DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

[bail]

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

When our DC misbehave, we temporarily withdraw privileges and/or cancel treats to remind them that undesirable behaviour has undesirable consequences. Sometimes this means that we miss out on pleasant activities too, but we follow through because it is in their best interests, not because we want to cut off our noses to spite our faces.The OP's husband has had his repellent behaviour rewarded with an idyllic family picnic on Primrose Hill.

I wouldn't break up my marriage over an incident this but I'd be damned if I "serviced" him domestically in any shape manner or form for the foreseeable. If he feels he can pay for his jollies elsewhere then he can pay for takeaways and a laundry service until I decided to forgive him. Fuck frolicing on Primrose Hill - you can do that with your mates.

tadpoles, you can keep your respect for the men like this who treat women like shit

I don't need it

Maybe the OP has realised/been reminded what her bank account might look like if she split up with him?
At least she seems to have remembered her place now.

tadpoles: "And going to a strip club is not 'cheating' despite what some have said." No, you got your facts wrong. We said that cavorting with a naked woman is cheating. Which it obviously is!

AF, no need for an apology, matey! I thought it was rather funny

it's started raining (and cooled down) so I have my head on straight now

oh no !

I mentioned head on a lapdancing thread !

< flagellates self >

I've just done a Dick Dastardly wheeze laugh at that!

Aaaaarggggghhhh! I said 'dick'!

See? SEE? RobF was right! EVERYTHING is sexual!

you said Dick !!

< pisses self >

I had an Uncle Dick

he really was one

perhaps that was what RobF meant

we have misunderstood him

Poor Rob (and I don't mean financially poor, in case anyone needs clarification ). I miss him. He really made me laugh.

Oh well.

If Rob is really poor, he could supplement his drug habit income by selling his arsehole, couldn't he ?

'cos there's nothing wrong nor exploitative about it, oh no sirree

it's just a business transaction, yes ?

his arsehole is the commodity, and anyone with the money to buy access to do whatever they like with it, should be able to do so without judgement

see ?

I am coming round to our Rob's way of thinking

I am wetting myself laughing! Wasn't he the one who said something about how any woman should "have the right" to rub her tits up against a lech for money?

ROFL!

he has said all sorts of bollocks

but never once has he said he would be willing to sell his own arsehole

funny, that

I expect he will be here in a minute

if he hasn't disappeared up said arsehole already

AnyFucker, you are a bad influence. Until you started talking to me on this thread I was the nice one and you were the effing biyatch. Now look how far you've dragged me down. Selling arseholes indeed. Tsk.

I refuse to insult Rob anymore, he is a fine upstanding member of the MN community with a lot to offer. A lot of what; now that is the question.

me ?

I'm sweetness and light, I am

look at me, skipping around this thread, with pigtails, and candyfloss and all that shit cute ikkle puppies

go to bed, speedy, don't you have to be up in the morning ?

you can dream about Rob, and what a fine example of a modern man he really is...

Right, male perspective here, waiting to be showered with abuse. Can't bear to read 12 pages of such one-sided replies (there may already be ones like mine in there I guess), so here's my own view.

1. Doesn't sound like you have previously told him that this sort of thing really offends you. Perhaps he is insensitive, but he's not telepathic.
2. No, he didn't say 'it's a stag night do you mind if I...' etc. But if a bunch of guys suggest something, you've had a couple of drinks, it is frankly not that easy to say no. 3 dances? Perhaps too much, but really it is not a hanging offence. I am sure you have never done anything even slightly rash when drunk......
3. You can discuss the exploitation issues until the cows come home, but that doesn't sound like what you're concerned about; you are horrified that he can look lustfully at another woman. Most men are perfectly capable of distinguishing between a woman they love and wish to spend their life with, and a provocative display they have paid for (legally, let's remember) and enjoy for the time it lasts. I doubt somehow that he has ideas about setting up home with any of the dancers.
4. If you disagree with the perceived exploitation aspect, well it is not nice but it is hardly unique in our world. Let's not fetishise sexual exploitation. Let him who has no sin cast the first stone etc. Does nothing you buy on a daily basis involve exploitation of people, be they women, men or children? I am thinking cheap clothes made by children who should be in school, electronics made in factories with forced overtime and high suicide rates etc etc.
5. Men are extremely visual when it comes to arousal - would you ever read an erotic novel, for example? Perhaps the thoughts associated with that could be considered 'cheating' just as much as this is.
6. When you say expensive, what does the cost mean to you? This is a legitimate complaint if you have to budget to pay for the basics, but not if you would consider shopping in luxury shops, buying clothes for a particular season, going to a spa for a day.
7. Lastly, maybe what he enjoyed was just the uncomplicated nature of it all. Pay money, receive dance. That's a whole lot simpler than the complex day-to-day transactions of a relationship, perhaps he just enjoyed this straightforward aspect of it and this led him to pay for a second and third. I am sure that some of you will consider that the worst sin of all (lack of respect etc etc) but don't we all want something selfishly simple at times?

Sorry for such a long post but I can't stand to see someone pilloried without anyone to stand up for them.

sm, no abuse from me (am frankly bored of it, tbh)

but I would like to congratulate you on making the MN post that contains the most mindless cliches ever

< pins medal on sm >

< claps in a ladylike fashion >

no need to thank me, I am providing this as a service to the ladeez of MN

now if you'd like to hurry up and make a speech where you spout a load of shite and bore the arse off us all, please hurry up because we don't have all night

oh, hang on...you already did

oops

Thanks AF. For a first poster I am truly proud to have received such a medal. Of course, some cliches do contain a grain of truth, and I am sure you've never used one in your life ;-)

Which do you disagree with in particular? Are you without sin, have never done anything rash, etc etc?

nope, can't be bovved

Ah yes, the fourth sin

Misuse of the apostrophe

Oh yes, I am guilty as charged M'lud

take me down now

Oh, AnyFucker, I was joking!!!