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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sorry.... its the good old porn issue again..... H waayyyyyy over reacted!

112 replies

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:01

Clearing out cupboards for moving. Found a Daily Sport placed lovingly on a shelf in a cupboard I don't look in very often. It was dated 3 weeks ago.... and it was a special edition with pages 1-28 of women with their waxed tanned arsed waving in the air.... and lots of tits being squeezed and licked.

I'm not a prude.... I actually sniggered at DH's pathetic attempt to hide it from me!

BUT our sex life is dire.... H goes off sex for sometimes 2 months at a time. Its caused/causing major problems. Its another example to me of how selfish he is.

Anyway... he comes in from work at 6.30pm, I've cooked a fab meal to celebrate his promotion. And I casually mentioned it and snurked a bit.

I DID NOT expect the reaction I got or I would have at least waiting until the kids were in bed.

He denied it feebly/ then said it was from years ago.... er sherlock, its a daily NEWSpaper. DUH!

Then I asked why he'd bought it. BIG mistake. He started shaking his head at me and asking why I was doing this (???)..... asking why I was trying to spoil a nice night..... shouted that it didn't matter and I was a lunatic for letting it get to me!

Then is snapped when I said "why you getting angry at me.... I didn't by a filthy newspaper and leave it for you to find".

He came right up to my face spitting "who the fuck you calling filthy". Yes the kids were there.

I said I couldn't believe he was turning this around so that he could be angry with me?!! I mean how the feck did THAT happen??

He said "Shove your meal up your arse, I'm out of here you fucking weirdo".

The stood in the kitchen drinking a can of lager whilst periodically calling me names.

I told him to get out or I was calling the police. He refused. I dialled the police. He got changed and left saying "Get to fuck you fat cow, I hate you, there's my keys."

Now does that go down as the over reaction of the year or what?

I've locked the door. No idea where he is, but he took about 12 cans with him. I think he drove.

Any advice folks??

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 26/11/2005 20:03

What a twat. No advice, sorry.

starlover · 26/11/2005 20:04

if he was drinking and drove away i would call the police and tell them the registration number of the vehicle so they can be on the look-out... you wouldn't want an accident to happen...

and don't unlock that door!

ChrimboCracker · 26/11/2005 20:04

Do you know of any friends that he might have gone to? or any of his friends that could try and check up on him to make sure he doesn't drink and drive.

No advice, but, I do think he was wayyyyyyyyyyyy over the top.

{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

santabops · 26/11/2005 20:04

What is going on???

Has he ever done this before?

HRHWickedwaterwitch · 26/11/2005 20:06

Leave him. Or go for some counselling. This sounds like his problem (and yours as a result) - he has some big issues. Blimey, I couldn't tolerate this. How dare he?

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:06

I have caught him out after he taped a porn film once 2 yrs ago. Again he over reacted. Its his way of detracting from how mortally embarassed he is.

I've texted everyone I know to tell them all about it.

The pron really doesn't bother me! But why not just bin it?????? And why go MENTAL when I bring it up?????

OP posts:
Feistybird · 26/11/2005 20:07

Call it a day with him. He seems to have some major issues with his self confidence if he reacted like that.

Either way, if dp spoke to me like that esp in front of kids, it would be curtains.

jinglinggoblin · 26/11/2005 20:08

do you want to stay with him? obviously an overreaction but tbh i thinking texting your mates is out of order if you think the reaction was down to his embarrassment

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:09

WWW - I know. We are supposed to be getting counselling, but the waiting list is huge and that last time they phoned with an appointment we couldn't get a babysitter.

We know its a problem. I've always known he's not very confident in the bedroom department..... But to think him sitting downstairs spanking his mdeiocre monkey every night then telling me he's just not in the mood for sex!!! NO WONDER if its getting a pelting before coming to bed!

OP posts:
tegan · 26/11/2005 20:09

I am so sorry you are having to go through this and to have the kids knowing everything that went on.
Personally I think he has a problem (sorry just my opinion) I think he was probably very embarrassed and didn't know how to express it so he went off the handle.
Did he take a mobile?
If so wait a couple of hours and call him asking if he has calmed down.
If he drives when drinking report him. I would do it to my dh.

spidermama · 26/11/2005 20:09

OMG sackache. I'm really sorry.
My dh can flip like this and turn things around. You've obviuosly touched a guilty spot in him and you're getting the blame.

God knows what you can do now. Wait it out I guess.

What an arsehole!

foundintranslation · 26/11/2005 20:09

Agree with sl. If he's drink driving please call the police and give them his reg.
Sympathies.

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:11

jinglingoblin - last time he behaved like this he left me in the middle of nowhere after and argument. I got out the car as he was calling me names again. I told him I wasn;t getting back in the car unless he promised to stop swearing and calling me names.

He drove off.

I had to phone my Mum to drive 20 miles to come and get me.

He's a wanker... literally.

He wants embarassment, he's got it. he's lucky I didn't text his sister.

OP posts:
HRHWickedwaterwitch · 26/11/2005 20:12

It's not just about porn though, it's about how he treats you and speaks to you and addresses problems. It's unacceptable behaviour.

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:12

He's not drinking and driving by the way! For all I know he could be sitting in the car in the driveway! Too scared to check.

Either tha or he'll drive to his friends house and drink himself into a stupor there.

OP posts:
jinglinggoblin · 26/11/2005 20:14

sackache, that just proves he is a git. if you dont want to stay with him then fair enough, take the piss. if you want to make things work i just cant see how adding to the problem will help. and fwiw i couldnt stay with a bloke like that, infact my x was a bit similar and leaving him was the best thing i ever did.

tegan · 26/11/2005 20:15

I would let everyone he has ever had contact with know exectly what has happened and let him face the music.

Aimsmum · 26/11/2005 20:16

Message withdrawn

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:17

Problem is.... things were just starting to look better. And he really wants to try counselling for his anger.... and for our relationship in general.

At the moment I don't care about anything much other than getting a Gin and Tonic. He'll never know I texted my friends...... that was purely for my own childish satisfaction.... and also so I could chat about it to them. Which I have.

OP posts:
Reindior · 26/11/2005 20:17

You haven't been happy for ages have you? He sounds a very insecure person.

jinglinggoblin · 26/11/2005 20:18

how on earth will that help? if she wants to stay with him thats the exact opposite of what she should do! he obviously has a problem for which he needs help, not further humiliation. i can totally understand why sackache texted everyone, his behaviour was appalling, but i dont get why anyone would do something so horrid to someone if they wanted their relationship to work

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:18

AImsmum - After the car incident he had tio ohone up my parents and apologise for the way he had acted with them too.

He needs help, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. We've been on the waiting list for a year.

OP posts:
jinglinggoblin · 26/11/2005 20:19

that was to tegans post btw, am far too slow at typing

Reindior · 26/11/2005 20:20

She said in her original post that she 'snurked a bit' when confronting him about the paper, so it sounds as if there is a general lack of respect in the house...

SackAche · 26/11/2005 20:20

Goblin - I feel like right now I hate him. He tells me he hates me all the time.

Its' just totally fucked up and I jeep trying to make it better. And he tries to...... for a week or so.

OP posts: