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Original poster

Conjugal rights in marriage

151 replies

kismet1 · 27/04/2011 09:32

Apologies if this is a bit heavy in the morning but I need to ask seomeone... Am I unresaonable to think that it is not on to be groped while asleep? DH thinks its ok but I think I slept better when the kids (now 6 and 4) were waking me every few hours

OP posts:
HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 27/04/2011 14:24

kismet - can I ask again - what do you want the outcome of this situation to be? And how do you see yourselves getting to that outcome if he won't listen to you?

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 14:59

You are being deprived of sleep because this selfish twat can't keep his hands to himself ?

why are you, and some of the other women on this thread, making excuses for that ?

he knows exactly what he is doing, drink or no drink

I despair, I really do

what a perfect fucking example of "boys will be boys, , they can't help their urges, can they?" Hmm

OP, you sound like a martyr and a doormat, seriously, man up and tell him to fuck off to the spare room until he starts to respect your body as your own

Huffythetantrumslayer · 27/04/2011 15:41

Op dp And I have had sex a handful of times since ds was born. I'm not well and very often tired. There is NO way he would grope me while I was asleep in the hopes that he'd get lucky. You need to make it clear that touching you while you are asleep and waking you is not on and it needs to stop. No ifs or buts. It stops. If it doesn't then you do has problems. If nothing else it shows a basic lack of respect for your feelings and your body.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/04/2011 16:40

Diggs raised another good point - as this strategy isn't working in terms of him getting to have an orgasm using your body, what is he getting out of it that he keeps repeating it?

Dropdeadfred · 27/04/2011 16:42

He's doing it because sometimes it dies work. I'm nog excusing his selfish behaviour I just don't think it's helpful or necessary to view all inconsiderate men as potential rapists

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 16:43

he gets a wife who doesn't know her arse from her elbow due to sleep deprivation

and control of course, the inference being that he can do what he likes when he likes and she is powerless to stop him

as seems to be the case here

zikes · 27/04/2011 16:43

I'd ban him from the bedroom when drunk and possibly for all nights apart from sex-nights, tbh. His behaviour is unacceptable and I also don't think he forgets: he either wants to cause fights consciously/subconsciously or thinks his 'rights' come before yours.

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 16:45

I didn't mention the word rapist

and I would class an "inconsiderate" man as one who left his wet towel on the floor

deliberately depriving his wife of sleep (that well-known torture tactic) is something else, and it ain't pretty

zikes · 27/04/2011 17:07

Kismet, it's not normal to me that sex would cause discomfort or pain regularly. Obviously good that he stops when you say so, but are you not aroused when he starts? Are you having sex when you don't really want to, to keep the peace?

Dropdeadfred · 27/04/2011 17:10

Royalfucker - sorry my comment wasn't directed at you. I k ow you haven't inferred rape. I do agree that inconsiderate doesn't really cover it.... But OP - what does your dh actually say? Is he claiming to be sleep himself ? What are his explanations for why he continues?

worthless · 27/04/2011 17:11

I get groped regularly in the middle of the night and then get called alsorts of names when I don't respond.....we have BIG marital problems though and not had meaningful sex for months.....I give in every week or so and it is crap.....for me and for H so why does he bother? Is he that fuelled by testosterone? Or is he a bully?is he a control freak? A narcisist? Or does he love me that much that he just has to "have me" ? I have no idea but it is horrible to live like this........do not know the answer sorry........in a way just wish we could send some men like this to the vets iykwim

Dropdeadfred · 27/04/2011 17:13

Worthless Sad- that sounds awful! Especially the abuse!

zikes · 27/04/2011 17:20

One thing I'm pretty sure of, worth, it's not your 'love' reason. That's not love.

worthless · 27/04/2011 17:22

yes it's horrible...my H says that I am his wife and he is my husband and that married people have sex that is what they do! Our probs started after DC 3 really. Usual story I was knackered most of the time. 3 kids, a job etc plus a H who regularly told me to shut up and just get on with things as that is what wives and mothers do didn't exactly help our love life......non existent now as months of verbal abuse worn me down....love all but gone really.....very sad for both of us. I am dead inside now so sex is dead too

hairylights · 27/04/2011 17:22

worthless that was me in my marriage :( I eventually left and am now in a lovely relationship where sex is not about bargaining, nagging, groping or power.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/04/2011 17:49

Wothless: YOUR H IS FULL OF SHIT! He is NOT entitled to fuck on your body just because he went through a marriage ceremony with you, you are a human being and it is not at all unreasonable that you don't want sex with somone who mistreats you.
I am sorry to hear you are still with this waste of oxygen.

Dropdeadfred: why do you thnk men are entitled to fuck their wives' unwilling bodies and the wives should just put up with it? Even though I agree with you that it is miserable to live with a partner who will not have sex with you, raping the partner is not an acceptable option. Leaving the marriage is a much better one. No one is entitled in any way, shape or form to sexual contact with an unwilling person, because no one is olbiged to accept sexual contact they do not want..

Anniegetyourgun · 27/04/2011 18:20

Worthless, we've been through this before. He IS a control freak, and if he loved you so much he "had to" then he wouldn't call you those horrible names. Loving people includes wanting to make them happy, not wanting to make yourself happy using them. SGB is too kind in saying he's full of shit; he IS shit.

BeeMyBaby · 27/04/2011 18:46

dropdeadfred - re being asleep when doing this, I saw a documentary on that a while back - men claiming to have been asleep and not realising they were doing this to their wives, gf's or sometimes even random women.

Dropdeadfred · 27/04/2011 18:48

Beemybaby - were they telling the truth???

Dropdeadfred · 27/04/2011 18:50

SCGB - I have never said that the op should have sex when she doesn't want to. I just don't think a husband trying it on ( and backing off if told to) is a crime

badgirl101 · 27/04/2011 19:38

It's called sexsomnia, I saw that documentary, too. The guys were actually asleep though.

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 19:41

"trying it on" just doesn't compute for me

it has no place in my marriage

"trying it on" is something that spotty 15yo boys do with their equally spotty 15yo gf's

my husband and I don't do that to each other, we have mutually-consensual sex

anything else is just not acceptable, and being woken in the middle of the night, when it's been made clear you are not interested, to be a spunk receptacle shouldn't be a part of anyone's relationship

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 19:42

do women practice that "sexsomnia" bollocks ?

badgirl101 · 27/04/2011 19:47

Apparantly yes, women can have the condition.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_sex

badgirl101 · 27/04/2011 19:48

Sorry, I take it you can't post links.