The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Head To The Summer Of Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse

Welcome aboard The Brave Babe's Battle Bus. There are a whole host of lovely posters here who will support your journey to sobriety, however you choose to get there.

We are a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers and those who are somewhere in between.

BUT - we will never judge or leave a poster out in the cold. So, find a seat and settle down for the journey ahead.

And HERE is the last thread and those before it too. Just follow the links to read the journeys so far.

I got them too..but with teenagers on standy..lol

hi all - feel very as didn't mean to sound as if i was leaving this thread permanently. wild horses wouldn't get me off here, I need you all! Just that some of the relationship stuff with DH seems to sit well in the EA thread. He has only been home two evenings this week because of work and both evenings culminated in rows and then no-speaks. Said very camly this morning that I didn't want to spend the whole weekend arguing and he replied "So don't argue with me then!"
Am watching the clock here in work because I don't want to go home - what a saddo.

Not a saddo at all Ma - I've been there, that feeling of dread as I pull into my road. Could you arrange to do something on your own with friends/family?

My exe used to tell me I was abusing him if I argued back/defended myself..its like living in a hall of mirrors..

Ma, it's a sad situation but you're not. It must be awful for you to dread going home. Do your kids realise how unhappy you are? Would they understand if you left him? I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time.
DP just text me to ask if I was sure I didn't want him to get me some wine. I said yes, I was sure. I am for now. Taking it hour by hour.

Hello again! I've been pottering along doing just about ok. Life has gone a bit tits up over the past year, and although I'm not dependant on alcohol, I am pretty good at self-medicating with it! This morning I saw my gp (probably not such a good idea) who said I wouldn't get a referral for councelling if I was drinking. I am slightly baffled by this, as alcohol has never prevented me from doing what I was going to do, and I have not made concessions for it.

Everything came to a head this week when I saw my brother who is a suicidal alcoholic. My anxiety levels went through the roof as he had invited himself to our house for the night. He has often got guttered, started smashing things or getting in his car and driving off. He has been hospitalised through accidents he has had because of drinking. He is staying at my parents' holiday cottage, and re-arranging the garden, which we all know will dreadfully upset my parents. He won't stop despite warnings from friends and relations.

Enough about him. I have noticed that I drink far more than I want to drink when I hear yet more bad news about my family. I think it is an attempt to keep people away, and to make myself disappear. I recognise that I smoke to keep people away too. My mother has Alzheimers and my father, her carer, has personality problems. He drinks to forget, and is obsessed with my alcoholic brother's schizoprenic wife instead of looking after his own unwell wife.

Although I accept that these things are not my life, I find they affect me deeply, and at the moment I am not coping with it very well. When I was little, my brother died, and now it seems that I am losing another brother and my mother, and quite possibly my father.

Silentcatastrophe, you have a huge amount on your plate, anyone would find all that difficult to cope with. Must be very disheartening not to be referred for counselling, sounds as though your GP wasn't much help at all. I was told that there can be a genetic component to alcohol abuse. Not saying that's the case with you, but I certainly feel that my own family history of alcoholism is a big factor in my choosing to self medicate by drinking. It's also been instrumental in my decision to stop drinking. I'm all too aware of where it can lead. The fact that you recognise that you're drinking and smoking to keep people away is a good first step towards doing something about it, but do you think it might be worth pushing the GP to refer you for counselling to help you get to grips with the problems that are leading you to drink more than you want to in the first place?

I'm not sure that there is a genetic component although a lot of my father's family drink rather more than 14 units a week. His side of the family does have a tendency for suicide, so much so, that it's almost a joke that if you don't know what happened to someone, they probably killed themselves. I think the alcohol for most of them is a buffer from terrible things, and terrible things have happened to that family.

I have phoned the drugs and alcohol service and am getting an appointment with them in the next few weeks. Not sooner, because I am busy! I think the gp may have written me down as alcoholic although I said I talk about things with dh and he does not think I have a problem. I feel safe with him so perhaps it is less of an issue. I don't often feel safe, and it is something I am very aware of.

Well done Lucy for stopping drinking. A dear friend killed herself with a combination of alcohol and eating disorders. She ate peanuts, but the alcohol meant that she was eventually unable to digest food properly.
It is very hard turning round the ship of abuse and being unwanted to face the normal way, and a lot of good things have happened. I am having to learn fast that a rejection is not the end of the world. I could just do without rejecting myself through seemingly innocuous and legal substances.

Morning all.

The question of genetics is interesting. My Grandfather was an alcoholic, his children were tee total or light drinkers and then there's me. My siblings are light drinkers like the rest of my family. I was also lucky enough to get the gigantic feet on a small frame gene!

Day 8 and today I will not be drinking.

I hope you all have a lovely day.

Morning all...not alot to add today..my backs issues have flared up again..got arthritis /nerve damage in several discs and the pains incredible..flat out on horsepills.... silent you are showing huge strength and fortitude in your words.so honest and brave..

I believe in a genetic link but it's based purely on my family history. My grandmother on my mother's side was an alcoholic, my mother is a binge drinker and on my aunt on my father's side is an alcoholic who is in and out of rehab frequently and lost custody of her only child as a direct result of drinking.

www.examiner.com/substance-abuse-in-detroit/scientists-discover-genetic-link-to-alcoholism

and this.. heavy duty..but makes for interesting reading..
peele.net/lib/atlcgene.html

morning!

i have no idea if we are genetically disposed to alcoholism - all i do know is that while we debate it we also need to do something about it!

silent - i think your gp is talking crap! - just looking at your family history and all you are coping with i would say you need to talk to someone! whilst you may love him dearly, there is not much you can do about your brother, you can only really make changes to your own life and take it from there! - tbh, although you say you arnt dependent on alcohol, it does sound like you are!, self medicating with it is a very danergous path to tread (one many of us have done!)

are you planning on quitting before you get to see the drug and alcohol team?

I drank a bottle of wine last night

Had done 12 days fairly easily. Took my little niece to her school fete. Took her home. Went back to mine. Bought a bottle of wine and drank it for no particular reason.

The craving came on so strong and sudden it knocked me for six. No triggers that I can think of. But I am [shocked] at my behaviour tbh.

I didn't stop to think about it. Didn't even consider not drinking. In fact, I wanted more. I can't understand why I did that.

So, "heavy sigh" Day 1, today I will not be drinking.

fairenuff all i can say is that I have been there too, but bloody well done on the 12 days. You can do it again.
Was in a acar crash today - wrote the car off, bruised knees and very sore chest from seatbelt. DD1 and DS also shaken up and sore! Quite terrifying but we are all alive so that's the main thing!

I've been in therapy all my adult life until the past few years. The therapy stopped just when my mum was formally diagnosed (aged 65), when her memory was clearly a problem. My brother and his wife were beating each other up as well. Since then, things have got much, much worse on that front.

I have been in touch with the memory clinic about Mum and they have a clinical psychologist who would be able to help my other brother when he needs support. I don't live anywhere near the chaos, and it's terrifying when the chaos comes to me.

The aspect of self-medication is infrequent, so no, I'm not planning to stop drinking altogether at the moment, since the possibility of cutting down is still quite high.

I had not noticed before the anxiety that lead to drinking far too much until very recently, so I plan to write things down more, here or in a book of my own, if that's ok.

Well done for 12 days without a drink! How did it make you feel after a bottle of wine? Did you stop after one bottle, or long for more?

Above all, the guilt has got to stop. It is the guilt that is more of a killer than a drink sometimes.

How awful for you Dementedma. I'm glad you are physically ok. Car accidents are fucking horrible. Keep breathing!!

Ma thank you for your thoughts when you have had so much to deal with yourself. So sorry that you had an accident and I'm glad you and DCs are OK. You are right, of course, to appreciate the life we do have and the children we are blessed with.

Silent I felt crap after the bottle of wine. No hangover (it was only 11%) but the fact that I'd lost control. Still feel crap tbh. Yes I did want more and don't really know what I'm going to do about that except, maybe, getting support from all the lovely ladies (and MIFLAW) here.

Glad you're all safe Ma. How scary for you and the kids. Fairenuff, I never get hangovers anymore after just a bottle of wine. That in itself worries me. I would have definately be hankering after more drink too.

You have done 12 days, that in itself is quite an achievement behind you.
It is just day 6 for me but it's a Saturday night. Normally I'd have started drinking beer with DP at around 3pm and continued until about now. I feel ashamed and guilty about all the Saturday's I've wasted.

It is horrible looking back, isn't it? I have drunk sensibly over this weekend, which, for me is quite unusual. Normally I drink a bottle of wine on a Friday, and possibly one on a Saturday. On Friday I shared a tin of beer with Dh, and last night I had a tin and a half of beer. Last week, the anxiety concerning my brother was overwhelming, and this week, I am making a concerted effort to change my habits.

I think it is perfectly possible to binge on a Smartie. You are so right, Fairenuff about the loss of control. For me, I think the loss of control starts with external things, and it's less about the amount than about the feelings that go with it.

At the moment, I am becoming acutely aware that there are people in my life who are toxic to me, and that in my own interests, I need to be very wary of them. When we see my parents these days, we rarely spend a night, and I rarely drink at lunchtime. It helps a lot. Seeing them, none-the-less, can be pretty anxiety-inducing, so it would be good to be able to leave, and not feel the need to beat myself up about it.

Very quiet, hope all is ok.
Have been a bit too busy being confused about my first birthday without my mum that I have only just noticed it's my first sober birthday, and my 30th, not a bad combination methinks!
Love to all and hope you all had happy sober sunny Sundays.

Morning all,

just back from a swim, it was lovely. I was determined to start the holidays off as I mean to go on!

Noteven* Happy Birthday for yesterday, how great that it was a sober one. here's to many more like that, for you.

Ma You poor thing, thank goodness you are all ok. It sounds like it was quite a bad one. Are you ok today? The shock sometimes takes a day or so to come out. Sending you love. xxx

Righto, off to have my field mushroom on toast!!!!
Speak later xxxx

Morning Babes

noteven - Happy 30th!! Wow, I was certainly not sober for mine (many moons ago) so well done you on getting through a double whammy!! Hope you had a fanstatic time, knowing what you have achieved too.

thurso - so day one planned out? Shrooms on toast top trumps my grilled bacon toastie. Not very healthy Mouse! And a swim, wow, I so miss swimming.

Well, my lovely friend, her dawg and DS came to stay for the weekend and we all had a fantastic time. Drank a fair bit on Friday night and then managed to get food poisoning at the school fate (chicken tikka mayo wrap, not in the fridge) on Saturday so spent all of saturday night on the toilet and puking.

Not the best company for my lovely friend but DH did a great job juggling entertaining and a wide awake Nemo

Busy week this week, lots to do, lots to sort out, so I'm hoping for some nice sunny weather to brighten the days!

Hello Mousie ,

Sorry to hear that you got food poisoning, chicken is the worst for that.

I have just had my mushroom on toast, but, I would have much preferred a bacon sarnie .

I have got DC1's graduation next week, and if I can just shift a little bit of the lardy middle, I will feel better!

It is very hot and sunny here already, how about you?

"I need to "keep it simple" as AA would say I just don't know how - if you do then enlighten me."

Keep it simple means don't drink and go to meetings. Or, if you're not in AA, whatever you do instead of meetings (e.g. sharing on here.) Don't start complicating what "keep it simple" means, for goodness's sake! Put not drinking before EVERYTHING else and keep it that way, because everything else will sooner or later depend on not drinking anyway.

It also means "keep it in the day". Worry about tomorrow's shit tomorrow, don't worry about yesterday's shit at all and, if you must plan, then DON'T PLAN THE OUTCOMES! That means, for example, if you have a job interview, then do absolutely everything you can for it to go well; but realise that, the minute you leave the room, it's out of your hands and worrying about it will achieve precisely NOTHING.

Bear in mind, too, that simple does not always mean "easy" - these are big changes and you can expect to need to work at them, at least at first.

Remember - if I can do this, you can!