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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

saddest feeling?

136 replies

chubsasaurus · 10/07/2011 10:07

Aside death...

Watching someone who once pursued you mercilessly, loved you with every inch of their being, would have moved the world, given up anything and followed you anywhere... just not care any more. At all.

OP posts:
Original poster
chubsasaurus · 13/07/2011 11:05

It gets better. With his ex-wife's brother. And he's going to a few countries probably with the intent to get with as many women as possible as that is exactly what the XW' brother is like. I am so bloody angry, and sad that we were meant to be doing the holiday they're doing but together.

OP posts:
Allinabinbag · 13/07/2011 11:18

Do you know what, I feel angry on your behalf. You have not 'ruined your life' by him leaving, I can assure you, you will look back in 5 years time and think 'thank god'. He must just love younger girls running after him all the time at university and keeping you dangling on a leash.

Ugh, anyway, you may feel bad now, but thank goodness you don't have children with him (you don't, do you?)

Do you have a really good RL friend or family member who could come and help you move your stuff? I would not bother sticking around to see him on Friday myself, you will simply get kicked again and it will make you ill.

This is an awful time for you, but how much worse if you stayed with someone who is just toying with your emotions for fun, because they can.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 14:12

Let his actions carry on telling you what a shit he is, chubs

I remembered that he had been in a position of authority to you when you met, but didn't want to mention it unless you did

You know what they call men like that, don't you ?

He will soon be on to the next one. Did you really want a life like that, constantly looking over your shoulder for the next 21yo to catch his eye. Not so bad when you are in your twenties yourself, and can easily compete physically. Not so great after a couple of kids and a few years on the clock.

Keep thinking you are better off out of it, because you are

You are not a naive 21yo any more. No more excuses for bad choices.

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 13/07/2011 14:36

I am insanely angry. More than upset now.

Tonight I am moving the rest of my stuff out the house, including the only duvet. I will be back once he's left to go on his lads' shagfest to supervise the professional cleaners but not until he has gone. I'm planning on leaving a note explaining, briefly, that I am over apologising now and am disgusted with the recent lies from him. I have taken my possessions and do not intend to contact him in the future. Sorry about the duvet, I'm sure your disdain for me will keep you warm at night.

fuckingcuntingbastard. (sorry)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 14:38

Glad to hear it, chubs

I really do not get what you ever thought you had to apologise for

Staying away from him completely is the best thing you can do.

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 13/07/2011 14:42

When someone you love for than anyone you've ever loved tells you they hate you because of your actions (going out a lot, new friends, sometimes not coming home because of all night parties but I'm 23 ffs) I think the knee jerk reaction is to apologise and beg. Atleast it was for me. Not any bloody longer.

I never ever get angry, this is strange and a bit horrible.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 14:47

embrace the anger

it is far too late coming, love

he wanted the youg dolly bird, but on his terms

so the trophy young piece, but not one that acted young, oh no

he wanted one that did what she was told

you should stay 23 (physically, emotionally and mentally), not be moulded into someone middle-aged on the say-so of some fucked-up svengali

who the fuck does he think he is ?

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 14:49

build you up, knock you down, mould you into a shadow of your former self

this man was meant to love you ?

love means to give someone wings, to be their true self with no fear of recriminations, because you want them to be happy

he doesn't love you, he just wants to break you

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 13/07/2011 14:55

I know. He used to support me but since I quit the job I hated and started one I love in the sphere most my friends work which involves a lot of events, receptions etc... less so. He's saying now that it's because he thinks I cheated on him but before he decided that he was not happy with me going out so much. At first I always invited him but he didnt like my friends and always said no so I stopped, but didnt stop going. Two months later here we are, despite me promising (stupidly) I'd stop going out and all that.

He did love me I think once but not for a long time. I feel pretty broken to be honest. I'm just thinking about how much fun he is going to have off with his mate travelling when I'm still in London working.

Why the bloody fuck has he done this to me!?

OP posts:
Original poster
chubsasaurus · 13/07/2011 14:56

Actually thats shite. he didnt used to support me. When I had a job I hated that depressed me hugely he did look after me but then decided my love was a 'burden' and dumped me a week before Christmas.

I need this pain to stop so I can move on and not look back.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 15:01

It will stop when you detach from him, and stop trying to understand why he acted like he did. He did it because ...

It is hugely confusing and demoralising to realise you have been taken for a fool.

< bitter experience emoticon >

You will get over it though. You will.

He will always be a twat, however. What is his excuse ?

Now you are free to meet someone who will appreciate who you really are.

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 13/07/2011 15:09

I have just had two rather sweet friends call me. One offered me his transferable airmiles and one is taking me for 5 days in Croatia in August. I feel rather a bit better now but still irritated at the thought of that twat galavanting around Europe with his equally twatty friend who cheated on his ex with around 6 girls in two weeks.

I feel demoralised and weak and sad and empty and bloody angry. But I feel a lot better because of you.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 15:13

Those feelings will fade, I promise you.

Eventually all that will be left is the "wtf was I thinking" which in your low points will torment you, but mostly you will start getting over it quite nicely as long as you have things to look forward to.

Your friends sound great.

Pick up again with the ones you know you distanced yourself from to try and keep twatface sweet. They will still be there for you.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 15:14

I could punch myself in the head for some of the stupid things I have done wrt twatty men. Grin

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 14/07/2011 08:33

I went out last night after moving all my stuff out and it was all lovely. Today I once again feel like I'm going to faint with sadness. I'm going to go back to the house to see him tonight, I can't not

OP posts:
HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 14/07/2011 08:54

Don't! That's all I have to say. You will regret it later, honestly. Keep your dignity!

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 14/07/2011 09:08

Ive cried for like 18 hours straight, my eyes hurt, dignity seems less important than usual :(

OP posts:
AnyF · 14/07/2011 15:21

Don't

Just don't

You will regret it

Come on love, after everything you have said, where is your self-respect ?

He treated you very badly before. You prostrate yourself at the feet of this man, you give him carte blanche to keep you lower than the dirt on his shoe

he's just a man

the world is full of them

Except he is a defective one, not worth your time, not worth your love, but mostly not worth you burying the last of what constitutes your self-esteem

He is not all you think you deserve

he is not all you are worth

he is not worth it

he's just one man

AnyF · 14/07/2011 15:22

I wish I had answered you earlier, with Threads I'm On being down, I only just spotted your update

be strong love

holyShmoley · 14/07/2011 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerHissyness · 14/07/2011 16:01

I second the insistence in NOT TO GO.

Please, for your own sanity, don't give him the satisfaction of tearing your heart to pieces.

Original poster
chubsasaurus · 14/07/2011 16:14

I know I'm being pathetic. I feel like my life has suddenly been ripped apart and I've lost my best friend and the only person who's ever made me feel human.

OP posts:
greybacksgirl · 14/07/2011 17:40

I just wonder if he will try and make up with you after he has had his 'time and space' away.(ie after he has had his fun).
This man really didn't love you, don't see him and be sad. You are young, have an exciting job (that involves going to parties - how fab is that?), good friends.... let him remember an empty silent house, not a heartbroken young woman desperate for him to stay (because that's probably how he'll see it even if you sing 'so long farewell' from the sound of music)

AnyF · 14/07/2011 17:41

he is no friend of yours

would a friend treat you like this ?

if a friend did you would disown them

come on, let's stop with the Amateur Dramatics now. You are 23. You will meet lots more people who will make you feel good

this person does not make you feel good

do you "feel human" now...or do you feel like shit ?

he did that to you

yes him

and he did it with cool, cold calculation

go begging back to him, and you will have descended to a lower rung of contemptibility in his eyes

this is what they do

they make you feel you can't live without them

well, of course you can

you are a grown woman, a real woman, not a character in a bad novel

and believe me, your life will be worse by having him in it, than having him out of it

get a grip now, and stay away from him

AnyF · 14/07/2011 17:43

this is AnyFucker, btw, in case you hadn't guessed (still in work swear-free name)

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