I am a regular who has name changed.
I will call my partner S.
I have been with S for almost 6yrs. We have 2 children, 1 is mine from a previous relationship and 1 is ours together. S is great with DS1 but not so great with DS2. He is still a toddler and very much a mummys boy, So really S could be good with him when DS2 stops being so.
At the end of January this year S and I had a big row it started over me asking a question and him replying in such a way that I was devastated. I don't want to repeat what he said but lets say it hurt me deeply and has in my eyes all but killed us. I have continued plodding along beside him in the home making all ok for the childrens sake. We have no relationship.
Last night we had sex for the first time in 5m and afterwards I felt awful to the point I got up - it was nothing he had done he was his usual attentative (sp) self, it was just me.
Saturday last week I was going to a club with my friend and he didn't want me to go to this particular club, we had a bit of a row and he said "I hope you get raped tonight", as he said it he immediatly apologised because he realised what he had said and that he had touched a subject below the belt for me as I was once raped.
We are not arguing all the time as we hardly have anything to say to eachother. We have become so distant from one another.
HOWEVER and this is where I have the problem not him.
At the end of 2010 I met someone, I will call him A, while out, just a friend and we shared many laughs, we ended up sharing a kiss just a week before I had the row with S. S did not and still doesn't know about this as it was a mistake at the time and we both regretted it immensly.
However here we are 6m on. A and I see eachother every week and we have fallen for eachother, He is a lot older than me and has children. He has been single for 6yrs. We have been talking a lot about things and he has urged me to work on the relationship in the past. Last week we sat at the bottom of where I live talking into the small hours about all sorts of things.
I am going away this month with a female friend for a couple of nights, he and I would both like for him to join us. But he said "I would love to wake up with you but it would not be fair to either of us as I would have to go back to work and we wouldn't see eachother the next night, which we would both want" - So he is being sensible about things.
There has been a big problem within his sons lives which has meant he is now staying with them and will have to continue to do so.
We spoke today on the phone for 45 minutes and he is coming back to the area this weekend when we see eachother so that he can see me as in his words he misses me.
When I got off the phone from him I sat and cried because I realised just how much he means to me. Bear in mind we have shared a few kisses but thats it, nothing more. But we just rub along together so well, we are so similar in so many ways. except the obvious he is male and I am female.
I know you are all going to tell me to work on what I have but with what has been said I am finding it very hard. I don't know if A and I have a future or whether it is the excitement of the flirting, and the few kisses but I know in my heart of hearts I do love him in a way a woman in a relationship should not love another man.
So now I am meeting him this week, nothing will change that. S knows I am going to where A is working and that A will bring me home as usual - which is the truth, he never asks anything else and I never tell him anything else.
Do I front it and tell A how I feel or do I ignore it and just enjoy our nights out, which are not always just the 2 of us there are 8 friends we all go out with within a group.
Because at my age I know the difference between a crush and love.