I have given birth to a demon

[Quattrocento]

DD gave DS a birthday present recently

Said birthday present consisted of her old IPOD shuffle, which was no longer required

DS was very grateful

Say what you will about hand-me-down birthday presents but they are not particularly thoughtful IMO

But then she compounded this by STEALING what was now her brother's IPOD shuffle, and SELLING it on Ebay

Suggestions?

TFO, all students at the school I am in have access to teachers email addresses (the school ones anyway) it doesn't necessarily mean that they will be read instantly though....

Agree with praise for threadhandling quattro, it has kind of got off the point, but based on my (admittedly limited as a trainee teacher but still, I see 13 yr old girls every day) I don't think she is particuarly evil, yes, it was a horrible nasty thing she did, but then 13 yr old girls are not known for being kind and considerate on the whole. Don't beat yourself up, how you handle it now is the important thing and it sounds like you have come down hard, which is great.

OMG thank God my school don't give out email addresses!

Its only primary and its not the kids I'm bothered about - some of my parents would never be off the email.

Some of them are rather involved

doesn't give out - tut tut!

Apologies....i'm a late entrant to the thread and confess I haven't read all 7 pages.

But I must say that firstly the whole iphone/ipod thing really is a distraction. The problem here is DD has been purposefully deceitful and by selling the ipod, tantamount to theft. The technology is a sideshow. It could have been pokemon cards and the problem remains the same. The bottom line is that DD should not have sold something she'd gifted someone else.

Kid's need clear boundaries and consequences for their actions. My DD is 14 now and has had an iphone for the last year or so. If she'd have done this to her brother then she can guess what I'd have done. Her brother would now be a proud owner of an iphone and she'd be left with the 99p phone I got him from the Internet.

A teenager is nothing but a toddler who can talk. If you don't keep a tight rein on them, they'll go off the rails. If I were you OP, I'd seriously consider making this a hard lesson for your daughter to learn. As parents our job is not to be popular, it's to teach them right from wrong. And sometimes those lessons hurt!

At DDs school the letters, weekly newsletter and trip info is all sent electronically. School reports are accessed via the school portal, you do not get a hard copy.

Parents are expected to e-mail teachers with queries or information. A booklet with all the staff photos and e-mail addresses is sent home at the start of the school year.

It must be a nightmare for parents who are not very computer-literate- I don't know how they cope. However I don't think there are very many like this as it is a big international school and all the houses the DDs visit have all the electronic gizmos.

Niceguy A teenager is nothing but a toddler who can talk. If you don't keep a tight rein on them, they'll go off the rails.

NO NO NO a teenager used to be toddler- and that was when they had to be kept on a tight rein. Once children are at senior school your role gradually changes so that by the time they are leaving school they can look after themselves properly. You become a mentor rather than a manager.

We provide everything our DCs need to help them do well at school. Books, equipment, laptops, printer. In return we expect lots of hard work and top effort grades from their teachers. We are encouraging a culture of hard work and delayed gratification.

Our role as parents is to help them see all the possible outcomes of their decisions and to guide them into the world. Imposing your will on a teenager because you can but with no thought for their opinions or emotions does them no favours.

It is an interesting and enjoyable role looking after teenagers- but it is not the same as parenting toddlers.

Phew!!!! All these over gadgets! I'm dreading my 23mo becoming a teenager!!!!

OP has handled it well. I'm sure she has also spoken to her daughter about what was "intrinsically" bad about what she did. She's hardly a criminal or fraudster in training! It came across like OP has a good family and a great relationship. End of. Not our business how she put that message across to her kids.

And for the folks, my 23mo just got an Ipad from his dad and I gave my old Airbook to my 6 yo niece!!! Have I ruined their lives?

Get a grip please!!!!

May I just highlight something not yet discussed? which is the "my kids are sensible - no harm will come to them online" idea...

I was The Most Sensible Girl Ever. I never did drugs, never drunk underage, never searched for porn, never swore... I was a class A nerd.

I got groomed between the age of 16 and 18 and at 18 I found myself 200 miles from home, a boat or plane ride away, no money and trapped with a bloke.

He was 10 years older than me - my parents had no idea I spoke to him online. I have no idea what happened or how it happened but there I was....

It got worse and all I'll say is I got pregnant against my will (hate the r word) and forced into marriage whereupon I was emotionally abused (although I think that began with the grooming) and eventually punched so hard it would have blinded me, if it had not been thrown at a wonky angle.

PLEASE, please do not EVER think your children are too sensible to be safe online.

I implore you - grooming happens to ANYone. Sense does not come in to it. It is too insidious for you to even realise it is happening.

oh I meant to add a really important bit: at age 16, I was very, very old to be groomed. It usually happens much younger.