The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Head To The Summer Of Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse

Welcome aboard The Brave Babe's Battle Bus. There are a whole host of lovely posters here who will support your journey to sobriety, however you choose to get there.

We are a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers and those who are somewhere in between.

BUT - we will never judge or leave a poster out in the cold. So, find a seat and settle down for the journey ahead.

And HERE is the last thread and those before it too. Just follow the links to read the journeys so far.

I'll come back on board when i've kicked out of my current depression..insomnia's awful..throats sore from drinking so much in the last few weeks.. will not drink tonight... best wishes all..

Littleblue please don't feel you shouldn't be on here if your feeling low. This is a support thread wheather your feeling on top of the world or having a crap day/week/month/year

Thanks.. I just feel I have little constructive to add right now.. which is most unlike me.. gobby mare usually.. I am lurking..have decided to kick my own arse and paint again...avoiding the black paint of course..oh and the meths

A close friend of my swears by painting when she is feeling fed up/lonely. Does fell like your making a fresh start. THat reminds me I need to finish painting my fence

Littleblue this exactly the place you should be when your feeling down. When I feel most at risk I either go to a meeting or just re-read the thread. There's no obligation to comment although sometimes that's really helpful no only for you or other people on the thread. Please stay.

I don't know what to do with myself atm.. not been this bad in years..I could list the stress triggers..but its not very interesting reading..and at the end of the day its just an excuse eh.. I just treated myself to some fab colours.. (dont think my neighbours would agree so will stick with canvas lol)
I got wine.. and I will feel like shit for it.. but today i feel so bad it feels impossible..full of self disgust..wont get two tho.. thats how crap my self control is right now.. need help I think

I have done that before and not drunk it... its sat there for days..should pour it down the sink really

littleblue Ok you've bought wine, so now you've got some choices.

• you could just pour the whole lot away (call someone, speak to them on the phone while you open the bottle and while you pour it away, so you're not tempted to have any). I can almost guarantee that you will not even enjoy the smell of the wine as it goes doen the sink. Remember that horrid sour smell as it makes your face wrinkle up - it's not even a nice drink.

• (can't remember your domestic circumstances) if you've got someone adult in the house with you later, go and put the unopened bottle somewhere far away, a shed in the garden, in the garage. When the adult is in the house - tell them to get the wine and put it away (or to pour it away for you).

• if you really can't bear the waste (although you've spent the money so you've wasted it already), then call up a friend and give them a bottle of wine as a present, or give it to a neighbour, or donate it to the school raffle. Just get it away from you so it isn't tempting you.

You also have 2 other choices: you could keep the bottle where it is, and agaonise about will you / won't you. Personally I find that option prolonged and painful. Or you could open it and drink it.

Of those 5 options, 3 will leave you feeling stronger, better about what you've done, and without a hangover. Go on, get rid, and get out you paints, get in touch with the emotion you will really feel when you pour the wine away - is it anger, sadness, guilt, relief? Paint with all that emotion.

Welcome Littleblue and TTotal

I agree that for many of us EA and alcohol seem to go hand in hand. I've also heard of people having an 'addictive personality' and don't know if it's something you're born with or a kind of coping mechanism.

The reasons I've had a drink are : tired (pick me up), relaxing (calm me down), social (busy), bored (nothing to do), summers day (cool down), winters evening (warm up), with friends (fun) on my own (cheer up), happy, sad, angry . . I could go on.

The point is, whatever I feel, I've got a reason to drink and now I need to find something else instead.

Venus had a great suggestion of putting the emotion into something else, like painting, not only to keep hands and mind busy, but also to chanel that energy in a positive way.

Sorry to ramble, just going over a few things in my mind.

Afternoon

Littleblue, I know the feeling you're in now, but drinking the wine won't help. Take it from one that knows Unless you've started already, of course, in which case make sure you drink lots of water too (after you've poured what's left down the sink, if you can... )

I'm off to the smart recovery meeting in an hour. Erk. I have absolutely no idea what I'm walking into especially as it's held at the local drugs project Wish me luck! I'm hoping it won't confuse matters with aa too much. I think it's likely that I'll have to make a decision between the two at some stage but I'm not going to pushed into that. It's a bugger that it clashes with my aa home group (which I love) though, because of all the AA groups I go to my homegroup is the one I feel least resistant to.

Liitleblue if you haven't opened it yet, give a way. Make it a random act of kindness or something for a neighbour or friend whose been good to you in the past. Get out of the house, have a walk, I know it's a rubbish day weather wise, but just get some air and breath. Whatever you are feeling now is temporal, it will past.

You said you have crap self-control. The things is, this isn't about self control. If alcohol is an issue for you, it controls you and not the other way around. I cannot control my drinking, never could. The solution for me then is simply not to drink. It the first few days I did this by being really kind to myself, like I was a newborn. I slept and I ate well. I took it one day at a time, and still do so. And I continue to be kind to myself. Please be kind to yourself and make choices based on this.

I gave it to my 18 year old daughter... both that and the cider I had hidden , and confessed..finally that I have a problem.. cried all over her and she gave me a huge hug.. her and my 20 year old son have been concerned for some time..promised her if I can't fix it..i will get help .. she was lovely

Venus you really made me see...thank you.

Good for you Littleblue! That is brilliant. Life may not be smooth but it's so much easier without alcohol induced anxiety, depression, shame etc. I am really happy for you.

Thanks starmucks.. she said to me I should distract myself..I used to paint and create all the time..alcohol has gradually shut me down..

Alcohol was a massive distraction in my life. And it occupied so much of my time. It's great that you have a passion and a talent for painting. Maybe it's time to reopen that part of you. You'll rediscover and remember other things too that you used to enjoy doing before alcohol took over. This is the beginning.

Good for you littleblue, tears and real emotion are better than alcoholic oblivion, anxiety and despair.

Since I've not been drinking I've got back into one part of my work that I'd stopped doing, and I'm just loving it - I feel motivated and commited and strong. While I was drinking I felt unworthy and not good enough, and there was serious risk that I would fuck up.

littleblue, you have been so brave confessing to your children. They sound like great kids. Well done on resisting the wine. Hope I can do the same at the weekend.

I was telling someone in my life that I would like to be close to..(if he kicks his coke/booze habit).. not to give into the addiction..he was on the phone from outside his dealers and despite having managed 5 days clean was hellbent on scoring more drugs there and then..
I looked at the booze earlier..and asked myself how very different I was from him when it comes down to it.. I used the term "making choices" at him too... and he failed.. made me think when you all said that..
He has just been excluded from my life til he's in serious recovery..on any level..is a distance relationship anyway.. and I realised painfully that I had to cut him off til he's clean..
He's a senior manager in central london..scary stuff.
My work was my life..I go into my studio almost nostalgically atm.

Thank you

Sorry to ignore all of the other posts but I wanted to update those who asked about Nemo's first hospital appt in Manchester today.

Well, it was like a breath of fresh air compared to Birmingham. I couldn't believe it. We were listened to, asked what we wanted, how did we want Nemo's care managed......

They have put a gentle plan in place to see if we can get him to eat over then next three months. His cleft is smaller now than it was so they know that's not the issue.

He's never been hungry so he's never wanted food, due to being tube fed allof his life.

Anyway, the team ara all superb and I and so glad that we moved to Manchester Children's. Regardless of the journey, it has made such a differnce to us all alreay! So worth it!

Thank you to those who posted well wishes. xx

Sounds like a turn in the right direction...very best of wishes to you!!

mouseface so glad to hear that, was thinking about you earlier. It makes such a difference when you feel that you are being listened to and you have confindence in the professionals.

Mouseface- am really pleased for you and your family.

Littleblue: you are right to stay away from that friendship/relationship for the moment. You need to focus on you and your needs right now. You're in a vulnerable place and should focus on your own recovery.

Yep..got a thread running about it.. mumsnet has been a godsend this last week.. as it was when I was living with a DV relationship a few years back..

Did try and paint..its very wired :) think perhaps some embroidery might prove better

Mouseface That's just brilliant! I'm glad things are working out at the manchester hospital Long may it last!

Littleblue - that's absolutely wonderful that you've talked to your daughter, it's a massive, and brave, step to take. Well done! Onwards and upwards!

Sooo, anyone interested in hearing about how a smart meeting works?

mouse so very very happy that you and Nemo have made some progress.
Things not great here - think I'll move over to the EA thread......