I want another baby. He doesn't. What to do?

[8maidsaremilking]

ok, so I am 35 and so so broody. My DP and I have a gorgeous DS who we both adore and are in a fairly steady relationship, however we have one massive issue that both of us feel very strongly about for different reasons. I desperately want another baby for lots of reasons. Since turning 35 last month, I have become really worried that if it doesn't happen soon, it might never be possible. My DP is equally determined that he is quite happy with our son and does not want another baby. We have agreed to leave the topic until after the summer but I can't seem to forget it.

Would it be absolutely awful if I "accidentally" fell pregnant?? I know he would feel really hurt and angry that I have betrayed his trust but ultimately I am sure he would accept it and become a fantastic father to a new baby as he is with our son.

Or should I leave things as they are and discuss it again in a few months in the hope that we can both agree?

Your thoughts would be appreciated

Totally agree with leguminous. The person who doesn't want another baby must prevail.

It's not like giving your wife a birthday present. Another child requires a lifelong commitment - and expense.

How would you feel if your son was pressurised into having a child he didn't want? Or was tricked into it?

It's a complete cop out to say 'but he adores our dc now'. Well, of course he does, unless he's a monster. We'd all adore all of our hypothetical children. But we choose to limit our families for good reason.

And that 'last one' could be twins. Or, like a couple I know, triplets.

Don't have an 'accident'.
Was in the same situation and fell pregnant genuinely accidentally (coil in situ).

For a while DH was livid with me. Accused me of pretending to have had the coil fitted or secretly getting it removed. Said my being upset and drinking too much when he booked a vasectomy after I had mcd was me blackmailing him, couldn't bear to look at me etc.

Very dark days.
He's seen my medical notes and I think accepts that I did have the coil in. Things are better in that he's not directing his anger at me any more but I think he's still horribly stressed.
I'm feeling pretty hacked off that he accused me of tricking him and would presumably still be doing so without having seen confirmation of me having had the coil fitted from my GP.
Things are getting better as the pregnancy progresses and we're both making a real effort now.
I think we'll be ok but it's been a really horrible time.
Cannot imagine how awful things would have been if I had tricked him. We wouldn't have survived this despite beong the loves of each other's lives and having two DCs already. I think the deceit would have destroyed us.

The OP posted in July 2011, over a year ago. Hopefully this has resolved itself one way or another by now!

FWIW, imo both prospective parents have to actively choose to have another baby, the responsibility is so massive you both need to opt in.

I was in this position in reverse, but did eventually come around to my DH's wish to have another. Keep talking.

Louise,

I think your post will just get overlooked in the end of a long thread from 2011 about rather different circumstances.

Could I suggest you repost in either 'pregnancy choices' or 'relationships'?

I had twins and wanted another. He said no more children, then left me and had 3 more.

Never let yourself be pressured into an abortion you don't want.