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Original poster

Well it's Friday so a sex question TMI

139 replies

changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 07:43

I am a regular who has name changed for this as I am so embarrassed.

I am divorced. XH was crap in bed - never made any effort to make me orgasm, just used my body for what he needed.

In 20 years of being together I could count the number of times he made me cum on the fingers of one hand, literally.

I now have a lovely DP and everything in that department is much better Grin

But there's always a but

I can let DP bring me "off" with fingers, but he wants to go down on me and I can't let him because the one and only time XH did it he said I tasted disgusting and he wouldn't go near that area again.

Blush Blush and I can't believe I just typed that.

Anyway, the thing is, how do I get over this in my head is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 12:00
Blush

If you ever figure out who I am FOR GODS SAKE DONT OUT ME

OP posts:
boxingHelena · 22/04/2011 12:02

just touch yourself and taste it !
I am sure its fine
I second what everybody said about useless EX
Toy boy you said? you lucky girl :-)

BertieBotts · 22/04/2011 12:04

What about trying a 69, maybe? That way you have something else to distract you from the thoughts of "OMG what if this is horrible for him??" Doing it with both of you lying on your sides is a bit less daunting the first time.

FanjoForTheMusic · 22/04/2011 12:08

faced with the whole shebang

Excellent discussion for a Bank Holiday lunchtime. Bravo OP!

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 12:08

Grin @ useless EX. He was. On so many levels.

I was such an idiot

I have a lot of good ideas to think about ladies. Thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Kimberjem · 22/04/2011 12:20

just to say, really don't think mentioning what your ex said is a good idea, firstly, it gives credence to what is clearly utter rubbish, secondly, it will put more pressure on you to discuss it. I just say, lie back and enjoy!!

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 12:23

I don't want to open the whole can of worms about what was so shite with the exH.

He knows some of what happened but not all and I don't think it would be helpful to dissect the relationship with my ex or to talk a lot about it, because it would seem like comparing IYSWIM?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 22/04/2011 12:28

I know what you mean and I've had similar thoughts about whether to discuss incidents that happened with XP with my DP now. But I think with such a damaging relationship you do need to debrief almost, and it can actually help your current partner to know why you might have certain issues, so they can react accordingly.

If you haven't had counselling, that can really help too, just to work through your own thoughts.

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 12:37

Thing is, he is already of the opinion that my exH is a knob. Smile

He's been a friend of ours for a long time, so he knows some of the backstory and has actually seen exH in action so to speak.

OP posts:
Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 12:42

I had thought of counselling too, but I'd be too embarrassed to mention most of this in front of a real live person. And I wouldn't know where to find someone who would specialise in weird sex problems counselling.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 22/04/2011 13:13

You could look for someone who specialises in psychosexual therapy, a good place to start would be www.bacp.co.uk/.

I don't think discussing this with your DP would be a bad thing - it's NOT going to change his opinion of you at all. He'll probably surprise you by being even more understanding. I know I felt really bad about (unconsciously) comparing XP and DP in certain situations, but he actually said to me it's natural to compare past and current experience, and with such a damaging relationship, it's going to colour every area of your life. He will already understand this if he saw how your XH was.

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 13:46

Thanks for that Bertie - will have a look.

I supposed I'm worried that DP will think I'm weird or something oh I don't know

OP posts:
Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 13:50

suppose not supposed.

OP posts:
mumof4sons · 22/04/2011 14:06

Just wanted to let you know that the Cosmopolitan magazine website has some great sex tips and all your questions will be answered. It has given me ideas to try.

I have recently started an intimate relationship with a new man after being married for 20 years. It was scary but wonderfully exciting too. Forget what the ex said, time for you to find out what you like and experiment. Your man will love you for it. And if he is really into you, he won't mind taking it easy. He will want you to enjoy the experience as much as he is.

Malificence · 22/04/2011 14:10

You get much better sex tips and advice here than in Cosmo. Wink

kp71 · 22/04/2011 14:33

If you're worried he's going to find the taste unpleasant, you could get him to try this.

My ex used to like it if i put a little bit of toothpaste on her clit. Made it kind of tingly for her... and your tongue gets nice and clean!

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 14:35

How the FECK do I say "Oh er excuse me but see before you go down there my exH used to say I tasted disgusting. Just so as you know before you ahem get to it"

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 22/04/2011 14:40

Let him do it you lucky thing! Grin

Dh won't do it or let me do it to him Sad.

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 14:43

Oh he lets it do it to me and I like doing it Blush

But if he starts to head south (ahem) I distract him.

But he's been asking well he was when we were sexting and I kind of would like him to and it obviously matters to him, it's something he wants to do.

But what if exH is right?

Oh I don't know. And he's coming round tonight (pardon the pun lol)

OP posts:
kp71 · 22/04/2011 14:47

Do you talk during the deed? Do you tell him what you like and he tells you what he likes? Wait 'til he says he wants to go down (you said in your first post he's already told you he wants to go down on you) and tell him how you feel.

btw the toothpaste thing works on guys as well.

fridakahlo · 22/04/2011 14:58

Don't get drunk, you want to be able to remember the experience! I think the bath/shower is a good idea, as well as talking to him about why you might have hang ups about it.
Don't know if anyone else has experienced this but I find eating curry/garlic things like that changes the way I my fanjo smells and tastes.

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 15:09

I could maybe tell him by text ? Rather than face to face where I will die of embarrassment

We do talk during the deed - everything he does is lovely, it's so different to with exH he is really "into" making sure I'm happy with what he's doing and that I'm satisfied.

And that I found very strange at first - the idea that he wanted me to orgasm before he would even consider penetration. I come first he says (bad pun but it made me laugh)

OP posts:
kp71 · 22/04/2011 15:13

If you think that having a shower/bath together will make you more relaxed about the whole thing, then that would seem to be the best thing to do.

Original poster
changingmynameagain · 22/04/2011 15:15

KP - yeah maybe, he likes washing my hair in the bath

He's very very touchy feely and incredibly gentle and patient and I don't know

OP posts:
kp71 · 22/04/2011 15:18

Carefuk now, or you'll go off before he gets thereWink