Had meeting with DV woman today.

[Lemmingswife]

Met up with her at my HV's house.
Session was tough & I had to go through everything that went on at home.
DV officer was shocked & terms it as serious emotional abuse.
Told me a little about my rights regarding the house & has advised me to make photocopies of all personal stuff, like childrens birth certificates, mortgage details, marraige certificate etc.
HV is really starting to get other bits moving.
Very scary.

I know deep down that he will never change, but my head is all over the place ATM.
Have HV coming round to see me in half an hour.
Pip, I know I must try to eat & rest, but I had a very churny stomach yesterday. Slept better last night though!

Have e mailed you, LW

LW, i've been reading back on my diary from the months before my boss was sacked (v painful for various reasons!) to see if what i said to you about revenge getting me through it was true. Well it wasn't really, the vengeful feeling came very later on when things really started happening. Even after I'd first started talking to the right people about him, I still kept getting sucked in and thinking I still loved him, worrying about having done the wrong thing etc. What REALLY got me through it was having a life outside him/work.
So, I would say (and I know this was a million times easier for me because I only worked with the guy except for when he imposed on my time outside work...) keep up a social life or just do stuff yourself with the boys etc outside your marriage, however frail you feel, just so you have reminders that there IS a life after this and that you aren't reliant on the relationship. It's so easy to get completely overwhelmed by everything that's going on, I remember feeling very trapped & like I couldn't think about anything else, that's why it's good to cut off sometimes and see other people, focus on your boys, etc etc. And as someone else said - look after yourself!!

I know my old situation does not compare and I feel really silly giving advice but, well, just in case it helps...

Thanks bourneville.
I am going out with a couple of friends tonight as it happens! Hopefully that will take my mind of things for a while.

LW...I am still checking on how you are doing. You are being so positive and so strong. I hope all goes well for you eventually. xx I will keep checking in.

Thanks, Shhhh.
I don't feel like I am being very strong at all ATM, as I am finding this bit really tough to deal with.
I had a nice night out with a couple of friends last night, which gave me a bit of light relief from all this.

It all sounds very stresssful and tough, but shhh is right, you are being very strong and you are so different from the woman who first posted on here a year ago. You have made amazing progres and you should be so proud of yourself

Glad you had a good night out, you need to do things for yourself too to relax and forget about it all for a while.

Thanks, CQ. I guess I have moved on a bit from the very pathetic case that I was a year ago!
I saw my counsellor today & filled her in on the latest happenings.
It really does feel like it has been quite a week!

Feeling really confused & all over the place ATM.
Went to a party at my parents house last night & I felt really odd when my sister was talking about how we should all go away together & everyone was talking to us as a couple, but nobody there had a clue what was going on in my life right now.
Everything feels so surreal right now.

My sister did mention this morning that she thought H was a bit nasty to me at one point last night though.

What did he say, lemmingswife?

I thought I needed a new mouse for my pc yesterday, as it wasn't working (it is ok again today), so asked my Mum if she had a spare one & he was saying "She is so boring isn't she?"
He kept saying it & it was because I was mentioning the computer.
Nothing that major compared to what I have put up with, but my sister noticed it & felt the need to comment this morning.

Hi, have you thought any more about confiding in your sister and getting her on your side? I can't remember how much she knows.

He also swore at me at the end of the night, but I can't remember why. I ignored him.

It's him putting you down though isn't it. And not missiing any opportunity to demonstrate his control. Which is now weakening all the time, thank God. Stay strong, girl! I wish it were different, but I really REALLY don't think he'll ever change.

My counsellor asked me if I had spoken to my sister, the other day.
I haven't because told her about any of the heavy stuff that is going on, as I am pertrified of anything getting back to him or my parents ATM.
I have spoken to her about his temper issues & she is very aware of what he can be like.
I said to her this morning that the way he spoke to me last night was quite minor in comparrason to how he can be with me.

sorry about the terrible grammar in the last post. I have a hang over!!

She will probably be supportive of you though if you do move out, won't she? Especially if at that point you tell her all the whole unadulterated truth about what he's really like?

Yes, I think my sister would be supportive. We are very close.
Don't think my parents would be as supportive though. According to my sister, my Mum said this morning, that she wasn't going to give me a mouse for the computer, as it is best not to encourage me to come on here, as it annoys H.

Can you really not trust your sister LW? Seeing as your close... I tell my sister everything, I can't imagine hiding something like that from her.
at your H's comments that night.

I don't know, this is so, so huge.
Feel very all over the place in my head ATM.
H is being quite human & is talking about his counselling etc & I feel all confused & bl**dy crap, TBH.
It was a year ago to this day that I started my first thread & here I still am.

He keeps asking what I am thinking about.
This is so hard.

You know, it's weird, now you've actually realised that it is emotional abuse, and you have to get out, and you're taking steps to do it, H will probably seem more normal, it's hard to remember why you're doing it in the first place. Also, you're dealing with it all and talking to other people, about all the sh*t stuff so it's all rolled into one big horror story iykwim so your daily life probably doesn't feel like it corresponds to what's going on. But seriously, it does, read back on stuff you've written about here, and just remember all those horrible incidents over the years. Everything you've said is the truth, everything you're doing is for the best. H being "human" for a while shouldn't be allowed to stall you.

Hi LW. Don´t start doubting yourself. You do sound in turmoil right now. Get through Christmas and try to stay focused. Must be so difficult having to go to parties and see people and pretend that everything´s okay.

I agree that it would be good to have someone close that you could confide in. If you spoke to your sister then at least that would be one person less that you have to pretend all is well with. If you feel that she can keep it to herself then maybe you should tell her what´s been going on.

Of course, you have to think about whether she would let it show or slip when your H is about as this would obviously make things more difficult for you. Does she see much of H? Will you all be spending Christmas together? If so, maybe ait until afterwards before confiding in her - Christmas is the perfect time for all those repressed emotions and anger to surface after a few drinks, too much food and too many family members in one room!

Whatever you decide, I hope you find some peace soon, you deserve it. Try to focus on your gorgeous boys to get you through the festive season. Try to visualise a happier future for you all. x

LW, do you really believe that he could change though? I am just very sceptical about whether people - anyone - ever fundamentally changes, really.

I do really feel for you atm.