the car.

By the time I got home that night he had rewritten history and said we crashed because I was screaming abuse at him and attacking him.

The Lundy Bancroft book actually gave me my truth (and sanity) back. I honestly thought I was crazy.

Doesn't sound like gaslighting to me, just sounds like a class A** asshole. IE someone you shouldn't have a relationship with, shouldn't contact and shouldn't let get in the way of you leading a successful life

Wow! - it was a troll? how did that come out then?

Yeah but Inatrance, the whole definition of gaslighting is that you're not meant to be able to at it because you're not sure if it happened or not. If you remember clearly what happened, and he tells other people differently, that's not gaslighting, that's lying surely?

Had to be a troll - No previous posting history, disappeared fairly early on leaving everyone to worry, but most importantly MNHQ deleted thread, because they said the OP wasn't who they said they were... If i remember correctly.

want2sleep I have to say, like BeardofZeus, it doesn't seem like Gaslighting to me either.

You sound like you knew he was lying all along, or did you ever think along the lines of Shit, maybe i did put a hole in the condom / attack him / kick in the door?

Gaslighting really makes the victim question their recollections of events.

Some people are odd (gaslighters and trolls alike).

Do women gaslight, then? It always seems to be a male thing.

Oh well I suppose it's good they deleted the thread (I assume you mean the one about the egged car, "punched" cake, guinea pigs, etc. - which I looked for just then because I posted on it, and it's gone), but I'm annoyed because I spent 15 minutes writing a really long and detailed response to that thread! Oh well... I'm still glad people didn't shout "troll" on the thread.

Sorry to hear about your gaslighting experiences OP. It baffles me that people can set out to try to make others feel like they're going crazy.

Monkey - Women do Gaslight, don't forget Emotional Abuse cases with Men as the victims, are reportedly on the increase..

n.b My own 'D'M is brilliant at Gaslighting, or so she thinks!

BeardofZeus that was the most extreme example of my ex's gaslighting and was actually the straw that broke the camels back for me. I KNEW what had happened that time especially as I was able to have several hours to think about it without him confusing me, there was no way he could rewrite that one! It took me a few months to get out after that, but that was the point I started to plan to leave. The intent was the same as all the other less extreme incidents in which he did similar things - to confuse me and cause me to doubt what had happened. The definition of gaslighting states:

"in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred..."

On many previous occasions I wasn't because he DID have me doubting what happened. I'm more with hindsight, it wasn't so cut and dried at the time. He out and out denied things that had only just happened, he distorted events out of all recognition so that I ended up being convinced that I was the one with the problem and had mental problems. Gaslighting can be over minor things, and it IS lies, but said with absolute conviction and sheer mind boggling denial over FACTS, the truth as it is.

You still see the truth with your eyes, and your mind still computes the facts but you are presented with a completely different version of events and confused by exhausting mind games which end up leaving you feeling like your head is surrounded by fog. As soon as the crash had happened the fog started to clear and my survival instinct kicked in as I realised he could have killed us both. I still doubted myself until I read the Lundy book and saw my marriage and H there in black and white.

Yeah, women gaslight. You should meet my mum!

XH#2:

Was in a car, parked in the middle of our road, at midnight with a woman. He'd just phoned to say he was nearly home from a work thingy with a male colleague. I went up to the car, the woman hopped out and he drove off. I asked the woman if she knew my husband, she said "No, I'm just visiting a friend" - next door to us. I went back in, there was H, insisting his pal had just dropped him off on the corner. I tried to pursue this with him, he just said I was 'pathological'. I ended up thinking I must have not seen what I did see

Frequently disappeared at parties. One of a certain few women would disappear at the same time. They'd be gone for hours. He'd tell me they'd been chatting at the end of the bar or some such, and only for an hour. Again, I doubted myself as much as I doubted him.

Told everybody he was single! We knew a lot of the same people; everyone knew I was married, but practically died of shock if I happened to tell them my H's name. Again, I was imagining it due to my (supposed) extreme possessiveness - he said. I actually bought books on how to become less jealous. Dickhead me.

Regularly 'lost' his credit card shortly after overstretching it on a night out. He was the most generous man at the bar, but didn't pay for what he'd bought and cadged off me for the rest of the month. OK, that's not strictly gaslighting, but I certainly felt when I figured out what he was doing.

I was going to offer some more gems from my two delightful husbands and my insane 'best friend', but I'm getting too angry!

I didnt find out till ex's ex told me 3 yrs later (the condom one) but we weren't even using them at this point into our relationship. Jellycat If you told me this is January I would have started doubting myself even more that I did the frontdoor myself! My own mum and ds SW didnt believe me! My 6yr old dc is my only witness...that is all I have sadly. It's funny cause he would make sure neighbours gone out too accross from me. He was thankfully spotted driving round in nearby streets to ds old school and my home the morning he tried to break in with screwdriver by ds worker. Four times had fingerprints testing and no result! You saying I am a troll? Blardy wishful thinking on my part. Sadly what KFK just did has made it more difficult for people in my situation as I am then accussed/not believed too! The abuse ds disclosed was also not taken seriously:(

I did hit him twice in the arm after he verbally attacked me for laughing and enjoying myself ex said I was showing him up. I was out for the first time 3 months after my brother died. I just lost it, it was grief and alcohol. Yes that was wrong...I shouldn't have done that. Feel like I am having to explain myself though now?....it is not my fault what happened with OP being a Troll....I was accussed of making it up when I first came here for support....lucky peole like HerHissy and IloveTiff and Cest etc and many more have been lifelines for me at really distressing times. I feel angry too that KFK did this as I am going through PTSD symtoms so awful as reliving the fear/attacks esp when I have to offer support like I did to KFK and explain myself again ....why do you think I did it Jellycat??? I aint going nowhere I'm Troll so please explain?