Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I hate my husband

132 replies

Rahsofedup · 17/07/2011 22:13

  • he has no energy
  • he has no drive
  • he tuts at everything
  • he very rarely helps out at home
  • he promises to do things which he never does and gets upset when I remind him
  • he never initiates or wants sex and is happy for me to sort him out
  • when we try to talk he turns away from me or walks out of the room
  • he does not offer support when it is desperately needed, instead turns it round to how it makes him feel ( when sometimes a third party desperately needs support)
  • he says all the issues in our relationship are my fault ( I had an affair 3 yrs ago because I was fed up if being treated like a propstitute, I know that's not an excuse)
  • he has been depressed for many years and yet refuses to get counselling
  • he has no friends and yet constantly criticises mine
  • he rarely sees his family
  • he's keen to say we don't have anything to talk about because we don't care about each other and yet I try many, many times and fail
  • he won't have sex with me so we won't have children ( that's been an issue for 11 yrs)
  • just venting because he says that our relationship souring is all my fault. I never realised when I met him (I was a child) our lives would turn out like this. So, so fed up.

Not really sure what I'm asking but comments would be welcomed- our relationship has not changed post affair - it has unfortunately remained exactly the same

OP posts:
EllieG · 17/07/2011 22:41

He sounds pretty hateful, tbh. Bin him.

buzzsore · 17/07/2011 22:42

He was punishing you for asking your brother along.

Rahsofedup · 17/07/2011 22:46

He made me feel so guilty about the holiday I booked a short break almost immediately after. Apparently he felt it was forced and a chore?! Why bother going if it's so much effort.

He also says today that all I care about is money. I earn more than him and have always contributed more to our relationship and yet clearly thats my main priority!?

I just know what's going to happen (what always happens), he'll mooch around looking miserable, make me feel guilty and i'll end up cuddling him and making him feel better. I just have too many other awful things going on in my life at the moment to Molly coddle him

OP posts:
turquoisetumble · 17/07/2011 22:47

I would never put myself in that position

What we're trying to get you to see Rah, is that YOU did put yourself in that position. You could of told him to fuck off and that your brother was coming. Or you could have refused to go and spent a nice week at home without the tosser. People do that you know? They don't all meekly accept whatever their husband dictates to them.

Seriously, if you can't leave this dickhead (and it seems that you can't), you need to get some counselling. Promise me you'll do this.

Rahsofedup · 17/07/2011 22:47

I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd said he didn't want my brother to join us but I asked him and he said so long as we had a few days together first he didn't mind ( we had a 4 bed villa). My brother flew out on Tuesday as planned

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 17/07/2011 22:48

Divorce the cunt. You did not make him like this. Do you want to waste your one and only life on this sack of shit? No? Then just leave. Fuck debt, fuck mortgage, fuck everything. You only get one go, don't spend it miserable and unfulfilled running after this pathetic, whiny baby-man.

swallowedAfly · 17/07/2011 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IslaValargeone · 17/07/2011 22:49

Just get your stuff together and Go when he's not there, that way there is no confrontation, no guilt trip etc etc.
You need to get your life back, and have babies and be loved by someone.

turquoisetumble · 17/07/2011 22:49

OK, Rah. Simple question.

Do you actually want to spend the rest of your life with this man?

buzzsore · 17/07/2011 22:49

You might want to read some of the threads about people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, OP, you might find your h there.

swallowedAfly · 17/07/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 17/07/2011 22:50

SAF, you hate him too, right ?

swallowedAfly · 17/07/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rahsofedup · 17/07/2011 22:51

Thank you turquoise - i couldnt afford counselling when he wasn't working. He's now taken a job miles away from where we live and expects me to move with him. I'm not going anywhere- there are people who need me more here and when I point that out he just says o'of course, saint rah who always thinks of others!.). It's actually, rah has some element of compassion and cares about my family

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/07/2011 22:51

dead right

AnyFucker · 17/07/2011 22:52

dead right on so many levels

IslaValargeone · 17/07/2011 22:52

So he's not actually with you? You could leave any time then?

Helltotheno · 17/07/2011 22:53

rahsofedup the way you're describing the holiday and messes you got yourself into, I don't want to sound harsh but you should be able to manage situations like this reasonably competently on your own. If nothing else, leave this man so that you can spend some time living an independent life and learn to stand on your own two feet.

Tbh I can't help feeling from the tone of your posts that you're just having a rant and have no intention of leaving. What a pity, cos essentially you have no ties and are wasting your one and only life on someone who's making you unhappy.

buzzsore · 17/07/2011 22:54

Oh well, sounds like it's sorted then. He goes, you stay. You file for divorce.

swallowedAfly · 17/07/2011 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rahsofedup · 17/07/2011 22:54

The reason we're so in debt is nothing is ever good enough for him (he'd say it isn't enough for me but I'm actually incredibly easy to please). I got a bonus at work and spent it all on holidays and him, I guess I just constantly try ( and fail) to make him happy. He said we needed a holiday in the sun - I book one.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 17/07/2011 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tallwivglasses · 17/07/2011 22:55

Okay, trying to play devil's advocate here, after all we're only hearing one side of the story....

nah, he's a prize piece of shite. Take a dump, woman.

AnyFucker · 17/07/2011 22:56

get a grip

and a backbone, seriously

you are bankrolling his pretensions ?

sort it out, and offload him, he is a cocklodger, as well as being a twat

RandomMess · 17/07/2011 22:56

I recognise you from previous times you've posted (yes it was you wasn't it???)

I'm sure we gave the same advice. LEAVE, file for divorce, you are wasting your life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread