My son and cannabis

[LynAnn]

Really just letting off steam this damn drug. Has taken my son away, started at 13 and the habit grew and he slowly disappeared. Meddled with other drugs had two kids hit and mental abused me his ex partner and now his current partner. He now has pure ocd (bad thoughts) severe paranoia and anxiety. And has pushed every one away from him. He has no one. He hates me I know as he tells me this but sometimes I can see the old son. But it is hard to want him near me I love him but I dont like what he has become.
This drug is a menace andshould be banned.

no, I don't think I am

you are entitled to your opinion, though

missmelo, my post at 18:58 is actually very helpful to you

if you would only listen < shrugs >

calling someone a bitch and a twat does IMO involve slanging

I agree 100% with AF.

Missmellow - apart from your 'talking to your children and explaining the dangers and consequences of taking drugs' - which I'm sure all the parents here have done repeatedly. With some teenagers this will work and others it won't - what else do you suggest?

I don't think that you have been attacked - in fact, considering the patronising way you have spoken to some genuinely heartbroken mothers, I think you have got off very likely.

Another one here to dispute that AF is in the minority - although I think you already know that.

It doesn't matter who is in a minority - we all have the right to say what we want on here regardless of whether you agree. Why do you think you are the sole arbiters of what is right and wrong - all views are equally valid. What is wrong IMO is to insult, bully and abuse people whoi do not share your opinion.

But Mayblossombitch (delightful username, btw), you appear to have joined Mumsnet for the sole purpose of attacking Missmello.

missmelo - Even if (especially if) you work with drug addicts, I find your attitude of "Parents must be neglectful if their 13 year old uses drugs" to be shockingly ignorant - I feel that you don't realize how widespread drug use is, how prevalent and "normal" it is these days. Cannabis is everywhere. Even harder drugs are everywhere.

A 13 year old teenager is a "child" only in the legal sense of the world. Biologically, he has matured. His hormones are pumped up to the max, his judgement is clouded, he is sexually functional, and he genuinely believes that he is invincible. Parents could watch him with beady eyes 23 hours of the day, and he would manage to meet a girl and/or try drugs in the remaining hour. In short, YANBU to blame OP for his DS's drug use.

As a parent of a 13 year old I would say that he is a child in every sense of the word.

Mary - you have not been called a bad mother by MM. She has in her cackhanded way tried to be supportive from what I can tell - reread her posts. On th eother hand MM has been called a bitch and a twat.

"cackhanded"

that's a very generous way to phrase it since we are talking about people's lives here

I would rather call one person a bitch or a twat where I feel it is justified than with ignorance and no justification at all imply that a whole bunch of parents have failed in their duty

Maryz - Have you considered the possibility at your DS might be (is probably) addicted to nicotine? When he tries to stop, it is normal that he would have withdrawal symptoms like irritability and aggressiveness. Next time he wishes to stop, it would be an idea to treat him for nicotine withdrawal.

Also, if he is used to smoking cannabis before bed every night, he can have insomnia when he quits because he will be used to zonking off to sleep. Find him some non-addictive sleep aid like old-school sleep-inducing antihistamines.

The irony is AF that you object so strongly to people being judgemental.

Except when it is you.

do you mean on this thread alone, ElBurro ?

or in general ?

I have commented specifically on the posts and posters on this thread

are you taking it wider ?

I have never understood the idea of "grounding" teenagers. I understand that this thread is about drug use, but thinking of parents being responsible for their teenagers' behaviour and actions generally: how does "grounding" work? How can it, if the teenager is tall enough to reach a door handle? If all the sensible talking and good examples and loving discipline still results in a bolshy teenager who does something stupid and dangerous enough to result in a sanction then surely the response to grounding would be: "What do you mean, I'm not going out? Watch me!".

Missmelo's posts have really wound me up too. Like others I suspect that a parent of teenagers would not probably not use the tone, and possibly not the same arguments that s/he has done. My ds are now adults and thankfully there were never any issues with drug use. I don't put this down to my great parenting though. I can absolutely see how difficult it would have been to stop teenagers doing what they had decided they were going to do - however bad it was for them. I witnessed it amongst other teenagers with great parents - where one child went off the rails, but others didn't. I believe (but don't know for certain) that standing in my dd's way would have led her to rebel against me, so I side-stepped and and picked my battles. I was just really, really lucky that her choices have on the whole not done her too much harm. We all do what we can. Yes, we are responsible for our children, but as Maryz says, this does NOT mean we can always control what they do.

The only possible similarity (and perhaps a path worth exploring) has been that some of those who have gone off the rails have been somehow "different". That is, they have found learning in a mainstream way troublesome - sometimes because they are very bright or have some other SEN. It could just be a coincidence amongst those young people I have encountered.

Mners, my advice, opinion and reinforcement of both has clearly made people upset, this is an online forum, people air their opinions. I will say it again, I am not being judgemental. As a member of society in which we all live, I too have a vested interest in drugs, how kids are exposed to drugs etc. LynAnn aired her views in the public domain, I feel deeply for LynAnn, I do and I've told her. She comes across as a lady who has done everything she can. I have every entitlement to query how her child got into drugs at 13 when she puts it on a public forum, the name of this thread isn't 'support groups' its my son and cannabis. My first instinct was to empathise and secondly to ask how he got into it. It wasn't made clear.
Some people will go on and decide that its ok to call me a bitch and a twat etc etc because of my opinions, I wouldn't lower myself, when you sling dirt like that you lose ground and only show yourself up for what you truly are regardless of 'majority' support. This isn't even close to what this thread was about.

I wonder why the originator of this thread hasn't been back since 10:53 last night

could you shed any light on that, MM ?

And no mayblossombich I haven't gotten off lightly as you suggest, gotten off for what? Giving sensible advice and not pandering to the whim of the 'popular' opinion. Do MNers not know that I encounter heartbroken parents regularly? Of course I do, I see the pain, the anguish it causes. Do you think its better to treat someone only when a problem arises or use preventative measures to do all you can to make sure it never happens? Maye you are 110% clued up about drugs and kids and responsible parenting, but not evryone else is. I'm giving advice based on my professional and personal experience.
And if anyone thinks I'm belittling or making parents feel small well I'm not, so get over that for a start. I also see these people I see the real pain and imo advice ios whats paramount. If this were a support group etc I could see your point, its not, its a public forum about children and cannabis.

I don't live with her AnyFucker, can't tell you. How would you assume I would know?