This situation has gone on long enough for you to know it isn't going to change, so stop making excuses for yourself, for whatever reason your not ready to leave this man.
Counselling for you and you alone is imperative, he's not making you stay, you're choosing to stay; debts, his depression are the excuses you give to maintain the status quo.
This isn't about him, its about you. If your self-worth was any where where it needs to be, there is no way you would let this continue. 11 years of "you being the problem" and "your inadequacies"; 11 long years of being trained in how to think, act and behave will do it. You can't see the extent of the erosion of your self-worth, to you, that sassy, independently minded chick is still very much there, she may well be, but she needs a good slap.
I ended it with my fuckwit of an ex because I wanted change and realised that being a mother meant I had run out of time. I had spent the previous ten years trying to change things, DD meant I had to stop making excuses and take action. At the time of the break-up I still loved him 
despite the (with hindsight) shockingly disrespectful and hurtful things he did and said.
Your not ready to leave him but if you want to be ready then you need counselling, make that appointment.
As for hating your husband, you aren't even close because if you did, then one of you would be gone already.