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Original poster

DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

507 replies

bail · 25/06/2011 22:49

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 28/06/2011 16:04

threaders, you do realise then that said waiters were not in fact, naked at all

Naked or not, the sole purpose of those waiters was to be something pleasurable for the women to look at - they were sex objects. Just like lapdancers are.

And not all lapdancers are naked. Some keep a thong on.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 16:10

FWIW kitty, I think the "naked waiters" thing is pathetic too

except they weren't naked, their sex organs were covered which is kinda where threaders point (if he had one) got somewhat lost

Malificence · 28/06/2011 16:12

I doubt very much that the ( not naked ) waiters were required to straddle the women's faces, encourage them to lick their nipples or masturbate for the delectation of the women.
A recent thread on here was posted on by a woman who had a private dance to see exactly what occured , it was very much interactive, even though the customer couldn't touch, the dancers did all that and more.

Decent men who respect women and love their wives, don't go to lap dancing bars, the men who do go are inadequate and pathetic, borne out by the men my husband has known who frequent these places, sad indiviiduals the lot of them, all now divorced interestingly enough Wink.

jesuswhatnext · 28/06/2011 16:13

actually, i find the thought of naked male waiters pretty degrading!

BulletWithAName · 28/06/2011 16:16

My DP's uncle used to be a stripper, and he has had women trying to practically molest him when he performed. But because it's 'all a larf' on a girl's night out, it's different right Hmm

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 16:18

no, that's tacky too

Threaders · 28/06/2011 16:21

No, I just think some people don't want to see any point other than their own

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 28/06/2011 16:25

No, I just think some people don't want to see any point other than their own

Agreed.

dittany · 28/06/2011 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 16:32

' Thoughtless' and 'Stupid' - Threaders wrote 'I would never choose to go to one off my own back, I've just gone with the crowd when I've been out on a stag do or whatever'.

OOOOOO they made me go to the club with naked ladies......I didn't want to go but they all went.....I didn't choose to go....they made me......had to show them I was a heterosexual man......

As ever Dittany....thanks. Will any of the men give a real answer to why they want to be able to go to a club and be able to pay a women to take her underwear off and gyrate in a sexual manner in front of them, possibly touching them?

RobF · 28/06/2011 16:36

"As ever Dittany....thanks. Will any of the men give a real answer to why they want to be able to go to a club and be able to pay a women to take her underwear off and gyrate in a sexual manner in front of them, possibly touching them?"
Because it's enjoyable? Why on earth do you think they do it?

Threaders · 28/06/2011 16:36

But that's where you are wrong - I'm offering the opinion of someone who has actually been to one of these establishments, which is more than I can say for 99% of the posters on this topic.

I'm trying to dispel a few myths surrounding this subject, myths which many of you seem to have bought into without actually knowing for certain.

niceguy2 · 28/06/2011 16:37

Probably the same reason as why women pay money to see male strippers really.

And I do see other points of view. Like I said earlier, it's personally not for me but I don't see the problem with a woman deciding to work in a reputable and law abiding club of her own free will and both man & woman don't do anything the other doesn't want to.

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 16:37

Thanks for answering the question RobF. Now why is it enjoyable?

Threaders · 28/06/2011 16:39

LA - see, you assume my decision to follow on with the crowd was borne from a weakness in my character? Haha, you couldn't be more wrong. I don't have a problem with lapdancing bars because I see them for what they are - harmless fun, a business. I choose not to pay for dances because I see it as a waste of money and it wouldn't really do anything for me.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 16:40

NG...if you will, go back to the point of this thread

you may see nothing wrong in a business transaction of which you describe. I cannot agree with you, but there we go

but do you think it wrong for a man (or woman) to use family money to have a sexual encounter (or encounters) behind their partners back, when said partner has been clear they are not happy about it ?

or is that ok, too ?

simple yes or no will suffice

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 16:40

'Free will' Guy2 - Is there not a problem with 'choosing' to work in such a place? The decision making process that led her there?

RobF · 28/06/2011 16:40

"Thanks for answering the question RobF. Now why is it enjoyable?"
Because men are programmed to find attractive young women writhing on their lap enjoyable?

Threaders · 28/06/2011 16:44

AF - I'd like to answer you if I may?

No, that is not acceptable. Absolutely not. But that is not the point that is being argued here anymore is it

niceguy2 · 28/06/2011 16:48

AF, using your hypothetical question, the fundamental problem is not the money but the fact my partner has expressed their desire they are not happy about it.

Like I said right back at the beginning, if the problem was money then that's different. That's no different in my mind than if OP was skint and her husband blew 100 quid on computer games.

But like I also said earlier, I strongly suspect there would be a massively different thread if OP had posted she'd been to see some male strippers and her husband was upset. Somehow I don't think she'd be accused of exploiting men or that therefore she must be unattractive.

Do you agree? Simple yes or no will suffice.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 16:48

No, it isn't threaders

but I feel all these arguments fail to address what I see as the crux of the problem

people utilising the services of sex workers against their partner's wishes, often lying about it and using inane justifications to rationalise it (like OP's husband) is what bothers me the most

however, my social and political objections to the sex industry are in the mix there too, I find it impossible to separate them

if my husband were to indulge himself in such selfish behaviour he would have several issues to answer with me

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 16:50

sorry, pressed post too soon

and threaders, your argument appears to be simply "it is legal, so why not ?"

it is just not a good enough argument

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 16:51

NG, since you did not oblige me with a simple yes or no answer, then I shall pass on your request, thanks

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 16:52

"Thanks for answering the question RobF. Now why is it enjoyable?"
Because men are programmed to find attractive young women writhing on their lap enjoyable?

Even when they know the only reason the women is doing it is because you have paid her? That it is all a sham? That the women probably is indifferent at best? That said man is really a punter paying for sexual services?
Threaders - 'LA - see, you assume my decision to follow on with the crowd was borne from a weakness in my character? Haha, you couldn't be more wrong. I don't have a problem with lapdancing bars because I see them for what they are - harmless fun, a business. I choose not to pay for dances because I see it as a waste of money and it wouldn't really do anything for me.'

Now I can probably add 'deceitful' to the list - my own point of view. Psychologically having a hoot here today.......

smallwhitecat · 28/06/2011 16:59

This reply has been deleted

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