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Original poster

I have given birth to a demon

160 replies

Quattrocento · 13/05/2011 19:43

DD gave DS a birthday present recently

Said birthday present consisted of her old IPOD shuffle, which was no longer required

DS was very grateful

Say what you will about hand-me-down birthday presents but they are not particularly thoughtful IMO

But then she compounded this by STEALING what was now her brother's IPOD shuffle, and SELLING it on Ebay

Suggestions?

OP posts:
psisedriteoff · 14/05/2011 08:51

As the money for the shuffle goes into your DHs account , why dont you give DS the money? it was not your DD to sell.

Your DS is free to buy a new shuffle, or anything else he pleases

No shock comment, regarding DD having a iphone, my DD13yo, had one yesterday for her birthday, it was not brand new when I bought it [gets flamed for second hand gifts] it was a very close friends, who had bought a new phone, and sold it for £100. I would not have bought her a brand new one, because she is useless with phones

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2011 09:29

I have to agree... she is acting like this because you are letting her do so.

the ebay account needs to be closed... you do realise that if she doesn't have funds in paypal the money for anything she purchases will come out of your husband's account?

how on earth did she get his credit card anyway to set this up??

and i also agree with the person saying that maybe she picked up on you thinking her present was a shit one so she took it abck and sold it...

lljkk · 14/05/2011 09:51

Cirkey, Quattro, hope you didn't come on here expecting "support"!
I think it would be appropriate to sit down with your DS and ask him what he thinks the right way is for her to make amends. You get to moderate his suggestions. Might mean her pocket money being docked to pay for a new iPod shuffle, for instance.

I don't think bringing emotion or "You are a terrible parent" judgements are productive.

I do think your DD & DS will laugh about this one day, honest.

stillfrazzled · 14/05/2011 09:59

Hmmm. I like the idea of DS getting some say in the restitution he gets, but don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with the idea of putting the onus of punishment on him, IYSWIM?

Would have to be done carefully - parent is punishing because it was the wrong thing to do and is choosing the method, victim gets to choose whether it's a new ipod, or cash for one, or whatever.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2011 10:08

I think the solution is simple. The money will be in her fathers account. He gives the money to the son, or uses it to buy the son another second hand ipod.

I cant understand the issue with "secondhand gifts" being insulting or not thoughtful and perhaps if the Op has expressed these views to the daughter and/or the son that may be behind the reason she thought "sod it then, I will take it back.

I doubt anyone would expect a young teenager to spend much money on a present for anyone, especially her own young brother, and giving him the ipod would have been a generous gesture. Wrong to take it back, even more wrong though that she is allowed the ebay account and able to operate it clearly unsupervised.

lljkk · 14/05/2011 10:15

Oh, and obviously, try to to explore with the DD why she thought that was ok to sell her "gift".

SingOut · 14/05/2011 10:40

Actually, the money WON'T be in the fathers account, it will be in the 13 year olds Paypal account, and she will probably just use it to buy something else on eBay, or indeed anywhere where paypal is accepted online. Neither of the parents - or the long-suffering DS - will ever get to see the money. If she has her own bank acct, she may even have set thing up in such a way that she can siphon off the paypal funds to her own bank! Even if she used her dads cc to set up the account initially.

I don't think you've given birth to a demon, she was probably fine way back when. It's the influence of your permissive parenting that's brought about this situation.

zikes · 14/05/2011 10:40

I think giving her ipod shuffle to her brother was a very nice gift, actually.

Have you asked her why she then sold it? Did she think it was unappreciated or unused? Was she punishing her brother for something? Was she punishing you through him?

You really need to get a grip 'tho. You're tacitly approving her having/using technology you don't monitor or control. You're asking for trouble.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2011 11:09

You have to be 18 to have your own paypal account too, so that would also be illegal.

Clytaemnestra · 14/05/2011 11:40

Shut down ebay for her permanently - she's proved she can't be trusted with it and she's breaking both paypal and ebay rules by having an account in the first place.

Confiscate the iPhone until she has provided your DS with a new shuffle.

zikes · 14/05/2011 11:40

Also, it sounds like you sat and watched her wrap up the ipod shuffle and post it. Why on earth didn't you intervene?

Pedallleur · 14/05/2011 12:53

Fantastic! a 13 year old with a £400(?) phone and a PayPal/Ebay account that she is ILLEGALLY using and also commiting financial fraud using her fathers credit card (she is NOT the card holder nor is the card in her name). What else is your little darling up to on the internet unsupervised. The people who stalk cyberspace looking for kids to groom/accounts to hack/id to steal dream of families like you. If I come to your house can I use that card to order myself some stuff and perhaps borrow the car for a week or two? Encouraging entrepeneurial spirit is one thing but encouraging fraud/illegal trading etc is another.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 14/05/2011 12:53

Squeakytoy speaks a lot of sense about the eBay thing. It is such a minefield. I don't even use it because of this!

Tell her if she wants to sell stuff in future she can do a boot fair.

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/05/2011 13:04

No, of course I didn't watch her wrap the Ipod shuffle - i just found some ends of brown paper in her bin when I emptied it.

I've confiscated her Iphone (which provoked a tantrum and hence also confiscation of her macbook) and DS has got a new Ipod.

She's been using Ebay to sell her old games and things for a few months now, which was how she accessed the funds from the old ipod - DH apparently thought she'd sold another game. But we've closed the account down this morning.

As for disapproving of the original present to DS - never said a word to her. But it really didn't show a lot of thought or care IMO.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 14/05/2011 13:08

Trying to post, but struggling...with...Apple...envy...gah! Nope, can't do it Grin

lljkk · 14/05/2011 13:14

Get lousy prices at bootfairs, though.

DH's iPhone "only" cost 200 quid, not a ridiculous amount to spend on a 13yo if a birthday pressie (see the "How much do you REALLY spend on your child's birthdays?" thread).

Is everyone giving Quattro grief because of past threads? (sorry I have memory of a sieve). Just letting a 13yo have an iPhone and access to Ebay is hardly a criminal indictment of lax parenting (see the "My DS is cleverer than me so AIBU to let him do anything he likes on the Internet?" thread for comparison). So I presume there must be more behind the blasting Quattro is getting? Confused

How does your DS feel about it, Quattro?

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 14/05/2011 13:16

MacBook as well?

lljkk · 14/05/2011 13:22

Mate just got her 13yo dd a blackberry... is that also outrageous? If you're not paying for it, why do people have to have such strong opinions??

MN confuses me so much. Some people vociferously defending the right of a 9yo to have own FB account or a 12yo to have no Internet supervision whatsoever and others screeching "financial fraud!" if a 13yo uses Daddy's credit card (like that's a modern phenomena...er... NOT).

I think I'd better hide this. Good luck Quattro.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2011 14:04

As for disapproving of the original present to DS - never said a word to her. But it really didn't show a lot of thought or care IMO

She is 13 for heavens sakes.. she gave her brother a bloody decent gift if you ask me. What would you prefer she had got him Confused.

I must live in a different world to some people, because I certainly think £200 IS a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a childs birthday present. I really do.

Pedallleur · 14/05/2011 14:38

A 13 year old is not supposed to be trading on ebay and using a credit card at that age (or any age) that is not in her name or in her joint name is fraud and will be in breach of the T&C of the card. If the girl was to run up £10k of debt then the cardholder may not be covered as they have allowed it's ilegal use. The card co. will check the transaction history . What applications are on the Iphone and are the calls being checked? Sounds like a lot of leeway for a child. As I said earlier, cyberspace is full of people looking to hack/defraud/steal/groom. I work in IT so I see it everyday

Mumswang · 14/05/2011 14:48

Is it me or could this be a slightly stealthy boast more than a handwringing oh what shall I do thread

See my ruthless, entrepreneurial daughter who incidentally is showered with expensive gadgetry, oh she's so do naughty

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/05/2011 14:49

Don't think I've got bad previous - seems to be the iphone that's winding people up - but seriously all DD's chums have these ridiculous phones.

On the Ebay use - which has now been curtailed through your advice - she was only ever allowed to sell and not buy. So should in theory have been okay.

Internet use is tricky to monitor IMO. DS just appeared this morning and told me he'd had to reset the parental controls through the router when he had to set up the new router and presented me with the new password. I think I am just going to have to trust to their common sense - and they are mostly quite sensible - as they can both run rings around me when it comes to gizmos.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/05/2011 14:51

Oh honestly, if you think an iphone is something to preen about, then you're quite nuts.

I was actually genuinely gutted that she'd taken his ipod and sold it. Think it's quite a revolting thing to do.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 14/05/2011 14:56

I think I am just going to have to trust to their common sense - and they are mostly quite sensible - as they can both run rings around me when it comes to gizmos.

Erm, bollocks. Who's the parent here? You're going to use your own lack of knowledge as an excuse not to take control of their internet use? They are children fgs, not young adults. And as for the 'mostly quite sensible' bit, I'd say that your OP proves quite the opposite. Sounds like you need to flex some parenting muscle otherwise you're in for a whole world of pain.

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/05/2011 15:00

Easier said than done to control internet use though. Dunno if you have teenagers or not, but they all have their own machines - they genuinely have to because of doing homework and submitting it electronically. The machines do have parental controls on, as does the router, but they are perfectly capable of circumventing all that, it's quite easy. So there is an element of trust, there has to be.

OP posts:
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