Sorry.... its the good old porn issue again..... H waayyyyyy over reacted!

[SackAche]

Clearing out cupboards for moving. Found a Daily Sport placed lovingly on a shelf in a cupboard I don't look in very often. It was dated 3 weeks ago.... and it was a special edition with pages 1-28 of women with their waxed tanned arsed waving in the air.... and lots of tits being squeezed and licked.

I'm not a prude.... I actually sniggered at DH's pathetic attempt to hide it from me!

BUT our sex life is dire.... H goes off sex for sometimes 2 months at a time. Its caused/causing major problems. Its another example to me of how selfish he is.

Anyway... he comes in from work at 6.30pm, I've cooked a fab meal to celebrate his promotion. And I casually mentioned it and snurked a bit.

I DID NOT expect the reaction I got or I would have at least waiting until the kids were in bed.

He denied it feebly/ then said it was from years ago.... er sherlock, its a daily NEWSpaper. DUH!

Then I asked why he'd bought it. BIG mistake. He started shaking his head at me and asking why I was doing this (???)..... asking why I was trying to spoil a nice night..... shouted that it didn't matter and I was a lunatic for letting it get to me!

Then is snapped when I said "why you getting angry at me.... I didn't by a filthy newspaper and leave it for you to find".

He came right up to my face spitting "who the fuck you calling filthy". Yes the kids were there.

I said I couldn't believe he was turning this around so that he could be angry with me?!! I mean how the feck did THAT happen??

He said "Shove your meal up your arse, I'm out of here you fucking weirdo".

The stood in the kitchen drinking a can of lager whilst periodically calling me names.

I told him to get out or I was calling the police. He refused. I dialled the police. He got changed and left saying "Get to fuck you fat cow, I hate you, there's my keys."

Now does that go down as the over reaction of the year or what?

I've locked the door. No idea where he is, but he took about 12 cans with him. I think he drove.

Any advice folks??

Sackache/heartache in the sack. First you must learn to drive, although the fact that you earn a good wage despite this is good going. Is there jealousy regarding any differing status between you? His violent reactions to you sounds a bit like transference and projection - putting the bad feelings he might have about himself onto you and hoping that you will take them. Dont.

Did he show his face in the end SA ?

Hi sackache, I'm sorry to read all this. You need that counselling so desperately. Every time you have an argument something awful happens and things are said that go on hurting for a long time to come.

You talk of having enough money now to have a trial separation. But wouldn't it be better to use that extra money to go private with the counselling? That way you could start immediately. It's a far more positive course of action than the trial separation.

Thanks for the concern everyone. My NEW home PC wouldn't let me access the internet after I disconnected on Saturday night. It keeps saying "phone line in use" but it isn't!!! Back to Dell I think.

He sloped in at 8.15am.... clearly over the limit to be driving. I was already showered and was getting the kids dressed.

I gave him the Ultimatum that whilst I was gone he had a think of things and he had 2 choices:

1. Packs his things and goes to back to his mates before I got home
2. Made a committment to phone the GP on Tuesday (his day off) and get help for his anger/depression/anxiety... whatever the feck is wrong!

I left at 9am in a taxi. Me and the kids had a lovely morning. Had breakfast, saw all the Christmas lights in town, bought ds a new pair of flashing shoes. Just generally had a stroll around the quiet (!!) shops.

At 12pm I phoned the house to see if he was still there. He was. He said he wanted to come and get us and he'd done a lot of thinking.

He picked us up in town. When we got home I went up to our room to do my puzzle book. he came up about 15mins later after he'd given the kids some lunch. He brought me a hot chocolate.... then sat on the edge of the bed in silence staring at his shoes like a child. I ignored him and he eventually kissed my forehead and asked if I wanted to come down yet. I said no, I'd come down when I was ready.

Eventually I went down when ds started bouncing on the bed!! He said he had felt so stupid. And that the paper was an absolute impulse buy and that he just couldn't believe that something that he classed as trivial was causing hassle when we were getting on so well. I pointed out that it wasn't the paper that caused the major row...... it was HIS reaction!

Anyway.... you get the idea. I have reminded him that he was supposed to look for a flat when he got his payrise. He said "but I don't want to move out, I want to live with my family and I want us to be happy". I said that he really should think about the effort he needs to put in the help that happen and he had to take responsibility for his own stupidity.

So I hope he's made his choice and that he sticks to it. I will find out about private counselling. Thank you all SOOOOO much for giving me the strength not to phone him on Saturday night.

Gazebo - that sounds awful for you too. One big problem that I have is that I never cave in. Faaaaaar to stubborn! Perhaps thats an issue I will have to speak to the Counsellor about.

I have everything crossed for you SA.

Thanks NDP.... get the feeling you're (and other MNer's) not really holding out much hope for me.

Message withdrawn

Don't know what to advise you really sacky I have just spent the last 15 minutes sending really long e-mail to my DP saying "this is why you pissed me off this weekend!" Bloody men!!!!

Really think you should push for the relate counselling thing, what about going private now you are loaded think it would benefit you both??

Update: DH Phoned the GP today and has an appointment lined up. Can't believe he actually did it!!

Toothy, glad that he's sorted that bit out.

Sorry you've had his moodiness to deal with again, do you think he will get it sorted? And what about him moving out for a bit?

Wish you lots of strength to deal with it all.xx

Moving out is still on the cards..... I'll give a month reprieve to get Xmas out the way and also the appointment! Plus we move into our new house at the end of Jan!