Think DH may have had an emotional affair

[yellowbrickroad]

There was a woman on my DH's FB page that was constantly posting him messages and liking his photos / comments, always within seconds of him posting. Something about it made me uncomfortable so I asked him to put a stop to it.

He told me he'd messaged her saying it was a bit inappropriate. Then, last night we were sat together (around 11pm) and he got a message. The only reason I saw the name was because his phone was on the sofa between us.

It was her. I didn't even know she had his number. I made him show me the message and it said 'guess you've been busy today, goodnight babe xxx'

I asked him to explain and he said he met her through work a couple of years ago (now at a different job) and that they text every now and then.

I was upset and went to bed. Then I started thinking that about that text and decided I wanted to see the message he sent her on FB. My issue with it is that the text says to me that she was expecting to hear from him and that there's a certain level of familiarity between them, neither or which fit with what he's told me.

When I asked him to show me the message on FB he said no. I said he had to show me or leave & he packed a bag!

Eventually he went to show me but said his messages must have been deleted as he has removed her as a friend.

Also, whilst he was refusing to show me the FB message he said it wasn't because he had anything to hide, but because I was being 'irrational'

To put this into context we've been together 12 years, have 2 kids. We've had our ups and downs but everything has been pretty great these past 2 years. I would've said we're very happy and very much in love.

I'm hurt and confused by all this and would really appreciate another opinion.

Bleeding..unfortunately many of us have been in the same boat as it were and sadly..it seems time and time again that a partner (male or female) will follow a certain script if they are behaving in a way contraditory to a monogomous relationship.

my H who I asked to move out..moved back in then moved out again..followed this script..I was most definitely not going to put up with such behaviour.
I bought Shirley Glass's book Not Just Friends which gave me a very good insight into the EA that my H had. I do beleive that you can re build your marriage after an affair, but only if there is total transparency from the unfaithful partner and a commitment to re building trust etc. My H couldnt do that, stayed in contact with OW, so got his marching orders

OP- I unfortunately found out that my H had an affair a month ago and it was only these lovely ladies on here telling me that they suspected something was going on that finally convinced me to do some digging. Low and behold he was having a physical affair for the past 9 months. I never ever thought in a million years my H would do this as I thought he wasn't the type.

If there are people on here telling you that something might be going on then I would listen to them. It is an absolutely awful thing to happen and I wish you luck as I know how hard it is to think that the person you love has done this to you. I have only started travelling this awful road and have a long way to go but you need to start hearing the truth. I wish you luck.

Hope you are doing ok yellow, You don't have to be friends with someone on FB to send them a message, could you be brave enough to send a message to the ow to get the truth. I suspected an ex was doing this a few years ago and he continually denied it telling me I was crazy and that he loved me and would never do that to me. Finally too many things just didn't add up so I contact ow and asked her out right. She told me the truth, which although horrible to hear was what I needed.

FWIW - when I suspected my dh and a friend of mine and they were both denying it I felt like my insides had been ripped out and the pain was physical. I couldn't stop crying and shaking. If your instinct is that you are being lied to, then sometimes you do need to force a confrontation to get to the truth. It hurts like hell. Luckily my dh wasn't as arrogant as Yellow's dh and I got there in the end. He was incredibly naive and she was very manipulative. Keep going Yellow, you know how you feel and what you believe.

Hello Yellow. How are things now, have you made any progress?