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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there something wrong with me?

119 replies

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 12:46

I am just watching Long Lost Family which I recorded last night. It is all about people looking for and finding long lost family members. All are really happy to be found and both sides of the equation are delighted to be building a relationship.

This gets me thinking about my mother and how I would rather pack up my kids and run away to the other side of the world than have her anywhere near me or my family.

Lots of you will know my back story but for those that don't here is a nutshell.

She got pregnant to trap my father.
They split before I was born.
She blamed me for being a girl.
I was abandoned on a door step when weeks old.
I was in and out of care as she decided whether to keep me or not.
When I was happy in a children's or foster home she wrecked it so I had to be moved.
When I was unhappy in a foster home she stayed away.
She has made threats. I can barely breathe typing this. She has been in touch with my DH and MIL and my MIL has betrayed me. It would kill me to have to let my children anywhere near her.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 20/05/2011 12:52

nowt wrong with you my darling, other than you are getting tv mixed up with RL... Smile i think there's a lot we're not seeing, tbh.

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 13:09

I need to ask my MIL if she has sent photos to my mother but it won't end well.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 20/05/2011 13:11

does your MIL have sympathy for her? how... odd. sorry to say, FAB, cos at the end of the day she is your mother but she sounds like someone better out of your life than in.

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 13:14

MIL admitted she had told my mother I had had a baby and the name "mother to mother." AngrySadShock

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 20/05/2011 13:19

they are weird, aren't they? my dh has had (not so much now, to be fair) a tricky relationship with his mum, and my mum Could Not help expressing an opinion on the way that he was behaving about it. despite him being an adult and being perfectly entitled to behave however he saw appropriate.... really strange.

ImeldaM · 20/05/2011 13:25

Are you close to your MIL? because if you are you need to talk to her & explain how much it hurts you that she is in touch with your mother. If not close maybe your DP/DH could talk to her to ask to 'keep out of it'.

My DDad had a life similar to yours and his Mum was always letting him & his sister down, I could never understand how she could be so heartless. Some people are just mean.

Snuppeline · 20/05/2011 13:25

Erh, no, it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you at all. Quite the contrary - you sound amazing! Having gone through that childhood and being sane is no small feat! Tell your MIL in no uncertain terms that you will stop any contact with her if she can't keep schtum about your family. Its not her place to say anything to your mother at all and if you as a grown up have decided that you would rather not have any contact with your biological mother then she should respect that. Can you get your DH to reinforce the idea to his mother?

Don't beat around the bush or try to be polite having this conversation. Keep your calm though, don't scream or shout, but tell her what you feel and what the consequences of further contact between your MIL and your mother would be. I hope she sees sense.

BitOfFun · 20/05/2011 13:28

I know this might come across as a bit flippant, but I mean it sincerely: don't you think you should stay away from programmes like the one you mention? They are bound to bring up very upsetting stuff for you, and I would think that you should steer well clear. Unless, of course, you want to mull all this over now, and you think it helps.

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 13:29

I want to ask her though I can't be sure she would tell the truth. She asked me out of the blue if I had heard anything myself and I told her we had spent £££'s of pounds getting a solicitor involved so that we could feel safe and she would be arrested if she contacted anyone again. I am certain that is why MIL would lie if they had had contact.

Part of me thinks I am being mean keeping my mother away Confused.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 13:32

BoF - I hear you and would definitely stop if it was causing me real problems but tbh I have much bigger and harder stuff to deal with at the moment so it isn't too bad.

Without proof it is hard. I just have a feeling but it could just be because I really don't want it.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2011 13:39

does your MIL know your past? if you cant persuade her to stop leaking info to your mum then could your dh? I acnnot believe she is betraying you like that Shock

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 13:43

She does know my past. She spent a weekend reading my file. What can I do though when she says there has been no further contact?

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 20/05/2011 13:45

there is something wrong with your MIL if you ask me

ShoutyHamster · 20/05/2011 13:50

I remember your last thread.

It seems to me that your MIL is the real issue. It's the one you keep coming back to in your threads- and quite rightly, after what she's done. I think that this is the thing you have to tackle. I think this is the thing that is making you feel miserable and under threat.

Not that your mum isn't an issue - but the situation there is very clear cut, and you have put in place boundaries to stop any contact, which is absolutely the right thing to do. Your mum is of course the founding issue, but she can't do anything or be a part of your life, and that is right, and you are in control of it.

But in MIL you have someone who should be absolutely on your side, and who has betrayed you. Really badly. Her hideous, false sentimentality - 'mother to mother' - to a woman she doesn't know and who is it seems the antithesis of motherhood - how dare she? And how dare she take it upon herself to dismantle the boundaries YOU have placed around YOUR family on this issue? I am not surprised that you are having difficulty getting past what MIL has done. I wouldn't be able to, and I would have had to cut contact with her, at least temporarily. And I would have demanded to know what she had said, done, sent in full.

But from your previous posts I see that you feel you can't do this. You want MIL to like you, you don't want to rock the boat. And you are intelligent enough to see that some of this neediness comes from your previous mistreatment and the scars it has left. So, MIL is hurting you on another front - this issue highlights the fact that you feel that at some level, you can't stick up for yourself. While MIL swans into your family unit and makes you feel as if you don't even have control of that.

I think you need to sit down with your DH and talk to him in depth about this. Then he, and you if possible, need to speak to MIL and say that actually, the effects of her actions aren't in the past. You've tried very hard to get past them for her sake, but you can't. You simply don't trust her anymore and cannot understand how she could possibly side with an abuser against you, her son and her grandchildren. (Yes, that's what she's done - make that clear). And that you need to cut contact for a while until you BOTH decide whether you can have her in your lives, or whether given her actions it is better now to go your separate ways. And say that if she has anything else to say, it would be a good thing if she could confess it now. Has she sent anything to your mother - photos etc. You both need to know that now.

She will cack herself. And that's the intended outcome. She's behaved despicably. She needs a sharp wake-up, not only so that you get back the control you need within your family, but so that she never even considers doing anything like this again. I think that this is the ONLY way you are going to find some peace here. And you don't have the strength right now to do this yourself (nor should you - it is an issue for you to face as a family) so your DH needs to help you. He also needs to be the front runner here so that YOU do not get blamed unreasonably for something that MIL has had coming to her for quite a while.

I assume you wouldn't want to cut her off forever, but it would not only give you a break from her, but also maybe tip the balance of power in your favour a bit. It's good that you want to be on good terms with her, but NOT good that you feel so... needy about it, unable to be in charge of your own family boundaries. It's quite likely that she's sensed that, and at some level that's facilitated her interfering - that you're a poor helpless thing that just needs a nudge in the right direction. NO. You are not. You are an adult and have your own nuclear family now. You don't need to get on with her at the expense of your own peace of mind.

Good luck. I really hope this works out. I can see where you are coming from entirely.

Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2011 13:50

what reason does she have for having betrayed you - apart from the 'mother to mother' shit?

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 14:01

No other excuse.

MIL will get narked if I bring it up again. DH backs me 100% but is sure his mother hasn't done anything since as his father would tell him. I am mad at myself for backing down due to MIL Shock when I told her what her actions had done to me but I was scared.

She is having the children after school and over night so I can't say anything today but I need to say something once I have worked out what. I get scared when I have to ask her not to do something with my children and this is so much harder.

On a good note I worked out how to block my mother on facebook so I won't get another shock of her popping up. I am not on there but have been looking for some old girl friends from school.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 14:12

I just googled and there are loads of posts from my mother saying she is looking for me Shock[scared].

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2011 14:31

Posts where Fab? Don't worry, you do not have to accept this woman into your life regardless of how many posts she makes!!

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 14:33

Just from google. On genes reunited type sites.

I feel sick and nervous as I want to ask MIL but can't as I am leaving the children there over night.

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 20/05/2011 14:33

This is exactly what I mean.

You are angry, really angry, quite reasonably angry, at MIL, but too scared to do anything. Until you do, you'll continue to feel like this.

If your DH backs you 100%, let him. Tell him you want to go no contact.

And yourself too - you also have to grasp the nettle with MIL. You need to not care that she will get 'narked'. She has no bloody right to be, and if she is, tough. This is bigger than that. You are quite rightly mad at yourself for backing down - so back back up! What you need to say is clear if you go no contact for a while. She's destroyed your trust. You do not trust her with the children anymore. I wouldn't. After what she's done, she would certainly not be having them overnight!

Oh, and it doesn't matter that your mother is looking for you - she had her chance, she blew it. You have your own happy family now... and she is not part of it. She can look all she likes - she can stare at photos, if your MIL has sent her any - she can talk 'mother to mother' as much as she likes - nothing, nothing will ever get her what she wants, nothing will ever restore to her what she threw away. Nothing. She is powerless. She would still be powerless if she came to your house and stood outside banging on the door. What she wants - to be part of your family - is not possible for her. You are safe, you and your children are a million miles away from her in all the ways that matter.

TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 17:44

Deep breath.

I did it.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 17:47

I am Blush to say MIL did what she did 5 years ago which is why she is having the children tonight and why we have continued to see them. I have tried for all that time to move on but have been fighting myself as I am so cross with myself I wasn't brave enough to be honest.

I asked her if she had sent photos to my mother and she said no and has had no contact since I told her what I told her. I didn't press her on that as DS was coming up the stairs and tbh if I try and analyse it I will send myself badly gaga. She said she would tell me if she heard from her and I said yes, because apart from anything else her son would not be happy and he is very protective of me.

She was fine with me asking (me needing reassurance Blush) and I feel much better now for asking.

Thank you to every one. I couldn't have done it without you.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 20/05/2011 17:48

And I have realised it isn't even me my mother wants. It is my children Angry.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 26/05/2011 09:59

Why do I worry I will regret not bothering with her?

I gave her so many chances.

I lost my only relative a few years ago who has ever bothered with me and I miss her so much. Sad

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 27/05/2011 07:53

i don't know, i guess it's a human reaction to miss what you might have had, and our instinct is for redemption i think. but that doesn't mean you can't draw a line under it if you feel you have given her enough chances. now it's your kids we're talking about, perhaps it's just a battle between your feelings towards her as a daughter and your feelings now that you have your own brood to defend.
have you ever been in therapy for all this, fab, it sounds like a very difficult situation, something that you might need help with teasing out all the emotions.

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