Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support

Oh Starting, how awful for you to go through court things again. I do think you're right though to go through with it, for all the reasons you have mentioned above.
Those 3 phases are very true Patience. I really think that a lot of our exes go through the first 2 phases to try and sweeten us up in order that we might accept the shit they are pouring onto us. When it doesn't work, we see their true colours. Thing is, we are all very strong and intelligent. Our only weaknees was that we fell in love because we all have very big, generous hearts. One day we will all find someone who loves the fact we have such open hearts because they have too x

Btw, I've 12 pages of emails from the fishy place now!! The entertainment of the other evening has worn off at this stage . Cannot motivate myself as while one or two are perhaps ok most just do not do it for me.......Also just can't find the enthuasism atm to glam myself up to go on a date with a possible weirdo.......

x post Starting. Oh no, I would never go back to him. I loved him very much, I still love him really but looking back he made me so miserable. He only wants me now because he hasn't got me and it's a challenge again. And he is very very full of shit but has no actions to match the words. I'm so much happier without him. I'm enjoying being happy because I'm happy not because a man is saying nice things to me. It's a great feeling of liberation. And thanks for the compliment about the pics. I can assure you I don't look like a teenager. But I look like a survivor and I've earned every libe on my face, so I'm proud :) We all should be. At the do last night, one of our teaching assistants was having a great time, she's 46, she looks bloody great, she had a fab dress on, was dancing and giggling. What few people knew is tha last year her now ex husband tried to kill her in front of her 11 year old youngest daughter by repeatedly bashing her head off a radiator in their house. After 25 years of domestic abuse, she left him as this was the final straw and she said she didn't want her daughter to witness anymore violence, as her two grown up daughters had seen it all when they were growing up. I went up to her and whispered that I was in awe of her positivity and she whispered "We're strong women Googs, strong women" It made me proud to be a woman I can tell you :)

12 pages - lordy be woman!

Ah Goo that story about your friend brought tears to my eyes. Probably because my dd is 11 & up to the age of 8 would have known a v happy home with no fighting. Suddenly overnight (when I discovered infidelity) she witnessed her daddy turn into a frightening violent man who would scream & smash up the house in temper .

Glad to hear your not softening to exbf, he doesn't deserve you . You did look radiant though & certainly not anything close to your real age, your hiding those lines well

Oh that's awful Starting. At least now he is not in the house and your dd is getting peace at home. My exh was also very aggressive and I'm glad my boys do not see his aggression towards me on a daily basis. They would have grown up thinking that it was the normality to speak to and treat women like shite.
BTW I know what you mean about not being able to summon up energy for dating. Me neither. Just quite enjoying a hassle free existence at moment. I've finally reached some sort of point of serentiy 3 years after my divorce.
My school friend managed to drive, with her daughter, over 4 hours to her mum's house after the attack during the night, where she was immediately taken to hospital with a fractured skull. How she managed that I will never know, bless her.

Oh dear god goo that's awful reading that about your friend. She certainly deserves to find happiness after coming through all that. Tbh even before the violence there was other stuff with my xh that used to make me concerned about him being a good role model for dc's. It's one of the good things about being separated i.e. that xh will be less of a role model (hopefully anyway). Glad you've reached serenity at last. I'm coming up to 3 yrs in a few months to when I first separated & oh god I find the past year has been great in that I've totally healed . It took me so long to process what had happened, to get to the truth & worst of all it took ages to stop loving him. I'm free, thank god!!

Think when i was living with my X ,the final 6 mths was just a downwards spiral,if he hadn't left ,lord knows what would have happened re DV.
Can't look backwards,my sad days are grieving what could be with the charming good looking bloke I fell in love with,but alas he is an arse.
He can use every excuse,alcoholism,depression,midlife crisis,but all shite !
All lies and all his own choice.
I would love to share my life with a decent bloke but never accepting a selfish bloke again,learnt that lesson x

I always knew this was going to be the most painful thing I've ever done in my life ,a complete fecking rebuild,but I always had faith that if I improved my self esteem and stayed true to myself ,I would reap what I sowed.Life is a gift,we have a right to shine ,soon I will leave all the negative vibes behind me ,doesn't matter how long it takes ,staying positive and thinking forwards is the only way I know to improve my life x

Great post Patience and you have certainly helped me so much to realise that a total rebuild is what's necessary x Your strength inspires me love

All about breaking the patterns others enforced upon me ,once u have the guts to trust ur instincts ur on ur way to independence.bit wobbily to start with but the more u trust urself the better it gets.

Just to say X is meant to be here at 10am ,his big thing is never being late,just for his kids.

Oh God, dad of the year strikes again. Good luck love. Lots of love x
That quote you put up here ages ago about breaking the chains that bind you really helped me

Ok stinking of drink ,shouting and yelling at me at my front door.door was closed btw but all the neighbours are now aware he thinks I'm a fucking twat.

Morning Ladies,

Your all doing brilliant, they (X's) might have thought they would break us but bit by bit we are building and shaping new lives for ourselves without them and i dare say we will have much much better lives without them as we have our DC and really thats worth more than they could ever earn or all the lie in's in the world

Well i am happy, happy, happy this morning :o
Nearly everytime i go out we go to a particular pub for 1 and i had noticed a bloke there that everytime he saw me would look for a little longer than he should, well last night we were spending the evening in this paticular pub as there was a ska artist on and the entire night he was watching me, everytime i looked at him he was looking so i decided to try and let him know i was interested, lots of eye contact, plenty of smiles and i could see he was dying to talk to me but he was with his mates and i was with my mum
Towards the end of the night i was trying to think of where i could get a pen to give him my number when he came and stood near me and mum, she commented to me that he had been watching me all night but didnt mention that she had seen me watching him, next thing she started chatting to him and invited him to another pub we were going to, when we got there it was decided we were going to someones house for drinks and he decided to tag along, now i have to point out these people are mums friends, they are embarressing and dont hold back with their comments so i was dreading it slightly, not really the best way to get to know someone with so many eyes on you
Anyway, he was chatty and everyone really liked him, he stood next to me and slipped his arm round my waist, kept asking if i was ok and told me he had liked me for months but had been too shy to come say hello (if you saw him shy would be the last word you would use to describe him)
He had ditched his mates in favour of coming with me even though he knew he would be going home alone (i would never have left mum) and he was a real gent
When it was time to go to the cab office (3am) he walked us there cuddling me to keep me warm, we exchanged numbers and a little kiss, 5 minutes of the cab dropping him off he had text me to say how beautiful i was and how lovely and he really liked me and wanted to get to know me better :o
Ladies i have not stopped smiling since, i actually woke up smiling
SD has already said that he will babysit if i want to go out with him one evening so am looking forward to hearing from him and arranging something
I was definately in my comfort zone last night and it has made me feel really good, also we have friends in common and a lot of people in our area know him so i have people who i can ask about what he's like and dont have to worry so much that something might happen (obviously i will still be on my guard but not as much as if i met a complete stranger)

I think the thing that has made me sooo happy is that i have had my first kiss since splitting with X and didnt feel guilty or anything like that and i actually found this man sexually attractive, something which has bothered me for a while is that i just wasnt attracted to any men in that way and it was starting to worry me that maybe i wasn't actually over him yet but apparently i am :o :o

sorry for long post and detailed description of events but i wont have anyone else to tell this to :o

Keep shaking those chains googs.

Oh FFS patience, is there anyway you can either do 3rd party drop off or in a public place in future?

That really isnt on and why should you take any abuse in your own home, the man wants a bloody good slap!!

Oh sov very xciting,I feel this will be a summer of love for many dumplings x.
Need to get my butt out to Glasgow and widen my horizons.

Yep just texted him ,said I would pick kids up elsewhere tonite sov.
Kids happier getting picked up at house but totally unacceptable.He is an arse.Threw Ds bike against my front door .

Oh Patience - how bloody shite. Glad you are picking kids up elsewhere later.
OOOh Sov - woo hoo! How lovely - a real life man who has fancied you for ages! You go girl - you don't need the internet and you don't need to worry about your ladygarden, cos he sounds fabbydooooo! SO pleased for you mate :)

I dream of 3rd party drop offs sov,
Lovely step dad in flash motor dropping kids off ,then coming home to me is a bit of a fantasy i have for future Sundays.

Patience, am glad you are picking them up elsewhere that he threw DS's bike, there is just no need for it and i hope your fantasy can one day be a reality, you deserve it :)

Goo, thank you :o am so chuffed lol, as for my ladygarden, last night when i was thinking how i could quite happily rip his clothes off there an then the state of that paticular area was the furthest thing from my mind [dirty laugh emoticon] :o

If nothing else i may be able to give the old RR a break!! lmao

You see Sov - when someone is right for you, these things matter not! Woo hoo! Summer lovin'!

LOL sov,i think even my RR thinks its time i had real sex !

ps not angry or sad today ,its just so fucking predictable .The drink thing is so disrespectful to my kids.Just sad my kids have to be lab rats b4 visits can stop.