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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Think husband left poo in the sink

103 replies

hmmcake · 02/05/2011 11:45

I'm having real troubles with hubby, we've been together 8 years now, married for 3 and we have a beautiful 8 month daughter that we had to go through ivf for. We have a lovely home with no mortgage and get by on hubbys part time job - I would like to return to work but hubby finds it very hard looking after the baby - and we'd both like another child so he'd rather I was a stay at home Mum. So by and large we're happy, but like everybody else we have baggage, and ours is from our mothers. His worked long hours in a hospital and spent all her spare time cleaning the house and arguing with his father, mine watched TV and dumped me in a childrens home. Obviously I want better for our children and I thought he did too but he's reacting really badly to the house having to be cleaner. The other week he left a piece of his own faeces - not the babys - in the bathroom sink. He's been making things go mouldy around the house since I made a fuss about things going mouldy and now 2 weeks after the poo incident, baby and I have diarrhoea after I woke up 3 nights ago having to throw up. I love my husband very much but that person's gone now and I'm wondering if we wouldn't be safer and happier without this pathetic child that's appeared in his place. What on earth do I do to fix this???

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 02/05/2011 11:48

If this is true your dh has mental health issues, please ask him to go his gp - perhaps you could go too and explain about the faeces.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 02/05/2011 11:49

leave.

BabyYoureAFirework · 02/05/2011 11:49

How, in the name of all that's holy, has he left a bit of his own faeces in the sink? How is he making things go mouldy?

I am confused

colditz · 02/05/2011 11:50

"I'm wondering if we wouldn't be safer and happier without this pathetic child that's appeared in his place."

yes you would,.

it appears that he does have mental health issues, but you cannot allow pity to blind you to a real need to get your baby away from him before he does something really dangerous.

Adair · 02/05/2011 11:51

Sounds horrible. Though I wouldn't think a little bit of poo in a sink would make anyone ill 2 weeks later.

Anyone who did this sort of thing would undoubtedly need some sort of help. A person who did this would need to go to the doctors and put some mental health care in place. If they were willing to do this, then i would support him.

Hope that helps anyone in this situation.

VivaLeBeaver · 02/05/2011 11:52

Did you ask him about the poo in the sink? What did he say?

ChristinedePizan · 02/05/2011 11:53

He pooed in the sink??

KatieMiddleton · 02/05/2011 11:53

Jaspants · 02/05/2011 11:55

Agree with Laurie - people do not behave like this normally

Vicky2011 · 02/05/2011 11:56

He needs to go, with you, to his GP as there are some serious MH issues there which you need to be sure are described fully to the doc. If he refuses I'm afraid you must leave.

GalaxyGuzzler · 02/05/2011 11:57

I would agree that it sounds like he has some kind of mental health problem, that is a very strange way to behave.
Speek to a gp or health professional. If he refuses to get help I would seriously be considering leaving.

Prunnhilda · 02/05/2011 12:08

Are you ok, OP? How are you getting on with the baby? Do you have a friend you could ask advice about this from? Honestly it sounds like this is a situation that needs real life input - how about if you ask your gp?
We're not really able to see the whole picture.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 12:16

not sure who has mental health issues here actually...im confused.

how does someone make something go mouldy?
how does someone cause D&V in his wife and baby?

you think this is deliberate behaviour from your husband?

but if my DH shit in the sink it would be curtains...
(assuming that is the case of course)

hairylights · 02/05/2011 12:24

did he actually shit in the sink and leave it there?

My ex used to pee in the basin (which was right next to the toilet) and he did have MH/control issues - I used to find it disgusting, but he did used to clean it out afterwards. I think it was pure laziness.

Original poster

hmmcake · 02/05/2011 12:28

Thanks Prunnhilda, I'm ok and the baby's wonderful. I thought about asking other people but I couldn't talk to someone about it, I wouldn't know what to say - hi, lovely wedding wasn't it, has your husband ever left a bit of his own poo in the sink? I sort of think I know what's happening, I think he feels 'no, I'm never going to live the way I had to live as a child' but in doing so he's turned back into a child and he's so wrapped up in himself he can't see the damage he's doing. And I just don't have time to wipe handles and light switches every time I want to use them in case he's got them dirty. I can't trust him to change the babys nappy or clothes or even to put her clothes away because I have to get them all back out again and put them on the airer to dry. And I just don't think anything much of him anymore because he whines on about me making work for myself doing laundry (who the fuck in the world has a baby and doesn't have to wash clothes?????) and chores, while he turns into a stupid big baby. I'd love to go to the doctor, but it's never that simple if you've been through the care system. If you got to them for help there's no guarantee they won't 'help' you by taking the baby off you. Maybe I should ask for marraige counselling?

OP posts:

tiredemma · 02/05/2011 12:28

How do you suspect that he has MH issues from the OP???

tiredemma · 02/05/2011 12:29

He just sounds like a lazy grubby oik.

Reality · 02/05/2011 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catsareevil · 02/05/2011 12:32

I think that you need to speak to someone in real life - if you feel like you would want to speak to your GP then you should - your history in the care system wont make them want to remove your baby.

hairylights · 02/05/2011 12:35

"If you got to them for help there's no guarantee they won't 'help' you by taking the baby off you"

Social Services only take babies away as a very last resort, in cases of extreme neglect, these days.

bbird1 · 02/05/2011 12:35

did it look like he had actually had a pap in the sink? or just cut some off and placed it in there IYKWIM?

Prunnhilda · 02/05/2011 12:35

No that's not how you ask a friend, you say 'I really need a bit of advice, what do you think about this?' and you explain the situation.

I don't understand about the care situation, so forgive me for pressing it, but do you have a nice GP at your surgery, maybe quite a maternal one? I think you need to be listened to.

GalaxyGuzzler · 02/05/2011 12:38

I have never had dealings with the care system but unless there is a issue with how YOU care for the baby then you should'nt need to worry about having the baby taken away if you seek help. if you are asking for help then surely the most logical course of action would be to have your husband removed (if that is deemed there is a real threat to you and the baby) you do need to face up to the problem though, I don't think it is likley to go away on it's own.

BigTuna · 02/05/2011 12:39

Hardandsleazy · 02/05/2011 12:44

Why do you feel need to wipe everywhere and re air clothes? Is it because dh generally being dirty and untidy ( as if sink exercise wasn't enough)?

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