He got me arrested - do I forgive?

[Presto]

DH returns from a night out with his parents and asks for £10 for the taxi, he had clearly been drinking alot. He walks past me and sits at the computer with his back to me. I ask him tomorrow?s plans and to confirm that he and his parents are looking after our daughter, shrugs his shoulders and grunts. I go over and ask him to answer me and face me he then says menacingly ?my parents are not here to do child care, they are here to see me, so FUCK off? (as which time he thrusts his two fingers almost in my eyes, I felt intimidated and very upset.
He then goes into the shed outside for a cigarette, I follow to remonstrate, we argue, he then walks into the house with a lit cigarette and I ask him not to smoke in the house ? we tussle and we both push and shove at which point I bit him on the arm.
He immediately says ?right that?s it you have assaulted me I?m calling the police. He calls the police and also my parents and says ?this conversation is being taped ?.come and take your daughter away?. As a result I call his parents and his dad tell me to ?sort out my own problems?
11.45pm Police and my parents arrive. We are both questioned (I am in nighty & dressing gown)
Jeremy insists on pressing charges. My parents ask him about the ?taped? conversation, he admits lying. My parents leave (Dad is feeling very shaken & I insist I will be fine) the PC says he has ?no intention? of arresting me.
The police allow me to go to bed. Approximately 45 minutes later despite much discussion with the police DH still insists they arrest me and I am awoken by the two policemen in my room telling me to get up and get dressed. I am driven away at 1.30am from my house leaving my three little children asleep- thankfully they did not wake up throughout this dreadful episode. On leaving I say to DH ?are you happy now? and he tells me to ?reflect on what I?ve done?. The policeman is in disbelief that a man could do this to his wife.
My father picks me up at the police station.

He is now remorseful and we are in counselling - problems have been brewing for 18 months. Do I try to forgive him or tell him to leave? We have 3 kids aged 7,5 and 1.

and he tells me to ?reflect on what I?ve done?.

I'm sorry but thats what I tell my kids when they are naughty!! Get out now!!

Awful, awful, awful.

You say he is now remorsefeul, and you both are in counselling - how long ago did this take place?

can someone do a search as I have tried and can find no msgs from a presto

I feel a troll alert coming on

I will apologise profusely if this is not the case

Oh, I agree, WigWamBam, but I think the issues are on both sides tbh.

I agree with you soupy

sounds like a vindictive man with a control obsession

how's the counselling going?

Are you still on here Presto?

Doormat, Presto has posted before.

thanx wigwam
I aplogise profusely

I think Caligula makes an excellent point as his actions do sound engineered. Be careful - but, no, I wouldn't forgive. I'd start making plans to leave, but with caution as he is clearly very manipulative.

I don't think it's easy to offer advice based on this one incident where, I think, actions were ill advised on both sides and there was plenty of scope for it to have gone differently. Whether or not Presto "forgives" him depends rather more on what the situation is like on a day to day basis and whether episodes like this are frequent.

I could not forgive this either. If it were me, I would separate from him. This is not a good situation for you or the children, sorry.

call me cynical or clinically paranoid if you like but i cant help wondering if you have had these problems going on for a while like you say - if he has not just played a trump card.

he realises relationshp is rubbish - you now have a police record of assault and supposing he decides to go for custody of the kids - a masterplan perhaps?

i couldn't ever look my husband in the eye again. trust would be forever out the window, i would not sleep in the same bed, i would not lower myself to speak with him, i would not disgrace myself by cooking for him or cleaning after him or washing his clothes.

in your situation. i would be looking at how i would play the next card, to ensure i get the children and the house and most of the posessions.

even if it took years.

I also think the problems are two-sided in that you are reacting to each other and your ingrained patterns. I don't condone the biting, but his behavior is outright abusive also. Hopeful counselling will help you individually--after an event like this that is so public and the parents are aware of it, I just don't see how you forgive and move on...very difficult situation to be in and you have my sympathies.

I couldn't care less what the relationship was like before if this were me. THough clearlyl things are crap.
He cold-bloodedly saw her taken out of the house and arrested, hoping she'd be charged. He was abusive and scary and aggressive. He called HER PARENTS to be abusive to them. He waited for 45 minutes, in which time most people would have calmed down, and insisted that his wife and the mother of his three young children was arrested and charged. He's a psychopath.
Me, would I forgive him? No. Never.

I think he should be charged with wasting police time if he's set-up this situation.

Yes, and she physically assaulted him.

So you'd be OK with this?

Presto's said she bit him after he pushed and shoved her. Men and women fighting physically is usually a pretty unequal struggle- he's hardly blameless here. And I agree with Caligula about potential set up here. And with aloha that he sounds like a psychopath. Hope you can get out asap, Presto. What a horrid situation.

No, not at all, I'm saying that because of that it's impossible to judge on this one incident alone.

I suspect that had a poster said "my DH bit me and I had him arrested" with the story reversed, most people would have said "go get him girl!"

My opinion is that I couldn't advise whether Presto should forgive him or not. Is he usually agressive? Do their problems usually deteriorate into agression on both sides? Is forgiveness really what this is about or is it better to consider whether they are right for each other at this time?

And she says "we tussle and we both push and shove at which point I bit him on the arm"

I want to reiterate that I'm not siding with him here!

I'm with you on this one soupy.

In addition what sort of state is the relationship in if this sort of thing is happeneing?

Is it a relationship that can or should be saved and if not why worry about forgiveness, there are other issues at stake

Yes- that's why I mentioned that men and women fighting is usually unequal, soups. ie: imo it's even worse for men to push women than vice versa because they are usually stronger.

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