DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

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DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

House!

"So blokes who go to lap dancing clubs are pissheads, easily led, sad, gulliable, judgemental and either stupid, misinformed or mysogynists? Thank goodness there are plenty of men who don't go to them then."

Well let's see then:
pissheads - not sure, most will have been drinking though
easily led - some, men usually go to these places in crowds
sad - no, why sad?
gullable - most definitely, why else would you spend that amount of money on a dance?
stupid - possibly if they spend a fortune, but otherwise no
judgemental - no, why?
misinformed - I don't think so, misinformed about what?
mysogynists - some perhaps, but that's a bit presumptive

Yes, there are plenty of men who don't go to them. Not all men who go to them are the things you described, and the converse is true too. I would never choose to go to one off my own back, I've just gone with the crowd when I've been out on a stag do or whatever because I don't disagree with what goes on in there, though I never ever have a private dance because I think it's a rip-off and totally pointless.

What pisses me off more than anything is when you jump into an immediate character assasination of someone you don't know simply because they did something that you personally don't agree with. You assume all those things of any man who has ever stepped foot in a tabledancing bar. Why? It's not illegal is it? Nope, and it never has been either from what I can gather. It's a business transaction between 2 consenting adults - a legal one.

Just climb down off your high horse for a moment and consider that.

Ahem - Threaders it was your list originally. May be I should add 'thoughtless' too? Any action is easy to carry out when there is a group responsibility. Why do you want to be able to go to such a place?

Fucking hell I think it's the MEN who are being exploited

Bingo !!

Flipping eck, this thread still going?

Threaders, dont bother trying to put an alternative view across using logic, you will just get shouted down.

There's a proverbial elephant in the room here. Personally I believe it's less about concern over exploitation of their fellow woman than rather secretly they're shitting themselves that their husband might get a lapdance from an attractive woman and think "She's way more attractive than my wife....."

LA - I'm not sure why it's thoughtless either? In the OP's situation, yes it was thoughtless of her DH to go if he knew it would upset her. Other than that, how so?
I honestly, genuinely don't see what is wrong with a man/woman going to a licensed premises, and sitting down whilst looking at an attractive woman/man dancing around with no clothes on. Please, someone explain to me how that is wrong? It's legal, the women choose to work there and often in the more popular clubs they make a very good living out of it (although I do accept that there are some more dodgy clubs that pay less and don't adhere to the usual rules) and the men are parting with their cash of their own free-will. How, please, is that wrong?

Ok, I'm assuming you don't easily accept the fact that some women are happy to take their clothes off for money, but that doesn't mean that those that work there or go there as paying customers are any lower down on the moral scale than you are, they simply see things differently.

You ask why do people want to be able to go to such places - well like I said, it's not what I would choose to do at the end of the night, but if those I'm with decide they fancy it and I don't really want to finish the night at that point, then I'll go along, don't really see why not.

I'm not here to pick a fight, or argue for the sake of it, I'm just trying to pour a bit of reality back onto this thread.

NG2 - I think you are probably right. Which is a shame, because it's a bit ridiculous really. I know my OH quite fancies one of the PT's at her gym. Doesn't mean I stop her from going to the gym, even though he wears little resembling clothing whilst he "works"......

Sexually excited at the thought of seeing parts of women who would never dream of showing them to you if you didn't have a £20 note in one hand and your cock in another. It's pathetic.

That's what I find so sad about it. Sad as in pathetic, not sad as in upset.

Dittany - have you actually read back what you've written? You describe the fact that a woman takes the mans cash, and yet it's the woman who is being used? Also, a sex-toy? How's that - it's a no-touching dance as far as I'm aware. I'm fairly certain you've never been to one of these places, otherwise you wouldn't be writing the things you are writing.

Oh, and as for being "entitled to pay to do that", well the last time I looked, these clubs are licensed to sell alcohol, and employed women who were happy to take their clothes off if a man (or woman) was willing to pay them to do so.

Threaders,

You are right about one thing, then men who go to lap dancing clubs are gullible.Particularly the ones who are mug enough to pauy for a private dance.

The women (probably) don't fancy the men they dance for, but I guess some occasionally do. A lot maybe do love their job, perhaps even find it a thrill. Some of them ARE prostitutes, though I guess that's the minority.

The point of this thread though is about MARRIED men paying for dances in secret. Ok maybe there was no touching, but is it still acceptable? There is some intent there. Why else would a man pay for a woman who isn't his partner to dance naked or half naked in front of him if its not for sexual kicks??

There is no male comparison for the lap dancer. You cannot compare a dance troupe like the CHippendales!

How many men would be absolutely fine with their wife/gf paying to have a naked man dance naked and knowing she was turned on. A man younger and with a better body maybe? Ooh loads I guess.

Groups of men don't go to dance clubs for a piss up and laugh, they go for a sexual kick. Not that I disagree(if they are single) but why dress it up?

Well Dittany, you could apply that sort of thought process to any job. I have had incidents where i've thought to myself "Man, you are an obnoxious tosspot whom if i met on a Friday night, you'd be getting a punch in the mouth round about now" but have had to bite my tongue & grin and bear it because hey...it's my job.

The funny thing is is how you are resorting to accusations that because I am not slagging off lapdancing bars that automatically I must therefore be unattractive and a failure with the ladies.

In actual fact I'm not even that bothered about them and only been in a couple of times on special occasions like a stag do. Given the choice of a coffee at Starbucks and a night at a lapdancing bar, I'd go for the grande frappachino. But I'm just not so closed minded as to think that everyone who goes must be a pervert, nor so threatened by them that I have to hide behind the veneer of exploitation to justify my position.

Love the use of the word "pathetic". I think when my daughter gets to the poster-on-the-bedroom-wall age, I'll be sure to remind her it's pathetic to look at someone who will never reciprocate the fantasy.

Ditanny - I've never paid for a lapdance, so you'll have to direct that elsewhere.

Carmanelectra - thank you for your well-worded opinion. Let me ask you this:
My OH went on a hen do a couple of weeks ago, on one of the nights the party (staying in a rented cottage) had a cocktail night and had hired 2 naked waiters (men of course). Said waiters spent the evening entirely naked apart from an apron covering the obvious. Both had good bodies (I've seen the pictures), everyone had a laugh, no-one was hurt, no-one slept with them, all above board and legal and business.

How is that any different? How are those women (all very respectable, law-abiding hard working women) any different from the men who might go to a stripclub? How are the naked waiters themselves any different from the girls who work at Stringfellows?

Dittanny - no man wanks over a woman in a lapdancing club. I think that would be frowned upon.

The difference is Threaders that their husbands won't look at the blokes and think "Hmm, he's way more attractive than my wife....."

Yes I've had one, off an ex-girlfriend in my own living room. Why?

Actually Dittany, have you ever been in a lapdancing bar?

My OH went on a hen do a couple of weeks ago, on one of the nights the party (staying in a rented cottage) had a cocktail night and had hired 2 naked waiters (men of course). Said waiters spent the evening entirely naked apart from an apron covering the obvious. Both had good bodies (I've seen the pictures), everyone had a laugh, no-one was hurt, no-one slept with them, all above board and legal and business. Ugh, I'd find that highly uncomfortable tbh. I wouldn't go to a chippendales night or whatever either because I don't particularly want to look at some random blokes member or have it thrust in front of my face. I'd die of embarrassment!

Said waiters spent the evening entirely naked apart from an apron covering the obvious.

threaders, you do realise then that said waiters were not in fact, naked at all