Three months gone after break up

[forestfly]

First of all for everybody that knows my story i want to say thankyou for all the help i recieved. I honestly think that mumsnet helped me get through a very difficult time.I put the support i got from here as one of the positive things to come out of the situation. For any of you going through a break up or a bad situation use this, it helps so much. At some points i was full of despair not knowing which way to turn i was guided out of the darkness by the smallest of comments everything everybody wrote helped in some way. Thanks again and i will never forget you all xxxxxxxxx

To the pub to flirt my bum off! People keep trying to make me go on dates with people they know. But i refuse, would find it very wierd

Janh my sil doesn't seem to be mind being so very tall perhaps because her brother (my dh) is 6' 7" and sil's husband is 6' 8". I used to think I was tall (5' 7" till I walked down the street with that lot. Sil is very attractive and has fab long hair etc but yes she does have to be careful how she dresses. I think she gets stuff from LTS for formal wear but seems to manage to get long lengths from Next etc.

Oh I really hope you enjoy yourself.
i know what you mean about people trying to sort you out on a date but they are only trying to help.

Cheers Doormat i have a good feeling i will, you too whatever your up to

Rubbish Night packing away his stuff, even smelt his clothes but its done now

How are you doing FF? At least his stuff will go soon. I HATED it at first but having more space does help ...... not meant to be flippant, but we never had enough wardrobe space anyway.

Hello Sykes, hows your weekend? My little boy is going to see a child psychologist, he has changed so much lately. He hits and punches me throws things around, screams when i drop him at school. I feel like i have know discipline over him anymore. Everything i try makes him worse, so im calling in the experts. X is just ignorant and distant, wont even look at me. Every time i discuss the kids he says what on earth have you been saying to them, you shouldnt mess with there heads. I dont sat anything apart from, of course Daddy loves you very much, hes just busy.

sorry about your little boys moods ff As time goes on maybe he will get better but x is contributing and not helping isnt he?-prat!

Did you have a nice night out btw?? hope you did!! lots of love

email me if you want

Thanks fio x. Had a goood night got too drunk, danced like a fool and chatted men up! Dont know what to do about x, perhaps him seeing them is doing more harm. Who knows? Hope you had a nice evening with h gagging for it

Cant access my email, someones installed a firewall on p.c. preventing me from accessing loads of sites

oh and he was aswell!! Glad you has a nice night is your email working now?

forest - really sorry about what you're going through. Got no good advice, you know what a state I'm in! Just keep your chin up, you're obviously doing all the right things and surely it will get better for you.

wobblyknickers hope it gets better for u 2. Fio you lucky lady

FF, how are you today? So sorry about your little boy, so horrid for him and so upsetting and worrying for you. Your p deserves a good shoeing, as Twinkie would say, not sure what it is though. At least you're getting some advice but am sure your p will think you're revelling in it and it's all a load of nonsense, if his last thoughts are anything to go by. Empathetic? Obviously not. Lots of luck and glad you had a good evening out.

ff, have you got your email sorted out yet?

No email, driving me mad!!!!!!

Im reading all the other threads on domestic violence and depression etc. and im starting to realise i dont know my mind anymore. I didnt realise until now how abusive my relationship really was until i read the link on another thread of what constitutes abuse. I could think of numerous occasions were i had been put down belittled hurt etc. and its starting to make me doubt my own sanity, why did i and do i love him so much. I never new why i had a sad knot in my stomach, if i was over sensitive and should get a grip or something was actually happening to destroy me. There are so many incidents i can think of now that werent right. But i still miss him, i suppose i was missing him before he left and always hoping he would come home in the right mood. I was in trouble if he didnt. But it was fantastic if he did, so i always felt guilty about focusing on the bad nights. He has many friends too and i always wondered why i only saw his bad side what was wrong with me to bring it out. My best friend died two years ago i held her all night after she had gone, i couldnt leave. After two days x told me to get on with it so i stopped grieving i thought i was being weak. A member of my family got raped and it was the same. When my son was having his heart operated on i was so used to putting it away that i just felt it was a dream. I was starting to become numb which meant i stopped talking about anything. This is all dawning on me now, things i have cancelled out. Nights when id have things thrown at me or called useless and pathetic. He punched my brother and my best friends boyfriend, we all forgave him, i wanted to help him. I thought he was beautifull inside,he is. Theres just this really angry person and i thought with enough love hed realise life was nothing to be angry at. I couldnt show him, it wasnt good enough, he left. So you see i have a lot of issues and im worried what a can of worms has been opened. Writing this even has made me think of things id forgotten and has made me cry. Dont know what my point is in all of this sorry for rambling, im just a bit scared of whats coming out!

FF, everything you say is so familiar to me, the sad knot in the stomach, the thinking he is a beautiful person inside and that you could love him into being the person you hoped.

You couldn't. Of course your love was good enough, but it was never going to make him change. He was awarded with love for being a b***d, so why would he change? As long as there are kind, loving, innocent hearts in this world who can see all the potential inside people like your ex, there will be abusive relationships like this.

You didn't do anything wrong. Your love was good enough and one day it will be received joyfully and returned in full measure by someone who feels like you do. Don't settle for anything less.

Grieve for your friend and all the rotten things you have been told to bottle up - now. Your friends on mumsnet are here to help you through it. Air your feelings now, don't keep them hidden any more and make yourself ill.

I wish id not started this i was feeling fine, now i feel really depressed.I have just brought wine on a tuesday and cant stop crying thinking about everything. Why do people tell you to face stuff it makes you feel like crap! I miss my friend, and him etc. i want to stop feeling sorry for myself !

There are bound to be times when you feel sad, sounds like he has made you repress your sad feelings plenty of times. This way you can do that grieving and begin to walk the path to healing. I think you should go with the flow.

Thanks janstar you always know what to say hope you are doing alright

could you set aside a time to be sad, to grieve for your friend and your relationship and all the hurt you suffered? It sounds like you got into a habit of soldiering on and maybe giving yourself some special time will get past that. I'm sure you'll find a way forward

Message withdrawn

I think that is a lovely message Twinkie, thanks for writing it. Its nice to know people can relate to what your saying, and your not a nut nut. This is definetly like therapy, i cant believe life gets so complicated! Im ok today just facing a lot of demons