The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

BB

I remember going into the docs the day after they first showed the Omen movie on the telly, told the receptionist my DOB and she visibly jumped As my older twin do you have all the sixes? I have three, and an upside down one (9).

Yep, that's a hard one to laugh off the 99th time isn't it? I still get it now and that film is yonks old. I guess it must be even worse for those born in 1966.

The other one I get is D-Day, I don't mind that because I remember my grandad being so proud that I was a D-day baby (though not the actual one I hasten to add!)
I am going to be 50 I think I feel OK about it - at least I am not worrying about the state of my liver or suffering a stroke or something anymore.

Yeah, I get the D-day stuff too but only from the older generation.

50! do you have big plans?

I have absolutely no plans at all. I'm hoping dh might surprise me with something, but it'll probably be a long wait He has remembered though because he mentioned it tonight, so I suppose I should be grateful for that

Not having a party, just a family get together, but looking forward to it, just hope the weather cheers up, but it never rains on our burthday does it? I really only remember one or two rainy birthdays, so fingers crossed.

I don't remember rain on our birthday, no, but...! I do remember it snowing one year I was quite young and I grew up in Newcastle right oop north where it can snow at the most inappropriate times. Including once in June

Sorry about the shocking spelling mistake, I am 'dahn sahth', so never witnessed snow in June.
Off to bed now, ready for work tomorrow, so laters... (as the young folk say)
have a good week.
BBx

Day 3. Just called into work - my last day of leave - but no-one answering yet. I felt suddenly queasy and anxious and tempted to start checking emails on my blackberry but didn't. There are times when I really dislike my job but I know I am very lucky to be in employment. I just wish I had the confidence sometimes to try something different but in the current climate now is not the time.

I'm a 66 baby too

Feel a bit physically unwell too - not surprised as stuffed myself with not very nice duck and pancakes from the local chinese.

Not for breakfast - last night I meant

JWN

happy birthday! I knew you could do it.

So, here's the speech - my present to you ...

Sobriety (at least as I understand it) is all about one day at a time. We all know that. Nevertheless ...

When you have your first sober anniversary it is extremely special - because now you know, 100%, that you have done everything once and not drunk on it. Christmas, , new year, birthday, anniversary, anniversary of the relationships that DIDN'T work out, first day back at school (for those with kids), summer holidays - you've done it all. And you haven't needed to drink. Of course, there will always be SOMETHING - new job, family upheaval, argument, unexpected visitor, dead gerbil - but you are now on a level pegging with the normal folk. Hopefully, that will give you the confidence to continue on this journey and keep clocking up more sober days.

Congratulations again - it's true that we don't get sober alone, but nor does anyone else do it for us, so well done you.

S

morning miflaw and thank you!

you have been an enormous help to me over the last year - your sayings are indelibly engraved in my brain! - yes, i know im not god, i see the film through to the end etc etc - i have used them all at some time or other! i have also enjoyed the odd filrt with you you gorgeous man!!

just a quick sign of how things have moved on - this time last year i went to my first meeting, sat a cried and shook and snivvled - i have just had a text from my frriend asking me to chair the meeting tomorrow as she has the kids at home for half term! only 365 little old days, im honestly a very different person!

HAPPY VERY FIRST (BUT NOT LAST) SOBER BIRTHDAY JWN

You rock big time lady! All of this? All of these Babes? We're all here because of YOU! Well, you and my wonderful thread starting and linking skills!

You have done so very well to get this far, you've turned your entire life around.

YOU took back the control, YOU poured your heart out to us, shared you life with us, let us into your heart.

YOU have supported every single Babe at one point or another and YOU have NEVER given up on yourself, or on any of us.

YOU did 365 days, One Day At A Time.

Huge hugs and lots of love to you dear friend. You should be very proud of yourself, I know we all are. xx

Blimy Miflaw your good, I had to deal with a dead Gerbil this weekend!!! Is this a common occurance in recovery?

It's in the Big Book - "His Gerbil Died" in the stories at the back ...

JWN - congratulations and well done for taking control and getting your power back - brilliant work! I know it can be done :)

And, um, enjoy that upholstery class you've been invited to.

To JWN, Happy one year anniversary (for yesterday), all I can say is to echo the posts of the other Babes - you've been an inspiration because of the strength of your resolution, because of your vulnerability, because of your "FUCK THE FUCK OFF" phrase . Now is the time for looking forward, and enjoying every day to come.

To Thurso, Happy Birthday (for yesterday) - David Cassidy, mmmm - swoon. But have you seen any photos of him recently, something decidedly strange has happened - he looks all sort of OLD . How could that have happened, he must have been in a time-travel machine, because I know that I am just a few years older than I was when I had his poster on my wall, and I know that I DON'T have any grey hair or wrinkles. Honest.

venus, i have the same thoughts about DC, how come he looks so old?, a bit like david essex, i thought he was still young like me! he looks ancient on the eastenders trailers!

btw, dont tell my mum about me saying 'fuck', i'd get a slap for being common!

Evening, are there any AA attenders about?

I hope this is too garbled, I have half an hour to make a decision.

I had an arrangement to go to a specific meeting tonight with my sponsor. It's a meeting I've been meaning to try for ages (it's women only). I can't usually go to this meeting because during term times I have choir on a tuesday and I was looking forward to it, if I don't go tonight it will be another 5 weeks or so until I'll be able to. Sponsor texts 45 minutes ago asking if we could go to a different meeting because she 'has some stuff going on' and needs to talk to someone who will be there. There is someone that goes to the meeting she suggested who I am not keen on seeing under any circumstances, as he is the brother of someone who attacked me years ago (he is in fact the partner of the person my sponsor wants to see, so odds on that he'll be there). The last time I went to this meeting he was there and I had a panic attack (had to leave the room for a while). I know he's not my attacker but being in the same room did seem to bring out some strong (unpleasant) feelings.

So, am I people pleasing by agreeing to go there with sponsor? should I blow her out and go to the women's only meeting alone? Could there by an ulterior motive to her wanting me to be in the same room as the brother of the man who attacked me?

I feel quite tearful about it. Stupid, isn't it! I'd appreciate any advice. If I'm to go to the women's only meeting I have to leave at 7.15, so I have until them to make up my mind.

*DON'T GO TO THE MEETING
DON'T GO TO THE MEETING UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

Sorry for shouting but I have been in a very, very similar set of circumstances myself. It terrified the daylights out of me. That is NOT what stopping drinking is all about. Being sober is about regaining self-confidence and power, treating yourself with compassion and NOT subjecting yourself to scary or humiliating experiences.

I feel very passionately about this. In another of my regular meetings a male old timer 13th stepped a female newbie, bought her alcohol round to her bedsit, and raped her repeatedly. There was a conspiracy of silence. The young woman's female sponsor destroyed some vital evidence and the whole thing was hushed up and not reported.

My first sponsor required I ring her every day at a certain time, attend the same meetings she did - 45 miles from my home - I had no transport - and close to hers - and disssuaded me from joining the gym as it would 'get in the way of your meetings.'

I know of two people with serious mental health problems to whom it was suggested that they stop taking their medication, as this was akin to relapse. One of them committed suicide shortly after.

There were also some very lovely people there - not unlike your good self I'm sure - but having attended meetings up and down the country for the ebst part of 8 years, I saw the same thing happening over and over and over again.

It's why, eventually, I researched AA's real success rates and thereby discovered a women's only abstinence programme, and got my arse into professional therapy to deal with my ishoos - wish I had done that years before rather than relying on the best efforts of well-meaning amateurs. The whole patriarchal, hierachical, love-bombing, break-you-down-and-build-you -up AA thing totally screwed up my head as badly as the drink did - and the scary thing was I didn't realise it for years.

Yes, I know, I have relapsed - and some may feel this disqulaifies me from comment. But I know differently. I certainly don't believe my brain needs washing or that I should stuff my mouth with cotton wool...

And finally, it's up to your sponsor to sort herself out, ffs.

Golly whatever the ins and outs of the effectiveness of AA in this instance and for this meeting do not put yourself in contact with someone who will make you feel bad, unhappy or unsafe. You can pull out by saying you are ill/ your cat has been sick/you don't want to and then go to the meeting where you do feel safe.

Realised we may have picked this up too late, come back and let us know you are OK when you get home please.

Shit.

Sorry Golly that there was no-one here to ask....... I think we need some sort of emergency phone number - PM'd to all the Babes?

Anyway - 4c4 is spot on and I hope with every part of my being that you DID'NT go to that meeting with your sponser. I'm really fucked off for you that she put you in that position in the first place.

WTF??

I'm pretty sure that her first priority should be YOU!?

I hope you are okay, as BB says, post when you are home xx

oh bugger it golly! - im so sorry that we wernt here!, i hope to god you didnt go to the meeting! 4c4 is absolutly right - becoming sober should be an empowering experience! PLEASE let us know you are ok?

4c4 - i can see exactly what you are saying about some people in AA, i too have met some total tits but i have to counter that by saying i have also met some wonderful, kind, sensitive and caring people who would in no way advocate the stopping of medication or the break-you-down-build-you-up thing - i think the problem is that the stronger willed, often pretty loony fringe seize upon a newcomer and try and impose their beliefs , it is a huge problem when you are so down and vulnerable!

as to an emergency number, that sounds like a good idea!

perhaps we could choose someone to collect the numbers (if you are willing to join the list!) then pm everyone on said list with all our numbers iyswim? no-one should feel compelled to give their number out (i appreciate that a lot of babes are here specifically for the internet anonimity!), then in a crisis we all have someone on the end of the phone - im quite happy to be the first one of us to put my number down! what do you all think?

That's what I thought too JWN. We need something.

I'm hppy to draw up a list of those happy to give there number out via PM? You know how much I like the admin work!

Sorry to post and run but I'm pooped. I'm happy to give my number as an emergency as I'm always around looking after Nemo so I can usually talk, at worst answer a text.

Be Brave Babes xxxxx

Golly - hope you are okay xx