I've gone but I'm going to need your help detaching and staying away

[BeforeAndAfter]

Sorry this is so long - I have lurked on the threads of Solost and WisedUpWoman (and others), in total admiration at the honesty, courage and determination laid out there not to mention the incredible advice (and wicked humour) provided by the MN crew. I know that I will really need the support of you lovely ladies over the coming weeks.

Like many of you my life can be divided into two acts: Before Discovery (BD) and After Discovery (AD). Life immediately BD wasn?t quite normal but wasn?t too far off. After 15 years together, the last six of which have been married, I thought we were just going through one of those distant, stressed phases, where a passionate love life was a distant memory due to DH?s redundancy, my exams, life etc. I now know otherwise and with that knowledge all of those little niggling signs that were there all fall into place and become obvious ? duh ? . How could I have missed the signs?

I am by no means daft but I had not put 2 and 2 together and reached 4, I was at about 3.25. I had figured out who OW was going to be but I truly thought it was budding as opposed to being in full bloom. My strategy BD had been to invite her to dinner and head off her attack by making me into a real live human being with feelings (I have never met her) but it turns out that I was way way too late. Discovery took place on 16 March with a bit more detail on 17 March. The affair has been going on since July 2010. YES, that long. In his words it started as the odd shag but since this year has developed into far more where he realised that come what may, all three players would be hurt (ah, such thoughtfulness).

At this point I feel I need to give some more detail about our lifestyle to give more context. We are fortunate enough to have a house in the country and a crash pad in the city, which was used by us both as relief from the commute. Then in August last year we bought our dream home (quasi retirement) somewhere warm, with a view to me giving up work in 2012, when DH?s pension would kick in. I work full-time (I?m 14 years younger than DH), we have no kids but he has two DDs who are now my beloved DSDs, both of whom are at uni.

Following DH?s redundancy in 2008 he found a part-time job and took up a hobby and the hobby is how he met OW. Towards the end of last year I noticed I could do little right and with his increasing enthusiasm for his hobby and his increasing criticism of me I found myself spending more time on my own at the crash pad rather than with DH at the house. Lesson number 1, never leave a man alone, they need constant attention. OW obviously couldn?t believe her luck and she reeled him in big time.

In February I approached DH to say that I felt we had drifted apart and needed to fix things at which point he agreed and, with indecent haste, volunteered that we spend time apart (about six weeks) with no communications so that he ?could think?. I was dumbfounded as being on his own is totally out of character for him (he is a selfish needy person, so a typical man then). He suggested he would go to the dream home for some space to allow his feelings for me to return and strengthen (ho ho). Anyway, I was still scratching my head, trying to figure out who this man was and trying to figure out why he had built a brick wall and wouldn?t let me in. He came back from the dream home and met me as arranged and agreed that we were best friends etc and that we should try and restart our relationship. At that point he was still not himself. A couple of hours later he broke down and dropped the bombshell about OW and the fact it had been going on since July 2010. I asked if he?d taken OW to dream home and he said ?absolutely not? and then I asked if he?d stayed overnight at her place when I was at crash pad and he said ?no?. I also asked the inevitable question about safe sex and was assured they always used protection. The next day I rang a close friend of mine who is a philandering male (please don?t judge me on my friends?) and he told me DH was definitely lying about using protection.

That day I went back to the house, not having been there for some time, in a symbolic ?moving back in with DH? gesture. We had agreed that he would finish with OW that night and be back by a certain time. Two hours after that deadline was up I assumed he was not coming back so I decided to find out the true extent of their relationship. I went into his Skype account (note ladies this IS a criminal act) and there was a whole written conversation between them which talked about him sleeping next to her, their passionate mornings (I?m sparing the graphic detail) and the fact that she couldn?t wait to fly out to see him. What I don?t understand is how another woman (excellent job, educated at top uni, so not dim) could go into my home to steal my DH. Forget the morals about affairs, I just would not go into someone else?s home and abuse it ? it feels like I have been burgled let alone having my husband stolen. BTW philandering male friend told me that men don?t think the same as women about bricks and mortar which oddly enough did help me. Back to Skype, with one password I found out the extent of his lying ? he had stayed overnight with her at her house and he had taken her to my dream home. Anyway, he eventually came home having dumped her and when I showed him what I?d found he confessed. He then told me he could never trust me again (yes, HE could never trust ME again) and changed all his passwords.

So, fast forward over a couple of traumatic months where he finished with her, I finished with him, we pinged back together, they pinged back together etc. Note: at no stage did he finish with me. The main reason for his flipping back and forth was that he refused to give up the hobby so OW was always there, reeling him in. He then properly finished with OW and, at my insistence, gave up the hobby. The only problem is he was thoroughly depressed, clearly grieving the OW and totally self-absorbed ? like a sulking child.

During the last reconciliation it was clear he was still communicating with her and when I was packing my belongings to leave he had an outburst and implored me to stay, confessing that they had been texting and phoning but not e-mailing or seeing each other. I agreed to stay one last time but his behaviour has gone back to being odd so I expect she?s back on the scene. I turned Poirot and found that there had previously been more than texting but the killer for me is that it is clear he really really loves her and is staying with me for financial reasons. Sadly his behaviour supports this so I cannot rationalise that the words were ?just for her?. Also during this period my mental health spiralled downwards and I ended up on anti-depressants, all the time pleading with him to stop the lying and tell me truth, and he just looked me in the eye and lied and lied.

Oh and one final thing on my scenario I have endured the agony of a visit to ?the clinic? and been checked out completely and he has now admitted that they did not use protection as the affair intensified. Additionally, from the start of their affair I have had thrush on and off and felt that I wasn?t ?quite right? down there so again, all of that fell into place once I knew.

I am lucky in that my work colleagues have been AMAZING and carried me through this hell but family only know we?re having problems. I know that even though I am strong tonight over the next day or so I will want to hear him, touch him, smell him and feel his arms around me (although lately hugs were only there when I asked, wtf ?) that's where I hope you MNs will be around to keep me focussed and strong. He's a liar and a cheat and I am too good for him (my current mantra).

Thank you for reading this far.

Aw, shucks, don't feel it, but thanks .

My first Sunday evening post-H. Started wallowing so decided to unpack boxes and find homes for everything. Have rolled scarves and belts (WTF???) into a drawer and now developed a passion for ironing. Well, that's a first. Currently doing the ironing with a bottle of super cheap fizz and Bon Jovi. Would never have done that before. Would have been in spare room with Radio 4. Hmm, quite like this version thanks. BTW am doing middle-aged-lady sexy dancing while ironing. Gotta practice for Wisey's gig. Who's coming?

Morning B&A, you are doing amazingly. Look how far you've come in just a week! I found keeping busy helped me in the early days, but you do need to look after yourself, at some point you'll feel exhausted as everything catches up with you. Just accept it when it does, and go with it. Take care.

If you come to the gig it's open mike night so you better perfect your sexy dance moves B&A

Saff can do a blindfolded knife-throwing act at Lycra Man as he spins on a large wheel.

I'll sing a top C until I burst PTM's eardrums.

Anyfucker can....well she can deliver the best one liners in the business.

Then we'll all drink fizz and do the sideways walk of shame home.

Today was a tough one. I called my sassy sol and I'm seeing her on Thursday. When I saw her back in April she told me to go away and see if I could salvage something from the marriage because I clearly loved him. Today when she asked how everything was going I told her that I absolutely hate the bastard and am ready to throw everything I have at him. She just purred: "oh good, then come and see me on Thursday". I love her already.

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. It will not be ours but mine. And I wonder if I have done the right thing ... I texted DSD2 to make sure she was OK and she said she wanted to go out (she's at uni not too far from me) so I asked if she was brave enough to join me for dinner tomorrow and she said that if I was then so was she.

She is totally grounded and bubbly and fun and likes me spoiling her with good food and wine so I think we may have a few tears to start but we have the capacity to turn these to tears of laughter. I hope that I have not burdened her but I so want see her and give her a hug. You see she may "only" be an SD but she's my SD and I made the choice a long time ago that there would only ever be SDs and if I lost them then it would be truly unbearable. However unthinkable it may be, H is replaceable but the SDs are not.

B&F expect this to happen, the relatively good days followed by not so good (and sometimes I bet you have days when you have every emotion it's possible to feel). I'm pleased you have a sassy sol, it makes all the difference to know there's someone on your side who can smell a bad'un a mile off.

You sound like a lovely SM, one who loves her DSD's unconditionally and that's all DC's need really.

My DC's are behaving just like little siblings now we're all (temporarily) under the same roof - arguing over the remote, who has to do the washing up, who ate the last of the peanut butter........(they're 15, 27 and 30 ffs!). I just sit there and let them get on with it, but I smile inwardly at how comfortable they are with each other.

Look after yourself tonight B&F. Rest, get some sleep and tomorrow you will celebrate your anniversary.
Wisey
X

Swanky restaurant is booked for celeb spotting tonight. Normally I would die of shame when DSD2 shows up in her unwashed jeans (low slung, of course), her once white nike shoe thingys that aren't trainers and aren't shoes, and a cheekily sloganed T-shirt and I will resist the urge to whip out my hairbrush and try and tame her unstyled hair. Tonight I will totally adore her for being her and being there.

The anniversary dinner with DSD2 turned out to be a blast. Much better than any of the alternatives I could have mustered. We discussed H for about 15 minutes. Of course he had not told her anything except that I had gone and that he was seeing OW over this weekend. So I said: ?oh, didn?t he tell you he?s been having an affair with OW since last July?. She asked me a few more questions and then said ?I have had way too much respect for my father when he doesn?t deserve any of it?. She then took my hands in hers and apologised for her father?s behaviour (!). Bless. I did say she wasn?t responsible for anything he?s done and he?s still a great Dad. Then we had a little love-in and went back to having fun. We were having so much fun and enjoying the food that we forgot to celeb spot so no gossip there. She came back and stayed overnight with me and I made clear that my home will always be her home and that nothing changes.

For some reason sleep eluded me on Tuesday night and Wednesday night so Thursday turned out to be a bit bleak. Sassy sol was stuck in court so couldn?t make our appointment so I ended up having a daytime TV day which can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered but this time it was a bit depressing. It was a day to let the dishes pile up, which I did, while I ate umpteen bowls of cereal topped with cream (how bad was that??). Then I went to therapy, which was interesting because, in his words, I displayed a killer calm when talking about H but crumpled the moment the DSDs were mentioned. When I discussed this in RL a friend suggested that I?d been breaking up with H for some time but my shifting relationship with the DSDs is new and raw; wise words indeed. This week I have to keep a feelings diary. Every time my feelings change I need to jot down my mood and jot down what I?m doing so see if here is a link/pattern. That will be interesting to review at the end of the week.

I saw sassy sol on Friday and morning and she was ace. So the first letter will be sent this week and I'll see what he's made of in terms of integrity. I suspect I will be battling the combined minds of H and OW though so that will be interesting but I will know if I am reading his words or hers. I know him. I know him.

Friday night DSD1 came down from uni to see me and stayed. I was at the house packing so we had a lovely dinner and lots of laughter. She commented on how her Dad had changed last summer, which he vehemently denies. It?s so sad that H just can?t / won?t see this. He seems to think he has been totally normal while starting a secret life. She was pretty appalled too and after breakfast I dropped her off home and we had a little love-in. All is well with my DSDs and me. I?m not so sure how they feel about their Dad. I was very careful not be nasty about their Dad but I was honest as they are adults and old enough to be told the truth. Breakfast was sad for me; it was probably the last breakfast I will have with DSD1 in my kitchen.

So once DSD1 was off I continued packing and then feeling a tad battered I left and chugged back to base with my boxes. I won?t unpack them tonight. They can sit there for tonight while I try a find a bit of zing from somewhere. I feel flat and lonely tonight and when the clock strikes 7pm I?ll open a bottle because whether it should or not a glass of fizz sure as hell makes life alone on a Saturday night a little more bearable.

Hey, B&C!

I was wondering how your evening went, glad to hear you and both your DSD's have had a good talk.

WRT to your H denying stuff - well isn't that so predictable? He's joined the ranks of those errant H's who can't bear to think of themselves as fallible. Ignore, ignore, ignore as Saff would say. You know the truth, that's all that matters now.

I'll be opening up a bottle of in a minute or two so I'll raise my glass to you and all you've achieved in a short space of time. Bless your lovely DSD's and their wisdom and integrity. You are getting back all you've put in with them which speaks volumes.

And you won't be alone tonight. I'll be thinking of you (((hugs))).

I don?t know what else to do. I?ve done all the positive thinking, positive action crap. I?ve distracted myself and I?ve tried to think up new tricks with which to fool myself but nothing?s working. Tonight I want H. I want H?s arms around me, I want to hear his voice, I want to see his eyes looking at me with so much love and passion and I just want to quietly be with H. I want to be with my H and I want to be cherished and loved by my H. My H who does not want to be with me. I have to drum that in. I have to repeat he does not want me. He does not love me. This is a sad sad night that even fizz cannot mend. Shallow distraction cannot mend this but I know time will and this will pass. I?ve been putting lots of ?cards on the table? in RL this week so maybe I?ll play cards now. Literally.

Good morning B&C. I hope you got some sleep and respite from what sounds like a very painful yearning for H.

Now listen up. You have been doing marvellously. You are dealing with the consequences of a situation which is not of your making and you're doing a fantastic job. It's still such early days and it shows you're going through the process of grieving. I'd be more worried tbh if you were posting that everything is hunky dory, he's a bastard and you are so over him - that would be a denial of your right to feel the way you do.

Something similar happened to me a couple of months back, just after I had won my dream job - suddenly the protection of the shock and numbness wore off and god, how I longed for and missed XH as I realised the other side of the 'I got this job entirely on my own merits and without any help from him' was that I am now flying solo. I spent the night sobbing into a photo of him taken last summer. It was a very low point and I was so, so tempted just to send an email, pick up the phone. But I came here instead and thankfully our lovely MNers flagged for me the warning signs of caving in. And then I was ok.

You won't do that, you are strong and you clearly know yourself very well. And you also know your H, inside out. Missing the H who loved and wanted the best for you is something you can safely do further down the line. This, for me, is really part of the injustice of the situation - you did nothing wrong yet you are the one carrying the hurt and loneliness. It's easy for me to say your H doesn't deserve to be in your heart and your mind, yet I know that he will be for a while. A RL friend suggested to me that whenever XH occupies my head I say "thank you for that commentary PTM, now fuck off".

Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to acknowledge this point in your journey and to say we're with you. ((((hugs))))

Thank you Wisey. It's so lovely to know you're there for me. Your hugs are very sustaining. :)

It's a very odd thing how this virtual support really does work. It allows you to be honest in a very real and raw way that you probably wouldn't if we were using real names and photos. And the thought that someone else may find one grain of what we share useful is brilliant too.

I am bloody-minded at the best of times and most of the time I can be indignant about what H has done and use the "how dare he ..." line and "I'm blowed if I'm going to waste tears on him ..." line to get me through but sometimes, as you well know, you can't trick your mind. You can't always battle through the shitty bits which I guess is part of the healing process.

So today's projects will be MORE unpacking ; although trying to figure out how to cram things in is a bit like the Krypton Factor. Pilates with lush instructor and then off to find some food and avoid buying more cream.

You're right that this whole shitty thing is so unjust. And that stinks for me. Maybe I wasn't the most attentive wife when H got to point of shagging OW but I was knee deep in exams that H had promised to support me through. H and I had agreed that I could start my law conversion which when working full-time is no mean feat. As I've told friends, I should have scheduled a blow-job on my revision schedule in between Wills & Trusts and Misrepresentation but I truly thought he got it.

Actually just typing this makes me f*ing angry. I kind of prefer that anger right now, it's more energy giving than the alternative.

(((grateful hug back to you)))

LOL at "fitting in a BJ" comment - that's where you went wrong then!

Seriously, it is the unjustness of it all that really hits home with me too. Ex has walked away from four teenagers, a house that was in the middle of needing repairs, an overgrown huge garden that he was going to tackle "when he had a minute", and absolutely everything. But you know what, it's his loss. Yeah, he hasn't had to organise builders, but he also missed out on seeing ED in her prom dress, looking like a princess. I've had to start tackling the garden, but he's missed out on seeing YS score a winning try in a rugby final. So it's his loss. The relationship he had with his kids has gone, and it will never, ever return. Oh, they'll see him (although ES says not, and hasn't spoken a word to him since he left in April), but it will never be the same. He's taken something invaluable, precious and irreplaceable, and smashed it to a thousand pieces. And as hard as he tries, it will never, ever be like it was before.

And keep using that anger productively - it got me through wonderfully.

I was feeling very up this morning but then I received sassy sol's official kick off draft, which gave me that pit-of-the-stomach lurch, the "oh shit, this is real" feeling. No matter how many mantras I recite, no matter how much toughness I conjure up, it stopped me in my tracks.

Then H sent me an e-mail in response to my weekend packing at the house and offered to bring some stuff up to the flat for me. I replied saying that I'd prefer he didn't because I was trying to make it my home and I realise it's as much his place as mine but I hoped he understood that I didn't want him here. He then came back saying that he felt the same about the house, that it was upsetting when I'd been there and moved stuff and taken things away but there was nothing he could do about it. WTF???

Does he think it's a walk in the park for me, alone in our home, that we chose to together, sifting our belongs into a his and hers pile? I am taking what I brought to the marriage, what I bought during the marriage. Anything that WE bought is being negotiated. HE is in OUR house, which has all of the treasures that make a home a home. I know I chose to move out of the house and stay at the flat but that's because it's close to my work, close to things to do and close to a social life. Me being here makes sense but it does not make it easy.

Then I logged on to Mumsnet and it so cheered me up. It really did. What can I say? My H most certainly is a twunty cocking man (copyright, Wisey)

B&A he's not thinking of you and how you feel. Because you still don't get that the world only exists with him as master of all he surveys.

Now the sooner you start behaving yourself the happier he will be, and that, after all, is what you were born to do, isn't it?

See, I think it's good you got those two bits of news on the same day. The first is reality based (shite that it is) and the second is the world according to CTM. Now which, when all is said and done, suits you better, will start the road to a much better life?

I remember seeing the petition for the first time and it shocked me to see it on a legal document. I was shocked to receive the notice of the nisi from the court - validation of the contents of the petition. But each is a step forward, away from all the crappy stuff. It's on my mind every single day, but it hurts less and less whilst I get more focussed. You will too. You're doing brilliantly. You're a smart and funny woman, I'm glad we met here.

more ((((hugs)))) to you tonight.

You ok today, *B&A?

B&A are you ok?

Here I am!

Thanks for checking in a couple of times Wisey. I hope I haven?t worried you. I?ve had internet trouble and then today was Mum?s birthday so we?ve had a big ol? family bunfight which was glorious. I?m feeling very loved up by my siblings now! One sister over from France and the other down from up North so it was a rare get together. You?re never too old to have your sisters clucking around you!

I?ve had a good week, I really have. I?ve definitely drunk too much alcohol, but I don?t care. I have one eye on that to make sure I don?t go down the lonely old lush route. Then I had theatre tickets that H and I were supposed to use. I?d taken my ticket to ensure that he couldn?t go with OW but as I had made it quite clear that I would walk out of the theatre if he used his and appeared next to me he gave me his ticket so I took a girlfriend. We had a great time.

I did therapy last night, having kept my feelings diary for a week and my therapist just honed in on the painful spot, just like when a good masseur finds the knot in your back and presses their finger hard into it. So I had a cry about that and we talked it through and I?m pleased I?m going. The bit that got me was because H had offered to help me move out by bringing boxes up to the flat and I had this stupid ?alas moment? over that because when I read that offer of help I just thought: ?why didn?t he try to help last year, by talking to me?; ?why didn?t he try to help by acting to save our marriage? etc. All utterly pointless thoughts but very real to me nonetheless.

The other strange thing I had this week which I do relate to from other MNers and their threads, is I have had an irrational moment of hope. But hope for what? I can at least recognise how irrational it was. The day after I went to the theatre, H e-mailed me about my access to the house this weekend and then finished up with a chatty line asking if the show had been good and if I would recommend it to him so he could beg, borrow or steal a ticket before the end of the run. Of course, I immediately see that he?s written ?I? and not ?We? so my ditsy side of the brain goes something like this:

I = no OW.

Chatty tone = friendly and therefore sorry.

H wants reconciliation.
= Hope of a Happy Ever After tale.

Hope? Nope. Smart brain kicked in and told me to stop being stupid but only after I?d tried to draft several responses to address his question. There was the friendly response, the chatty response, the flirty response and then the one I plumped for - deleting the lot and not responding at all. That?s the Saffy response.

My therapist is worried that I?m flying too quickly along the recovery phase to absorb everything that?s happened. Maybe I am, I don?t know, but I do know that I wouldn?t be feeling so together without all of you sharing your experiences so openly.

Thank you. xx

top marks for clarity
no bloke pays for a single seat in a theatre

Phew! Glad to hear you've had a good week overall.

Same here with the theatre tickets. Bought very good seats to see War Horse for PTM last Christmas. Sold them, didn't want to go.

I know what you mean about looking for micro-meanings in everything too, trying to get into his head and all that. And the potential scripts which follow from the infinite ways in which false hope can keep us hooked in to disbelief that this is real. If you're anything like me, at some point you'll harden your attitude to it but I think you're therapist is on the money. For me, this process goes hand-in-hand with recovery.

FWIW I think of hope in a relational context yet the perspectives are different, we're now hoping for different things. Bolters hope for a nice easy road out, a quiet life and compliant ex spouses and their disbelief comes from realising this is a two-way process, just as ours does.

I saw this on PTM's face in mediation. You can't hide body language. I know he used the mediation to lie, to try and scare me, to manipulate, but he couldn't hide his own desperation and fear that he is, for the first time, having to face his impotence. He is a failed actor (yes, he really is a failed actor) and he failed because he isn't true to himself. The person who should be most disappointed with him, is him.

Anyway, you are a well-sorted woman, you recognise what's going on. Keep composing those responses because they can be cathartic and they represent your working through it don't they?

Just checking in with you B&A, how are you this week?

Hi Wisey

I?m OK thanks, I?m not bubbling, I?m kind of getting on with it right now. I?m trying to focus on sorting the flat but that?s not going terribly well; somehow I seem to be creating more mess. I?ve decided to take a ruthless approach to my excessive wardrobe so I?m building up a bag for charity and will keep that up. Basically if it doesn?t fit or if I haven?t worn it for a year it?s going in the charity bag.

The next thing for me is to do is head to B&Q and IKEA for storage/shelving etc. I bought myself an electric drill (H didn?t want to give me the one we?ve just bought because it matches the other stuff he never uses...) so that turned up and I?m dying to use it. I?ve put up a coat rack and once I?ve put up some shelves I?ll be chuffed. I?ve now measured every spare inch of wall where I can put up a shelf or something so I just need to get shopping.

My internet?s now fixed but not the wireless but I?m being lazy about that, as long as the cable works right now that?s fine.

I sent H an e-mail in the week detailing several points on it and his reply yesterday shook me somewhat. When I left I wrote him a note which ended with me stipulating that I do not consent for OW to enter any property where I have a legal interest. So H e-mails me and says can he take her on holiday to dream home abroad. I just wanted to reply with an angry ?no you fucking can?t? e-mail but I haven?t. I need to make sure it?s rational and cold as ice. I?m not ready to do that and I just want to spew an emotional rant all over him right now! I have absolutely no intention of making it easy for him to play lord of the manor at my expense so if need be I shall just ask my lawyer to write to him to spell it out but I feel a bit stuck because I want him to play ball on the settlement side to ensure everything?s done as quickly as possible. I expect there will be more quid pro quo games to come.

H's e-mail arrived at about 4pm yesterday and then I saw my therapist later so I had a good rant and a cry about that. Therapy does seem to be helping in that it leaves me a lot of food for thought for the rest of the week - the sort of thinking that I wouldn't do without the therapist. So with his help I?m understanding the pitfalls to avoid next time meaning that I?m building up my profile of my perfect man but I?m fucked if I know any like that!

I also feel bad about another MNer that I so want to help but think I was a bit clumsy; hope I didn?t scare her off. Anyway I?m as flat as a pancake right now but I know that will pass. Knowing that does actually help.

I would be bloody furious if I was you - how dare he take OW to your place abroad! Of course you feel outraged - anyone would.

You're doing so well though - it's early days, and look how far you've come. Try and focus on the positives - because there are many for you. For one, you're free of him. She's welcome to him - they deserve each other. What sort of woman would feel comfortable in your joint holiday home? What sort of man would want another woman there? Rise above it, and if you can, ignore, ignore and ignore.

BeforeAndAfter, what a star you are. Even with your situation, you still have time to give good advice and support to others.

Actually I can say that about Saffysmum, WisedUpWoman...everyone really.

I am sorry to hear about your situation; I just found this and read through it.

I am also trying to think the same way; ABCKF and the KK deserve each other. I am well out of it. I have the DC and that is enough for me...more than actually.

I really like Saffysmum's 'ignore, ignore, ignore'...

Take care.

Grrrr to him B&A, what a twuntcock.

I wouldn't blur the settlement with trying not to upset his outrageous plans - you have every right to make stipulations like that, it isn't unreasonable at all. it was a cheap shot to ask such a thing and I'm at him for doing that.

There was a funny skit in the Simpsons yesterday about IKEA - it's such a clever comment on what our lives are like these days!

Am having a really shit morning missing twunty cocking H. Just sent the e-mail saying "Please don't take OW to dream home until we have legally undone everything." I'm sure he'll ignore me. I was so hurt that he would even ask. It really is a cheap shot, isn't?

Today's one of those days where my limbs and heart seem to weigh about 20 tonnes. Everything is heavy and lethargic. I've got to move my arse at some point because I've got Pilates at 3. At least I get to ogle some good biceps on the instructor! I do like a nice bicep and H had crap biceps.

DSD2 will be 21 next month and I'm kind of dreading that. DSD1 and DSD2 and I will celebrate together but it won't be on the day and it won't really be the same will it? I hosted DSD1's 21st and we had a lovely big family party (I adore rustling up food and funky birthday cakes) so I shall miss that and I had it all planned in my head, right down to the cake.

And so here's an MN lesson in action. B&A's wallowing. I'm kind of enjoying my pity party of one. Then I write about biceps and the fact that H's were crap and that makes me laugh. It's bloody marvellous therapy this posting lark, isn't it?