My son and cannabis

[LynAnn]

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

irony, MM, look it up

It's not the popular opinion you're countering, though, Missmelo. It's the opinion of a small group.

God help us all if it were MN consensus.

Irony AnyFucker, really?
Mrsgmhopkins I know that. Sad really when the information and advice I am giving is useful and valuable, some people can't get over their own opinion of something I was 'alleged' to have done. Its also sad, like I've said before, that my comments having the potential to cause offence to people even when thats not what they are meant to do, seems to have a higher priority than the actual advice and info I have to offer.

You must be used to it in your work, though. I wouldn't do your job if they paid me a million quid a day.

Thanks for doing your bit to keep my kids safe, though.

" or use preventative measures to do all you can to make sure it never happens?"

You still don't get it. Shockingly.

The point is that there are no sure-fire "preventative measures" a parent can take that will ensure her kids will never try recreational drugs. This certainty you have about responsible parents who take preventative measures = drug-free children is a fantasy.

Look up the statistics. People who have never done drugs are now a minority in metropolitan areas. This is not because they all have irresponsible parents who didn't take any preventative measures. It is because drugs are widely available, you don't have to be 21 to get them, and they are much more fun than alcohol or cigarettes.

If you wish to be useful to OP and others in her position, stop judging them and share your experience with them - what can they do now that their DC are dependent on cannabis?

Erm, get them off it?

Thanks Mrsgmhopkins, the job is a privilege I can tell you that. I'm used to a lot but what startles me (and some colleagues who I discussed this with) is that the advice I gave, although seemingly it had the potential to cause offence, was picked up far more widely than the practical advice I had to give. There is a huge amount of ignorance about drugs, their effect etc etc in the media, pop stars glamourising drug taking, now legal highs, its overwhelming, thats why I reimforced my point so vociferously about educating your child and having parental responsibilty. People on this thread are entitled to their opinion and I accept it, but some are plain vile and nasty. You meet that in every walk of life.

Yes, but you must have to deal with defensive attitudes and denial more than most of us.

Mismelo- why do you insist on repeating the same point over and over and over? You have made this thread all about getting your voice heard. Because people dont agree with you, does not mean they havent understood you. Saying it again and again will not change any thing.

You have completed detracted from the OP- this is not the audience for your advice/ drivel (delete as you see appropriate). She was not asking how she could have stopped this happening (which is completely academic and besides the point). She wants to talk about what is happening NOW as a result of his drug use.

you need to acquire some tact. Step aside

That certainly is sad missmelo, and actually that's the point quite a number of people have made. If you want what you consider to be good and useful advice to be taken on board, it's essential that you find a way to do it that

Glad you like my name mrsgmh.

I have lurked on MN for months but actually felt very strongly about this and joined so that I could add my opinion.

I also took exception to your comment a page or so ago that 'would a grade A student really be tempted' - this appears that you think that only less intelligent kids get into drugs. It has nothing to do with intelligence and more to do with personality.

As someone said further back - kids are given a very mixed message about drugs - schools and youth workers tend to give a how to do drugs safely message rather than just say no. Maybe this is part of the problem - if we at home are saying one thing and other places are saying something else, then no wonder kids are confused.

mrsgmhopkins - do you have any bright ideas of how that should be done then? The excellent "erm - get them off it" advice I mean?

Cotedazur, I'm not living in a bubble, I know drugs exist, I know what they do but we can't be victims to them at all times, we must at least do all we can, be as proactive as possible in our own personal war on drugs. I'm all too aware of the frightening and realistic statistics, that doesn't mean that drugs have to claim another childs life (I'm speaking, not soley about a life clained by drug use but about it pervading their life to the extent where they cannot function without the drugs). I'm encouraging people to do, all they can to try to prevent their child from dabbling with drugs in the first place, arm them with knowledge. If their child is involved with drugs draw all the resources available to them to help. I don't think the outcome will be a drug free society where our children won't have to interact with drugs, but perhaps they will be more equipped to deal with the situations that they find themselves in.
Practically, for those affected by drugs, the best thing we can all do is to change our attitudes as a society, we recognise that its a problem that doesn't discriminate across age, gender, race, socio-econominc background and also realise that drug users are not bad people, just very often sad or mad.

OK lets try to get back on track.
This thread is not about MM, AF or anyone else for that matter - even though I suspect that they would both like that to be the case.
There is increasing evidence in the scientific world that addiction and addictive behavour may be related to a genetic predisposition. My question is - when we can screen for these people which will be soon - what can we do to stop this predisposition from occurring. i.e If we can identify those that are likely to be addicts how can we stop them?

I'm not hijacking this post at all, nor am I continually trying to have my voice heard/stress my opinion, I am responding to posts referencing me, of which there are plenty.
If the advice I give winds people up, so be it. Its actually valuable advice, this is a public forum where people can have an opinion. If people don't want to be upset or wound up about something, that was not at all meant to do that, then perhaps people shouldn't engage in interactions with others.

what about my question

But what valuable advice have you actually given?

Most of what you have said is common sense and every parent that I know has had plenty of talks with their kids about drugs, alcohol, sex etc. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't.

missmelo - I think the problem you're not getting here is that you leapt straight in and judged the OP without waiting for a response. You keep saying you just asked a question but in fact you asked a question, didn't wait for a response, then made an extremely judgemental comment:

'13? That is a child. I'm sure the OP is devastated, what a life for her son, but at 13 its the parents responsibilty, not police, legislators, schools, drugs workers to ensure her child is safe. Everyone has a part to play for sure in drug prevention, authorities etc but the responsibilty for that boy starting with cannabis lies at home. Full stop.'

All before the OP had a chance to respond.

I don't believe a qualified drugs worker would use this kind of approach and if they did, re-training should be considered as it's not useful or helpful. May I suggest you try listening to people?

It strikes me as odd that during the course of the thread you've moved from talking about pushers at the school gates to saying friends may provide drugs. I'm surprised you hadn't encountered this phenomenon before in your personal or professional life.

My brother has OCD and self-medicates with cannabis just to give himself some relief. Maybe if such tendencies (eg OCD and other mental health issues) were identified early in life and did not have such a stigma attached, people could be treated with CBT and other therapies including drugs that are less harmful than cannabis, and alcohol, and all the other things we use to blot out life.

Hi Elburrosinnombre I wish this thread wasn't a back and forth between me and other posters who think I'm being a bitch. I really think its counter productive to people actually having a grown up, adult discussion about something that is so very important. Its hard to bow out when there is such misunderstanding about my original posts and then such vitirol about any opinions I have.
I also think that regardless of the genetic disposition towards addiction, its mainly environment that determines the outcome.

That was for ElBurro.

Pelvicfloorsofsteel, I highlighted the pushers at school as an extreme example of how drugs permeate every aspect of a childs life, and its not uncommon and 'grangehill' as had been said by another poster, its all too common. Nothing is sacred.
I've already explained fully why I questioned OP about her child and drugs. Refer to my earlier posts.
I do listen to people, everyday, thats where my experience and advice comes from.

You haven't listened here, the OP asked for space to let off steam, not what she should have done a decade ago.

OP also said she wished cannabis was banned, it is, in the U.K. at least. I wondered how she had such a lack of knowledge about something that had caused havoc in her life. I now realise she may have meant 'banned' as in didn't exist. Don't expect members of a forum not to comment on a public thread, thats what the notion of a thread is for.