My new boyfriend doesn't want to be bothered with my toddler so I have put her in to care.

[TheOriginalFAB]

He said I had to chose so I chose him. Sometimes I have her back but I get fed up after a while and send her away but if someone else shows interest in her I get her back again. When no one else wants her I can't be bothered either.

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I am the toddler.

I think I will as I have made progress with other things that I couldn't deal with before.

I would say that although it may be 'right ' for you to talk about your mum in counselling. You don't 'have' to. You must always remember you are now in control and when you are ready you will make more progress. You might need some time to digest what progress you have already made, before you feel able to move on again. It feels scary now to be who you might have been but if you do it slowly at your own pace it won't ever be overwhelmingxxxx

Morning Fab. Im new to your story so if I seem dim, forgive me. I have depression which is a real bugger but even though I didn't believe it at first, found talking about it with a counsellor really helped. I felt beforehand that I was being stupid and self-pitying and that I couldn't put into words what was going through my mind but this, I discovered, is what a lot of people think. The vital thing to remember is that not talking to someone and storing it all up inside you only adds to it. I dont want to be telling you to do anything but if you could make contact with your GP and say you want to see a counsellor she/he will arrange something. Just make yourself a simple promise to go to ONE session. Thats all, just to the initial one. Once you get there and see how it isnt as difficult as you thought it would be you will probably decide to go again to the next session. 2 further things, 1st, get yourself on the waiting list as soon as you can coz it can take a while for counselling and 2nd TREAT WHAT YOU ARE FEELING SERIOUSLY. You matter to yourself and your kids.

It is really hard to post things on here as often I have had the feeling sorry for myself/here we go again faces. I just wonder what they expect you to do when you have no one in real life to talk too and you want an immediate connection with someone. You have to wait for counselling and I need a break from it at the moment after finishing a year at the end of last year.

FAB I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I'm not a prolific poster normally so you probably don't know me from Adam, but I've seen lots of your posts over time as I'm a regular. I would never post faces or tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and I doubt any other regulars who knew your backstory would either. I know it's hard when you feel so hurt and vulnerable but you just have to ignore the unsympathetic types who just don't get it. If posting here helps you when you're not ready to see a counsellor again for the time being, you just carry on posting however much you want to.

Hi FAB.

Just wanted to post and tell you that you are not alone. I understand that feeling of abandonment and betrayal and how it affects every aspect of your life. My Mum moved away when I was 6 and took my little sister with her, and it wasn't until I moved in with DP and his children that I really stuggled with it. I couldn't and still cant understand how anyone can do that to their children. My dad walked away from me a few years later. Now I'm 34 and have extremely mixed feelings about having my own. I want my own children but am bricking it that I won't be able to cope and will do the same thing. Is there something in my family which makes us leave. It's hideous.

I haven't done as well in my life as I would have liked because I'm terrified of letting people down and get derailed by depression. I've lost jobs, lost friends, and fucked my life up again and again because I just can't cope.

You have my sympathy and support, and I hope you find a counceller who helps you. I haven't had much success with therapy, but as I'm getting older I'm starting to accept things more, and am more comfortable in my own skin. Best of Luck and keep talking on here. People are wise.

BHLS

I worried about having children as I had a certain experience as a child and my social worker says people who have this experience repeat it with their children. I was devastated as I really wanted babies. Thankfully my husband is very sensible and knocked me up several times and it has been okay . I am not saying it has been easy as it hasn't as I have been obsessed with what food they ate, how their clothes were rotated, that they had clothes that fit and the best shoes I could afford but we are getting there.

FAB, we're all obsessed with that shit.

Wait till they're teenagers and you're obsessing about why they won't invite anyone to the prom/whether they're ever going to do some revision/have they been smoking weed.

You're a FAB mum, you just need to let yourself believe it

That is part of my problem, not knowing what is normal and what isn't.

I am on my way out in a minute, have to go to a doctor .