I have given birth to a demon

[Quattrocento]

DD gave DS a birthday present recently

Said birthday present consisted of her old IPOD shuffle, which was no longer required

DS was very grateful

Say what you will about hand-me-down birthday presents but they are not particularly thoughtful IMO

But then she compounded this by STEALING what was now her brother's IPOD shuffle, and SELLING it on Ebay

Suggestions?

Honestly I think it is really sad that already at such young ages they have so much - you have allowed them to have all these seriously luxury items (that lots of adults here could not afford) and you wonder why your daughter has such a mercenary attitude towards money and property; her own and other peoples. By giving them all these things so young you have set the bar really high for them as they already are at the top of the pile materially and they have nothing left to achieve. Just because you think every other child has this stuff doesn't mean you should let your children have it all at such a young age.

I think you need to learn the art of saying no - no matter if hearts have been set on things sometimes it should just be a no and then they can learn to have some appreciation for their possessions. I am not sure ebaying at her age is appropriate either - you are teaching your children the price of everything and the value of nothing.

That's a humbling post and I do take the point. They honestly don't have everything they want and they do have to work hard, particularly at school. They both go to private schools, which is perhaps why (my and consequently perhaps their) visions of normality are a bit skewed. DS is not remotely materialistic, but DD is, and I was genuinely very concerned that she had done this.

This thread has turned into more of a discussion on what gizmos the OP has allowed her DC's to have.
My DC's x 3 have the same and they are certainly not spoiled brats and they all appreciate the value of things. By no means are my kids unusual, their friends all have the same laptops/ iphones/ipods etc, it seems very much the "Norm" when thery reach their teens.
To a certain extend l think Quads DD is showing some maturity is managing her ebay account although l would question the wisdom of this being allowed unsupervised--hence the selling of the Ipod....

I think that one of the down sides of a private school is that the children aren't always mixing with people from varied backgrounds, so their idea of what ordinary kids have is, like you say, skewed.

Not their fault, but you're there to remind them that not everyone has the things they have, and just because their friends have it, doesn't make it right. All kids see adverts or whatever and its "want want want" but some things just aren't age appropriate.

My kids don't go to private school, local comprehensive for us...still they all have the gagets. I don't know of a single friend of DD who does not have a laptop or Iphone/balckberry/htc phone. We do not live in a "posh" area we are very much working class.
They are just "ordinary kids"

My boys are not spoiled by any means.

They both have laptops. We will be spending around £250 on DS1's 14th birthday in June.

He is getting an IMAC for christmas - he has chosen Music as one of his options and it will certainly help with this subject.

Those of you that say that DC's should not have xyz.... have you got younger children?

Yes we have parental controls on their laptops etc and I am also a friend on DS1's fb account. DS2 (nearly 12) does not have fb.

OP, she gave him a present end of, whether new or old - she gave him one (although if it were me then like DameShirley I would take them out and buy something with them to give to their sibling).

I think she is showing some initiative with the ebay thing although perhaps she may need a little of bit of guidance on wrapping stuff up brown paper? did she not use bubble wrap?

Mine do not go to private school either.

bellavita

Thanks for those posts - was seriously starting to think that laptops for children were something freakishly abnormal

It's interesting about the present thing. i remind and remind and leave it up to them to follow through. They are both pretty useless at the following through thing, so perhaps I should be a bit more active.

Your DS sounds truly lovely - my DS and most other children would not have reacted like that.

But maybe he thinks (clearly like his sister), easy come, easy go - he knows he can have just about whatever he wants?

Thank you but no, he does not feel that sort of sense of entitlement

I think some parents live in the 15th century with regards to gadgets, I do I really do!

I would have bet money on them being at private school before reading your post. What has happened is you have decided that all tweens have these expensive things because the similarly well off tweens you know have them. I'm not being jealous of you being well off, but I'll point out that you should be aware that your children have more material possessions than most adults can afford. It may be the norm for their peers but it is not the general norm. I only have a couple of friends with teens/tweens - the 11yo gets to use the family PC in the living room. The 15yos I know have their own internet able phones, but they have adult content restrictions on. They also use the family PC.
I know what is out there online and how easy it is to find. I also know that every single teenager will seek out inappropriate images, or rather they may seek something but the internet will likely provide content which is far harder and more frightening or disturbing for them. The things an 11yo could see by mistake when searching for 'boobs and fannies' - do you really think it's good enough to leave it up to their common sense? More fool you.

So in conclusion - your DCs are growing up with a strong sense of entitlement due to having access to expensive luxury items, and they have too much freedom. IMO.

That's an interesting post. I agree that I perhaps should do more in terms of boundaries.

I don't agree with you about the sense of entitlement that you have attributed to both my children. Certainly, DD is materialistic, as her actions have shown. However DS is not and never will be. He's a musical otherwordly friendly little chap. You are being unfair and you are really being quite unkind to a child you have never met.

Totally disagree with you EricNorthmansMistress

Eric - I disagree.

Thanks both. I'd like to point out that both DCs have nagged incessantly to have a TV in their room and I have been RESOLUTE in denying them :) For once ...

Quattro, both mine have had tv's in their rooms since they were about 5. It has done them no harm. They have never ever watched the tv's when they should have been asleep.

Lenin, go for it!

ROFL, now I am feeling terribly harsh

When before I was feeling like a parent from one of those horrible reality shows