DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

[bail]

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

Sm2k all you have argued there is that men should have the right to buy womens bodies for wank material because they are VISUAL creatures, see? And that's what's most important here isn't it?

going to a spa for a day

That made my morning!

"Hmm let's see now I'll have a mani-pedi first then may be a massage followed by a tall man with dark eyes waving his willy in my face, then a light lunch I think. Trust me if spas were like that there would be a lot less vouchers bought from them for mothers day.

No on has said spending money on small indulgence is bad. Just don't exploit women in the process

Rob, just to clarify,- am absolutely not a man hating feminist! I sometimes watch porn with my DP. I appreciate he finds other women sexy and attractive.

Sm2k. Wow! Lol. I totally get how men are often turned on visually more than women. How visual does it have to be though. A real life woman, who isn't your wife or gf putting on a sex show?

I would be too bothered if my DP went to a lap dancing club as a one off or for a laugh- although I'm not sure men ever do it for a 'laugh' as women do. I have seen strippers before and it was more of a piss up and a bit of a scream. Not sexual at all. Doubt I'd waste money on it again.

If my Dp paid for a private dance I'd be mighty pissed off.3 dances well I don't even know how I'd react. I'd be really upset that having known me so long, he wouldn't relaise he's crossed a massive boundary. Or that he would EVEN want to.

Not sure I'd leave after one incident,but it would change things and I'd absolutely be asking the set of questions that dittany posted. I'd want details.

This bloke must have been turned on to do it 3 times.

Also, I don't buy into this stag weekend shit and that men keep all sorts of secrets! Don't get married if you want one last night of freedom with the lads! Jesus. Stay single and you can throw your cash at all the pretty girls you like. Not sure why the OP posted. Guess upset at first, but now feels a mug and is back tracking.

carmen, there is absolutely no need for you to dilute your message by prefacing whatever you say with "I am not a man-hating feminist but ...."

don't fall into that trap

hi speedy, sleep well ?

Nah, anyfucker, I'm not diluting my comments :)

Just makes me annoyed when idiotic blokes think women are bitter, men haters just cos they won't take any shit! Its quite bizarre. So to prove yourself that you like men, you have to allow any innappropriate behaviour maybe?

Yes, it annoys me too

which is why I don't excuse my hardline comments by prefacing with "I don't hate men"

they will think what they like, despite what I say (if they hate women)

so what is the point ?

...and it makes you look appeasing

that is my opinion of course, you can say what you like

I agree.

I was kind of being sarky though, AF.

I don't think these men hate women, just women who challenge them. They are quite happy doing innapropriate things with other women and justify it as harmless fun, but get narked when those of us with some bottle tell em its cheating.

"Let's not fetishise sexual exploitation."

I really enjoyed this sentence. Tee, and indeed, hee.

true, carmen, very true

some men hate women that challenge their sexist and selfish ideas

some of them are really quite thick too, so the sarcasm goes pfffft right over their silly little heads

God how depressing, the same idiot men making the same lame old excuses, do they actually believe that all men are like themselves or are they just blinkered? I suppose that monkey sees as monkey does.
I was rather hoping they'd have disappeared while I've been away.
Urgh.

where ya been, mal ?

somewhere nice ?

China - utterly amazing.
No internet or TV for a fortnight .
The young women there don't take any crap either, it was quite amusing to see them dragging their adoring lapdogs boyfriends around, they were always several paces behind, carrying the girls' handbags/'shopping/tiny dogs whilst the girls were glued to their phones, only stopping to bark instructions back at the young men .
The modernisation of China is astounding, they no longer have the rigid one child policy and their transport infrastructure puts ours to absolute shame.
I don't think I'll ever eat rice again though, I'm sick of the stuff.

Funny that sm2k & those men that share his opinion seem to have completely missed the posts by men on this thread who don't share his pov. Only seems to have read the 'man- hating feminist' posts - maybe he finds those more exciting. He must be submissive at heart

wow, mal

sounds fantastic !

JUst caught up with this thread- hilarious! Seriously- I cannot believe having a vagina rubbed on your face has been likened to a day at a spa!!!

Some extreme opinions on this thread aren't there..... I'm wondering whether some posters are forgetting that the women who work in lapdancing clubs do so of their own free will? And I love the way it's gone from "3 dances" to "3 wanks" - I'm fairly sure you'd be shown the exit head first if you got your dick out in a strip club, especially one in Mayfair.

hmm! could be a new treatment clara!

oh right!! he went there for the 'art'! not to get his rocks off Threaders!

Ah see another ridiculous response - who knows his motives for going. I suspect, being as I've been to plenty of these establishments in my time, that he went for the following reasons:

1. He was pissed
2. His mates wanted to go so he followed
3. He wanted to look at attractive women with attractive bodies
4. He wanted to indulge in the fantasy that these women were paying him attention because they actually fancied him and wanted to fuck him

The reality is us blokes know for a fact it's just a job, that these women don't want to fuck us and just want our money, and that's all cool. We sit there, we give them £5/£10/£25, they wiggle their arse and tits at us, we get up and go back to the bar to get fleeced again. The only blokes that actually believe the girl wants them, are the ones that go home with black eyes and bits of teeth missing.

Jesus Christ get some reality - they're not prostitutes, they're not in a chain-gang, they are relieving gullable men of their money by doing very little indeed for 3-4 minutes at a time.

I'm not a sleazeball - I've maybe been to a lapdancing club on 10-15 occasions in my life. I've never touched, never kissed, certainly never wanked, and pretty much always been pissed off the next day when I realised I just spent a wedge for some random girl to dance in front of me with her clothes off. Fucking hell I think it's the MEN who are being exploited

Now then if all the answers to the OP were revolving around the disrespect shown to the family bank account, I'd have taken all of this mor seriously. But the minute posters start crying "female exploitation" well it all goes to shit, especially the ones who claim to actually be laid back because they watch porn with their DH's..... clearly don't know much about the drug and physical abuse that goes on in the porn industry then eh? Oh but that's ok, because it's only on the TV.

So blokes who go to lap dancing clubs are pissheads, easily led, sad, gulliable, judgemental and either stupid, misinformed or mysogynists? Thank goodness there are plenty of men who don't go to them then.