So, had date on Sunday, another one this Friday - what do you think of this?

[shineoncrazydiam0nd]

Had warm ish date with man on Sunday evening and we have arranged to go for dinner etc this Friday and ..well, see how the night goes I suppose!

I already know him in that I went out with him for six month when I was 14 and he was 17 - we are now 39 and 42 respectively and our paths have crossed again so just seeing how things go really. I have only seen him once or twice over the past 25 years and not at all for the past decade or so.

So, we go out for a drink on Sunday. He is not some jack the lad, he is the UK's top person in his specific field, very intelligent man. I get in his car and he has a can of beer on the go. I make some comment and he says that he always has a can of beer when driving along. I'm not sure what to think about that! Obviously you'd have some questions to answer if the coppers pulled you over etc but WHO has to have a beer when driving? An alcoholic? An 18 year old lad trying to impress? Is this NORMAL behaviour? I suppose I wondered what was the urgency..

We then drive off to the pub. He drove at 95miles PH along the road - a 50 zone. I swear to God I nearly wet myself. We were taking corners at literally breakneck speed. I told him to slow down - he did so by about 3 mph! He was laughing and incredulous that I was so scared - ' but this is a top of the range BMW! The brakes are incredible and there's about 7 air bags on your side alone ... '

So... is he a twat? Tell me straight. my radar is not good really at the best of times when it comes to men. He is lovely, btw.

So you're now saying you have no self esteem issues!!!. There's no helping some people and denial is truly a powerful force.

I would actually argue you have had issues with self worth for years; dating a succession of losers will damage anyone's self esteem and worth because that is all you ultimately think you deserve.

Here's another thought - what you have done to date has not worked out so perhaps you need to change your way of thinking and approaching relationships altogether. Having a shag every now and then is not going to make you feel better on the inside, you're still empty.

So where will you be in 5-10 years time; still the same commitment phobic person with a wonky relationship radar that you are now?. You sell yourself way short.

If it was on a country road, that's even worse. I'd assumed major road/dual carriageway. What if there had been someone walking or cycling on the road? WTF was he thinking? .

Can I just say, I knew Mr. Twat would be driving a BMW.

Do you think he may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder then? Is there a book we can read about that?

He was probably thinking it won't happen to me if he even thought what he was doing was stupid and wrong. Which I doubt.

"So the bloke is a nobber while driving, but otherwise reasonable company"
Really - I guess you did not read the earlier descriptions of him describe by Shine!!.

Shine's radar is well off if she is now considering dinner with this bloke. I sincerely hope she reconsiders. She is going to look very sad in five years time if she continues to behave as she does now with regards to men - they will regard her as a sad joke.

Calm down Atilla! Projection much?

No. Not projecting but these types of situations rarely if ever end well.

If shiney does not want to address exactly why she is commitment phobic then that is up to her but she is still selling herself way short by behaving as she does.

There's no way Clarkson is only 42. Is it the short one with funny hair?

Attila - you are making some crazy assumptions about me and you are so, so, so wrong. I am now worried about YOU and your cod psychology

Atila, you are being very presumptuous to offer advice that is not wanted or needed. Has it ever occured to you that somebody can bimble along quite happily with a nice life which does not include a longterm partner? Perhaps Shiney doesn't want a smelly man cluttering up her house full-time, perhaps she is quite happy to be single, perhaps she can shag who she feels like on a Friday night without reference to you or anyone else?

Just a thought.

Show me how I am wrong exactly. What have I written that is so wrong here re you?. You yourself admit you get bored easily and mess relationships up. I only would like you to ask yourself why that exactly is?.

I think you need to re-read your posts, and shiney's and then you can maybe realise that you are being far from helpful.

This is Relationships not AIBU, and furthermore, I was unaware that posters were required to take advice here, must have missed that memo.

Still, I wonder whether you have another agenda...?

Hey, I have no desire right now for a relationship. No biological clock ticking as i have two lovely children and I dont need a man for financial security either. So... ummm... I live a life full of seeing my friends/sorting kids/working etc and casually date.

And for doing that i appear to have a sad life. Umm, OK.

Oh, and I know Shiney well in real life and she is a perfectly normal person with her shit together as far as I can see.

Although I am now half-expecting a rant that she should start cutting toxic enablers out of her life or something...

BofF

I can see OP is your friend so you would anyway defend her to the hilt. All I am asking is if OPs relationship radar is wonky to start with as she herself admits, then why continue to go down that same well worn path?.

Haven't read the whole thread, just the first few pages-worth:

"he is the UK's top person in his specific field"
He is therefore proof positive to the old adage that those who are gifted in one way will generally be found to be lacking in another. Or as my sister used to say, "all brains and no common sense".

I'd never get into his car again. And I'd avoid, avoid, avoid. His inability to see what could happen is scary. And really - has to have a beer when driving ?

Oh Shiney - why bother with him , when you have us.

With and rabbit and a virtual relationship with MN, you need never feel lonely again

I would be at the drinking in the car,in fact I wouldn't of got in the car.

A young girl in our area was tragically killed by a twat driving at 80mph,he was also over the limit.

It's your call though shiney but I wouldn't be having that second date.There are plenty more fish who don't drive like twats whilst guzzling alcohol and all that.

he has a drink problem

stay away drink will always come first even before safety of others and himself

Personally I think that if he behaves like that when he drives, he will also be show-offy, irresponsible, believe he is above risk and danger and better than everyone else in other areas of his life, too. So I would quickly tire of him whether or not I actually got in a car with him again. It sounds like stoooopid over-macho driving, and surely only a stooopid macho twat could drive like that? Macho crap is a major turn-off for me.

Shine, read first page and just skipped to the last. And I'm not scrolling back for the Attila stuff either.

I'm putting my neck out here - although I DO think Attila is wrong and possibly projecting on several accounts (SORRY ATTILA!) I do think that some of it might be right? The essential assertion by her that he is a nob is certainly true, surely?

Why are you even asking us these questions? You can't be serious? Come on m'dear - he's drinking a can of beer? Imagine you have a daughter who is at the age when YOU first met him. So she comes home and tells you what her new b/f did with driving and drinking on her date with him? Girl, you would SHIT yourself!!!! Is he trying to impress you? If not, then why would he do this?

Imagine the poor sods who have to drive round the corner and find him coming towards them at top speed. I'm sure they're reassured by the fact that he has a lovely car with spanky brakes on it?

WHO CARES that he's top of his field? So is Sir Fred Goodwin. So is Gaddafi. Both men who are capable of MASSIVE misjudgements. (OK, I may have blown my argument out of the water there. Fair point )

But really. You KNOW we're right. Who gives a FUCK about how clever and well paid and ladadadada... he is? He didn't care enough about your safety. End of, non?

Please. Make the right call here. He's a twat.

IMHO, natch!

The most important point here I believe is that this was a first date. Therefore both parties should be making a real effort. I am sure the OP had a shower, washed her hair, wore a great outfit, spent some time on make-up etc. etc.

For the man to turn up drinking out of a beer can is completely unacceptable. Surely you wouldn't turn up for a job interview doing this? Remember this is him presenting himself (in his eyes) in his best light to a potential girlfriend/lover/wife/one-stand stand. Obviously he totally failed.

Remember the first date (behaviour-wise) is supposedly as good as it gets. I don't want to imagine how he'd be once you are more 'comfortable' with each other.

However, if the OP just wants a bit of sex with him for a while then so long as she accepts he's an absolute twat then that's her business.

Oh I'm sort of torn on this one.

I think people are making a lot of leaps here. And I do think Attila is prone to quite bold sweeping statements on this front.

At the same time, Shiney, he sounds a right nobber and you did sound a wee bit interested in him.

I'd say don't bother with him anymore but ignore all the generalisations.

Ok I'm guessing that you're giving this bloke so much leeway because he's an ex and you've been friends for a while. It's not like it was a first date with someone new. And as such you kind of don't want to walk away the way you would with an almost stranger.
But all those things about his driving are bad, but you know that right?
To me you sound fairly clued up about your life and self esteem. Go on another date but don't get in his bloody car!!!! In fact I reckon if you shag him he'll be so awful that you'll find it easy to bin him.