Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

Hope solicitor is useful tomorrow.

Exactly Dozer. Now it's all spray tans, limos and gawd knows what else. Well my DD will be arriving in the family car (i can put disco lights in if necessary).

She tells me her D is "strapped for cash at the moment". No - really? can't think why. surely the shiny new life hasn't begun to tarnish already?

Ah - got it. WWIFN advised i could expect even more manipulation via DC's now i am sporting invisible but very effective force-field (aliens have their uses you know - don't knock them).

I'm with you on the prom bandwagon. Its gained a momentum all of its own these last few years and the pressure to spend and have the perfect outfit seems to have become another challenge for parents - how do you keep them within a budget while they tell you all their friends are allowed to do whatever they want.

My first times with proms have been with my DS, so I have got off lightly... not so sure what I'll be saying when it is my DD!

The manipulation coming from your STBXH is so predictable its almost boring. But it should help you to realise that you are infinitely brighter than him and are outwitting him faster than he can think up his next sob story. I know that is small comfort to you as his musings make you feel like shit. He doesn't really know who you are, he is seeing a person he thinks he knew... he should have gone to Specsavers!!

Remember that its not about sweating the small stuff... its about seeing through his desperately dull attempts to wrong foot you and staying on a steady path of sticking with your instincts and carving out your own future - without him. He can take the fact that you are actually moving on without him. He hadn't clocked that you would be so strong.

May the Force continue to be with you...

• can't take the fact

Silly ex-h.

I feel sorry for the teens now, esp girls - too much pressure to look good.

Thank God the aliens gave you back! Nice of them to take you for a 'force field' fitting, but they could have let us know!!

WSTBXH is as predictable as the next man :) We You can stay a step ahead of him! I hope you said to DD 'Gee - now that's a suprise! Not!'

How old is this drop dead gorgeous coach?? Single??

She's such a typical teen I hope she finds something when she's out with her friend. Try to like it!! LOL

Yes the kids were lovely, thought the wee baby girl now has conjunctivitus and guess who has a sore eye tonight :( She was very poorly and needed lots of cuddles and I wasn't as careful as I should have been not to touch her then to touch me - so looks like I might be the next one at the chemist for drops! Bugger :(

Right - one eye chip is off to bed!

The prom stuff is a right royal pain, I agree. My DD has a strict budget, and has no option but to stick to it. I worked with an auxillary nurse last year who was in loads of debt. But, listen up girls - she spent over £1,000 on her daughter's prom! What a silly woman. Hired designer dress, but bought Jimmy Choo shoes, spray tan, hair extensions, professional manicure, hired a roller for her and her friends. Told us all and thought we'd all be so impressed - we just thought how sad!! When my eldest DS went to his prom a couple of years ago, he borrowed a tux, and that was that. But one girl's dad arranged for her to arrive in a helicopter!! It's mad. I made do with a school disco in the local scouts hut, in my Chelsea Girl frock, had a crafty fag and snog with a spotty David Cassidy lookalike (well he had the hair) round the back of the hut!! And a bop to Mud's Tiger Feet!! Those were the days. The thing is it's so competitive between the girls who go to proms, then the girls mums all get competitive, and the money gets out of control. Stupid.

Keep firm and stick by your resolutions WUM: he's predictable, and doing just as the others said he would. Let it go in one ear and out the other.

I'm starting my own divorce proceedings next week - can't wait! X

Saffy, I must have been at that Scout Hut Disco too! Dancing to Tiger Feet!! Only I was wearing a fetching tank top and had a feather cut... ( oh the shame)

Hello

I'm up and enjoying a coffee and a quiet house (until the rush starts). Am joining colleague today to co-work with him, bit anxious because we are working in a place where everyone knows us, (and the news is out) but WSTBXH shouldn't be there today.

Just in case though, will think very carefully about my outfit -damn shoes haven't arrived yet, but they'll have their moment, I promise.
Also seeing sol too.

The prom, oh the fecking prom. Will give a budget and stick to it. Have mad weekend coming up - DM still in hosp but improving, out to dinner Sat night, Sunday watching DD play semi-final, mate coming round to eat, etc.

"The manipulation coming from your STBXH is so predictable its almost boring. But it should help you to realise that you are infinitely brighter than him and are outwitting him faster than he can think up his next sob story".

Yes Alldownhill. Got it in one. I am brighteryet not vindictive, not calculating (although I can calculate his thinking), not bitter, not desperate, not heartbroken (any more). All the couples therapy we had together has served me well to deal with this now plus the amazing support and advice here (which in many ways is better actually).

So as the manipulation (in whatever guise) develops I will adjust my responses accordingly.

Sorry to hear you have a sore eye Chipping. That conjunctivitis is sooo bloody virulent. Absolutely no sanding until it's gone (that's the ex nurse in me, sorry). Afraid coach is married, but can still appreciate his good looks!

"Tiger feet, feather cuts and tank-tops". We are in the same era! I loved all that but was especially a fan of David Bowie and Roxy Music (Bryan Ferry, swoon swoon SWOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!)

Right the rush is on. DD up and attem.

Will catch up later.

have a good day y'all.

xxx

I hope it goes OK today - hold your head up, he's the twat! I know it's hard though x Take a hankie for all of those 'Sorry I heard your news hugs' x

Really - no sanding till it's gone?? If I haven't got it I might go over again later!!!! Just joking.... It is a bit uncomfortable and scratchy but it could be because I'm tired (and keep fiddling with it)... will have to wait and see.

Shame about the coach, but still... nice bit of eye candy is no bad thing!!

'See' you tonight!!
x

A lot of people say "I'm sorry" when I give marital status as Divorced. I tell them not to say that, I worked hard for that divorce and I'm proud of it!

You will be the same. Some things just have to be done.

Just time for a quickie (!).

Chipping DO NOT FIDDLE WITH THE EYE

laters.......
x

Lucky you!

Trying hard not to! Hadn't thought about it until someone mentioned it - now it's itchy! LOL

Good afternoon. Have come home loaded down with work stuff which will stay in a neat pile until i can face them.

Meeting with Sol - the first thing he said was "oh my goodness Wisey, you look like a different woman, how lovely it is to see you smiling - what's your secret"? (we all know it's you)
Really productive meeting. Need to find photo and whereabouts of WSTBXH so the process server can ambush wanker at the most inopportune moment serve the papers.

Have purchased pencil skirt and gorgeous top to go with 'fuck-you' stilletos. hang the expense at the moment it will be worth it to see his face.

How's the itching Chips? Hope you made it to the chemist.

The 'kick arse' attitude obviously suits you ...helped completely by the new skirt and shoes!!!

I'D like to see his face too!!

That's right Migrating - his face will find an expression its never known before!

Its not only the sassy look which will floor him, remember that a high percentage of personal communications is by body language. Wisey's new-found confidence and simultaneous disgust at his behaviour will be right up there socking it to him with the skirt and shoes!

Wisey - what a lovely thing for your Sol to have said! I hope you didn't tell him it was a mad bunch of women who live in your study - he might have you sectioned!!

LOL - need to find a photo of WSTBXH - can you mount it on a 'Not Wanted' poster?? I hope they find him & serve him somewhere that will make him uncomfortable (golf/tennis club).

Ooooh a pencil skirt & gorgeous top to go with the killer heels!! Well done you. I used to love pencil skirts - sadly now they look like 'slighty melted & squashed crayon' skirts! I can't wait for you to rock up in that!! Any chance of a hidden camera??? Pleeeeease??

I have been very good and not itched - trying not to think about it. It hasn't got any worse (and touch wood) there's no 'gunk' so maybe I've just rubbed/scratched it a bit - we'll have to see (arf arf arf).

Just got back from a pointless waste of time meeting which was 40 minutes drive away - grrrrr mutter mutter mutter waste of a bloody afternoon mutter mutter mutter

Also meant to say that your sol's appointment seems to have given you some strength. Hang onto that when you are feeling low.

How do you go about getting a photo of his place? Do you have to pose as an estate agent and carry a clipboard? Seriously though, if the house has been sold and been on a website, you might be able to print it out.

Doh! you meant photo of him?

crawls back under bush...

I also have to provide a description - I had to sit on the urge to say "Well that's easy, just look for a knob with limbs attached".

I'll have to fight the urge to grind my stilleto into the photo, thereby defacing the image but there are others!

My plan is to have him served at work, just before one of his terribly 'important' meetings.

Here's a question though. My sol asked me if I have enough money to live on. I've since emailed him about that because it's all relative - and whilst i can cover bills with a bit left over, I told sol that i can't put anything by for any other stuff including our meetings. I am now paying more than he was a month except the mortgage and i am doing it on two thirds less income! will all get sorted i know and i'm not going to do my usual weekend worry thing.

Glad the eye isn't playing up Chipping. hope it stays that way.

sadly now they look like 'slighty melted & squashed crayon' skirts! at Chipping!!!!

"Well that's easy, just look for a knob with limbs attached". its the humour on this thread that I am really enjoying

"Well that's easy, just look for a knob with limbs attached". You should have - I think your Sol would have appreciated it!! OR 'He'll be difficult to find - he's so far up his own arse!'

...'but there are others'.... Oh yes there are!!!

Great - served at work - perfect!!

I hope you told your Sol that you are also bearing the brunt of ALL of DD's expenses. When does he think you can get the financial stuff sorted out. Has WSTBXH put any money into your account?? It is his daugher too and his asset that needs upkeeping (for now!!).

The eye feels a bit like it has a small sty on the bottom outside corner - can't see anything and will try not to fiddle. I am taking you at your word though and I'm not sanding Might self medicate with a soon!

Not sure if AllDown will be allowed one though!!

Migrating - pleased to be of service!! On that basis I may even stop going to the gym and even trying to find the figure I had that could wear pencil skirt without them looking like the crayons had taken over!

Well you gotta cos the alternative, well.......

Dunno when the finances will get sorted. First thing is that he will email WSTBXW (no typo) telling him the name of the mediator (who happens to be friend of sol) and inviting him to assessment meeting before we decide whether mediation is a goer. I can use sol as much as I wish in this, taking back proposals, thinking of my own etc.
Sol didn't sound hopeful about this though and also talked about just going to court because once papers are served the settlement takes precedence. So even if he avoids the divorce, we have to settle.

It's my guess that WSTBXW is angling for this but remains ignorant of the fact that this is still going to cost him plenty.

This is all symptomatic of there being no brain cells in a knob - unless some biology teacher can tell us different, of course.

I feel a bit like Jo Brand in the early days.

Pencil skirts that resemble melted squashed crayons - you should be writing a column somewhere Chips.