saddest feeling?

[chubsasaurus]

Aside death...

Watching someone who once pursued you mercilessly, loved you with every inch of their being, would have moved the world, given up anything and followed you anywhere... just not care any more. At all.

a 'Yeah, actually I've been thinking...' conversation. Definitely a great idea!

It's pretty impossible to dump someone who dislikes you so much they've had an STD check and packed up all their possessions to leave.

My father said all this. He thinks he's a class A twat and I shouldn't give him the satisfaction of crying in front of him.

I think your dad's right, if he's made his mind up and is being so nasty why is he staying til Friday, just because it's convenient for him? You really have nothing to lose, tell him his things are packed and you want him out. Take control of the situation and you will feel so much better. I know it's hard when you have feelings for someone but it will make you feel so much better about yourself and make it easier to move on. He sounds like a control freak and you are better off without him.

he accuses you of cheating ?

classic projection

let him go, love

trying to hang on to a man like this will destroy you

tell him you have had time to think, and agree it will never work

then don't contact him, cold turkey, it's the only way

and then, when he comes crawling back, you tell him to fuck off

put his stuff outside

he goes in the morning

And why has he had an STD check? maybe that's because of something he has been up to rather than you

open your eyes, love

you need to find your anger

I went home last night, he was incredibly sweet, we had dinner, I had hope.

This morning he tells me he's spent the whole night thinking how much he despises me, cannot hide his disdain and is counting down the hours until he can have nothing to do with me ever again. He then sent a wildly offensive message once I'd left for work about the guy he thinks I've been sleeping with and I've asked him to just keep the bile to himself for now.

AF - you've posted on my threads about him before and were helpful then. He's away tomorrow (works quite far away) and back late Thursday, then leaves Friday. I need to deal with moving hte rest of my stuff into my new house and having the professional cleaners in this weekend for the last one (rented).

I feel like I've lost my stomach.

I don't remember your name, love

I post on a lot of relationship threads though

Your husband is treating you abominably. He is being deliberately cruel. You must detach as he seems to want to intentionally break your spirit.

He is nice/nasty/nice/nasty. Why ? Why would he do that if not to stick in the knife ? I am worried about you. I think you really, really should not communicate with him in any way. Do you have tom see him on Thurday at all ? I suggest you find a way, any way, to avoid that. He will have had a few days to cook up an even more incisive way to cut you to the bone.

Have you any support in RL ? Someone to just be with you ?

I absolutely agree with AF. This man is looking for ways to hurt and demean you. The more you give him, the more he will use it as evidence that you are weak and not good enough for him. Kick the fucker right out, dont talk to him, change your number, change the locks and never talk to him again. At the end of the day the abusive messages are harrassment and malicious communications which is illegal and if they dont stop inform him you will call the police to deal with his pestering. Scumbag.

On your profile where it says "what you say about yourself" the first thing you write is about your "lovely, beautiful DP"

That is so very telling

You have put this cruel man on a pedestal.

You must take him down from it. He is just a man. A failure. He has let you down. He has hurt you. Now he has decided you have outlived your usefulness, he still cannot admit that he is the one that has changed. That he is the one who wants out. Why couldn't he just be truthful without destroying you?

This man does not deserve the esteem you hold him in. He never did.

I love AF's suggestion of quite simply saying you have had time to think and that now you agree that it is over. Be civil, cold and aloof, even if inside your stomach is churning. I bet this horrid man will be seriously disturbed, and will probably start back-tracking. Try to pull out all the reserves of strength you have not to succumb. Be strong as sounds like this is your opportunity to get out xxxx

The Beautiful South A Little Time

I need a little time,
To think it over,
I need a little space,
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little time.........

Funny how quick the milk turns sour, isn't it, isn't it ?
Your face has been looking like that for hours, hasn't it, hasn't it?
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mis-trust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little..........

Need a little room for your big head, don't ya, don't ya?
Need a little space for a thousand beds, won't you, won't you?
Lips that promise feel the worst
Tongue so sharp the bubble bursts
Just into un-just

I had a little time
To find the truth
I had a little room
To check whats wrong
I need a little time
I still love you
I need a little..........

Had a little time and you had a little fun, didn't ya, didn't ya?
Well you had yours do you think I had none, do ya, do ya?
The freedom that you wanted so bad
Is yours for good, I hope your glad
Sad into un-sad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I had a little time x4

I know, I need to find strength and stop begging him to forgive me. I feel so incredibly weak, I've spent the morning fielding messages from him saying how he will change his number (I wouldn't bloody stalk him, if he doesnt want to speak to me once he leaves then I'll leave him alone) and 'disappear'.

I realised earlier how many months on and off this year I've spent more days crying than not because of him. I love him but in a few days, once he is gone, I am hoping I harden up and start protecting myself.

And thank you for the support.

My profile has the first thing as him because I deleted most of the bits about me after I realised I was giving too much away now and then and recognisable in RL

chubs, this whole sorry saga has been going on for so long

stop letting him hurt you

Chubs, this man sounds exactly like my ex. Charmed existence, thinks the world of himself, total and utter control freak. He is concoting in his head some fantastical scenario to justify his reasons for leaving. He'll have convinced himself he's right because he's never wrong, he's amazing. It's all your fault because he's clearly a spoilt brat that's never had to take respnsbility for himself. Writerofdreams is right - his intesity at the start was his desire to own you.

He's built you up so he can tear you down. You're well rid.

It may not seem like it now, but in a few months, you'll look back and see. I didn't see it at the time and my when I left all my friends commented on my ex-p's controlling, emotionally abusive behaviour.

He probably got scared that he might lose control if you got in the habit of going out and having your own life too much so has dreamnt up the cheating thing to make you feel like you don't want to go out anymore as it'll only cause a row. My God, i'm scaring myself writing this just how similar our scenarios are.

See this as a blessing xx

MLB thanks, my Dad's been telling me he's a spoilt control freak and I just still don't see it, I think he's wonderful and I've hurt him but I presume this is because I'm still caught up in it.

AF absolutely. Since the first drama in December it has been a long, long trial. I feel a bit stronger this afternoon already becuase of you all. Thank you x

Of course you don't see it - he's messed your mind up so much with all his games that you probably can't think straight. Come Friday, he may even declare he's changed his mind and wants to stay, just to mess with your head a bit more. Kick him to the kerb. It's hard but you'll thank yourself for it.

Chubs, I don't post on Relationship threads, but your story has moved me.

A close friend went through something similar, a fantastically romantic guy she got together with when she was 18, rose petal baths with wine, chocolates, the lot. Earth moving and all that jazz. Married the bastard who started to be more and more controlling with regards to what she wore or who she socialised with etc. She found out when she was nine months pregnant that he had another woman - also pregnant - on the go. Once she chucked him out he became properly nasty and this unfortunately continues, even years after the divorce due to contact with her DD.

You haven't done anything that he needs to forgive. Please listen to your Dad, please listen to AF and all the others on here and be strong. You may have just had the escape of your life, even though it may not feel like it at present. All the best.

Thanks skorpion. It's just very hard managing his split personality at the moment. I doubt there's anyone else on the go but there soon will be once he leaves. God it's so sad. This time last year I was so, so happy. He doesn't want to take any photos of us with him, for some reason that really upset me when actually it's pretty trivial.

that is because he sees your relationship as "trivial" chubs

do you see that ?

How did your relationship start Chubs? Where did you meet? Was he by any chance still in a relationship when you met him?

So sorry for what is happening to you - hopefully, you will get through it. Have you ever looked up "limerance?" It's a real eye-opener; or (don't know how to share threads on here) "Beware the Amorous Bolter."

Take care of yourself and very best wishes for your future!

He was my dissertation supervisor at university. I know. He was also married. We kissed once, I said I wouldn't get involved and went travelling, when I got back he had ended it and I gave it a go - he convinced me I was a catalyst if anything, but that was after my insistence he shouldnt leave and I was not going to have that on my conscience. I shouldnt have kissed him ever but I was pretty young (21) and carried away with the person I had been a bit obsessed with for a year making it clear when I finished my degree that it was mutual. He's 9 years older than me. Anyway, it worked very well for 3 years.

I know what you're thinking. I need a stupid naive girl emoticon (and a slap).

My sadness is turning to anger a bit, I've found out the fucking cunt bastard is off on holiday rather than going to his parents house. Brilliant.

Better off out yeah?