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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

507 replies

bail · 25/06/2011 22:49

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/06/2011 20:06

Grin @ "normal mothers"

you mean the type that turn a blind eye to misogyny and keep on poppin' the Mogadon ?

you were born in the wrong decade Rob, this ain't the 1950's in case you hadn't noticed

sungirltan · 26/06/2011 20:07

oh rob (pats him on the head). my dh points out attractive women to me from time to time, its sort of an in joke between us and part of people watching and interest in the human race. this is incomparable to him paying to sexually abuse a stranger in a lapdancing club. glancing up at an attractive woman walking past is not an objectifying, oppressive act and the passing beauty will not suffer either physically or emotionally.

buzzsore · 26/06/2011 20:08

"Normal mothers" are the ones who accept their husbands having lapdances and agree that every transaction between men & women, whether it be buying a pint or having a haircut are sexual in nature... riiiiiight.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:08

RobF You have posted some stuff on here that isn't very nice either. You know what I'm talking about as what you said actually made me start a thread!

And this is a public website, anyone can join. And it isn't just "man-hating extreme feminists." Do you think my DP is a man-hating extreme feminist? Because he has the same opinion of you as all the women on here.

Considering there are so many people against what you are saying maybe you should think that actually, you're talking a load of bollocks.

PrinceHumperdink · 26/06/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RobF · 26/06/2011 20:09

"you mean the type that turn a blind eye to misogyny and keep on poppin' the Mogadon ?"

There's a happy medium between this and divorcing a man over a trip to a lapdancing club. Both men and women have to accept that they cannot control their partner 100% of the time and each has a right to cut loose every once in a while. To not do this extremely unhealthy IMO and not conducive to a long and happy marriage.

AnyFucker · 26/06/2011 20:09

my post comparing your opinions to those of Levi Belfield still stands though

I may have worded it too strongly for Mn, but my opinion will be shared by many

sungirltan · 26/06/2011 20:10

whatsmore rob - didnt the WI (who are pretty representative of 'normal mothers') have a campaign to make life a bit better for sex workers (i forget the details)

your argument is fucking ridiculous though.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:10

So it's unhealthy to not go to strippers? Hmm

My DP still thinks you're talking a load of shite, infact with each extra post I show him he laughs a little louder, as do I. :o

AnyFucker · 26/06/2011 20:11

Rob, I have never banned my husband from doing anything

I never tell him what he can/cannot do

did you think this is how we conduct our relationship ?

I am in charge and he is a broken man with no positive will nor opinion of his own ??

you just keep thinking that, if it suits you better

RobF · 26/06/2011 20:12

I've no doubt that some sex workers are not treated well, which is why the industry needs to be fully legalized and regulated, not swept into a dark corner of the world and treated as if it doesn't exist.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:13

I would never have guessed you would have wanted prostitution fully legalized. Hmm

Sorry, and I don't think I have yet been really rude to anyone on MN yet but...

Fuck off back to 4chan will you?

sungirltan · 26/06/2011 20:14

cutting loose for dh is spending the day watching the wright stuff followed by going out with his army mates to crap old mens pubs and drinking and tlaking about back when they were interesting until 4am, followed by sleeping in an army van and waking up with wet jeans. and this is very much an alpha male who incidentally used to be a stripper.

AnyFucker · 26/06/2011 20:15

I've no doubt that some sex workers are not treated well, which is why the industry needs to be fully legalized and regulated, not swept into a dark corner of the world and treated as if it doesn't exist.

Rob...are you doing anything about that ?

or will you just carry on peddling your shocking opinions (thus perpetuating the whole sorry business) ?

sungirltan · 26/06/2011 20:15

this debate isn't about whether or not to legalise sex work its about whether its acceptable to partake in a lap dance whilst married. lap dancing is already legal and regulated. rob.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:17

Sun My DP's idea of "cutting loose" is opening a big bar of Galaxy and playing the Xbox. :o

sungirltan · 26/06/2011 20:21

schrodinger - :) they must be terribly repressed though....

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:27

Oh dear lord, I know!!

And our relationship must be so unhealthy and in need of dire repair because he hasn't been "cutting loose" and treating women like meat!

SinicalSal · 26/06/2011 20:31

Rob tell us a bit more about what men like, and how everybody else should just shut up regardless of who it's hurting.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:32

Oh yes, as Sinical said, please do tell us more. :o

I need a giggle educating.

anothermum92 · 26/06/2011 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DirtyMartini · 26/06/2011 20:36

RobF: you are hilariously predictable.

Anyone up for a game of RobF bingo?

lubbermummy · 26/06/2011 20:37

moomoo i dont know if its cheating. that's between him and his stripper(S) it has to be on a case by case basis. I do know its lying, and that's bad no matter how you slice/dice.

Rob f, i dont agree, hooters IS sleezy, music videos ARE sleezy, jaylo IS sleezy, the clothes that top shop and primark sell are often sleezy, the way a lot of 12 year olds dress is sleezy compared to the way my ex girlfreind stripper did 15 years ago. As long as girls and women are treated like a meat commodity, and continue to behave like a meat commodity (because lets face it, in this society, its rewarded) how can we ever expect to be better men? this sleezy thing is a bind, because its got some people thinking they need to be more sleezy because thats what MTV says, and at what point is it too far? at what point is it "oh, that dancer is working so hard to earn a living, and i like those moves" and at what point is it "i can see her minge! (wank wank wank)", which is usually followed by the post orgasm word "slut"
on the other hand, if you dont "try" you are somehow prudish or stuck up or conservative or hate sex, or some other bs. but its just that, BS, and its NOT true.

its about objectification, about seeing people as meat, or as a comodity and not as people with parents, with goals, with boyfreinds, with... a f"(king life. as just a pair of tits with a vagina and if she is lucky, and aluring smile and nice hair.

I enjoy looking at attractive women, but i prefer to oggle them with my wife. I dont need snoop dogs new dancers camel toe in hd thanks. It just makes me think his vid producer has no respect for women.

you can excuse yourself if you wish and trip off the stool of respectibity, and repeatedly disapoint your loved ones and fail to live up to any expectations because you cant control yourself or your wanking hand, if you must, but don't throw me in that bucket thanks very much.

Maybe as men, we too should be treated on a case by case basis.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 20:40

Well said, LubberMummy.

PrinceHumperdink · 26/06/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.