Found out OW got pregnant and had an abortion!

[toomanyeasterbunnies]

Not sure if I am in shock or if it just isn't a big deal after dealing with the feelings of the affair. But I've just found out that OW was pregnant (apparently she wasn't sure if it was H's or not) and then she had an abortion. My H is convinced he told me that she was pregnant but he definitely didn't tell me this and at the time said that there could have been a possibility of her being pregnant and that if she was she wouldn't have known whose it was. He certainly made no mention of an abortion. After initially getting the shakes and slamming the phone down on him I have been surprisingly calm about it all.

Should this revelation make me more angry? I'm not sure if I am just bottling it up until he gets home. Should this be making a difference? It's not like she is still pregnant but I think I am still upset by it. I don't know what to make of my own reaction to this news.

I think if we could find out if she is still pregnant that would be a start. At least I would know what we are up against. It's the not knowing and the uncertainty of everything that is hanging above us. I'd hate for her to show up a few years down the line saying to H that the baby is his.

If we were to contact her I am not sure what the best way would be. H has mentioned going to see her (with a chaperone) but I'm not keen on that idea. My head just feels like cotton wool today.

Agree with chippingin, it would be sensible to assume that she is pregnant with your DH's baby for the moment, until you know for certain otherwise.

Scans usually do have dates, and in some hospitals you also get a print-out with all kinds of details, e.g. last menstrual period, no of weeks of gestation, estimated due date, the baby's measurements and how these compare with the averages etc.

OW should easily, therefore, be able to provide evidence that the baby is not DH's using this kind of stuff. Or you could offer to pay for a private scan (normally under £100). Obviously you cannot force her to share information about the pregnancy, but if she refuses to provide evidence to the contrary, it does seem more likely that the dates make it possible that it is your DH's baby. If she wants to make it work with the man she is now back with, surely he will want this information too, and she should be willing to provide it to lay things to rest?

You need to get legal advice on the paternity test.

This sort of stuff is probably best done face-to-face between DH and OW (horrible, I know), unless he can simply speak to her by phone and get her to send the information by post. Maybe a friend of your choice could go with him if he does go?

This is just getting more bizarre. H called her tonight to see if we could get any clarity on the pregnancy issue and now she is saying that she had a miscarriage this morning. My H has come off the phone and is not sure whether to believe her as she started telling him the same thing she told me about them not sleeping together every time they met. He is adamant that they did so doesn't understand why she is lying to him? She also told my H that she was only 7-8 weeks gone but when I spoke to her ex he said she was 9.5 weeks gone and that was two weeks ago.

I'm starting to think she is a compulsive liar.

So now I don't think we are any clearer and we will just have to take her word for it that she has had a miscarriage.