What do your parents disapprove of about you?

[LynetteScavo]

My mother disapproves of me drinking alcohol.

She disapproves of me doing the RICA course. (even thought she doesn't know I'm doing it and thinks it's just me chatting with the priest in the presbytery -she is very anti Catholic, but would never admit it)

She disapproves of me staying up late (after 10 pm, even though she is seldom in bed before midnight, if not 1am)

She disapproves (nay, is shocked, so she tells me) of me giving my DC drinks whenever they say they are thirsty. Because in her day, you only got something if you were competing in sport, and that was only a thin piece of orange to suck on.

my mother disapproves of me . period

I am 46. I have only just stopped caring

that I am (actually that should say we are but somehow 'he' never gets mentioned in all of this) am raising our daughter vegetarian until she can make up her own mind (he eats meat and so therefore must have been pushed into it, making it all my fault you see)

that my husband is 13 years older than me, making him closer to her in age than me

that we co-slept with our daughter (and will do again if we have another baby)

that I still breastfeed her at 19 months and have no intention of stopping until she is ready

that i am 'too soft' with her

but on the whole I think she likes me, though god knows why, I am pretty miserable around her most of the time!

b-feeding past 6 months. co-sleeping.

Living 200 miles away.

Lots of things about (my v lovely) dh (more so since they realised that I wasn't going to move nearer home when we had kids). Most recently my dad was v rude to dh because dh had bought a new tv (the old one is 10 years old). Constant negativity about him when he's not around.

Think they would secretly be happy if dh and i split up and i had to move closer to them.

That I don't "just tell" dh that he should/shouldn't do things (since, clearly, he is irrational and just needs to see the light).

That we're "too soft" on dd1, but also "cruel" for not giving her lots of chocolate.

That I "do too much" in the week, eg outings, socialising with other mums.

My parents are pretty supportive of everything I do. They don't really 'get' the fact that I have a cleaner and my desire to go and work abroad/ travel is incomprehensible to my Father (who doesn't even like venturing into the neighbouring UK country).

The people who disapprove of me frantically and make me feel like a total failure are my paternal grandparents. My failings are:

1. I'm not a 'proper' member of my profession because I'm still in training. Apparently.
2. I'm still in training despite being qualified for many years. To those who understand my profession this is normal especially as I have a very focussed, narrow career aim. Only a few of my peers are 'fully' qualified. To them it indicates a huge character flaw and perhaps that I am crap at my job (I'm not).
3. I don't have a permanent job (because I change jobs frequently as I'm still training).
4. I'm about to go on a very prestigious international fellowship in my specialist area of professional interest. This is a bad thing and indicates yet more the instability of my life. 5)I bought a flat in town instead of a nice semi with a garden and garage
5. I cycle a lot instead of driving places so often arrive at their house in fluoro yellow and not a nice twinset....
6. I didn't buy a BMW so they can't boast to their friends Instead I have a very dull, non premium marque fuel efficient car.
7. I'm not married and don't have children

I"m not alone. My brother is also a failure in their eyes for similar reasons, my sister (who is 8 years younger) is their beacon of hope.

It really pisses me off. They supported us in our early endeavours to establish our careers, live independently etc but suddenly now I've breached 30 I'm meant to forget all that I've worked so hard for and find some nice man and become a 1950s housewife...... GRRRRR.

You really would think that with a doctor and two other professionals as grandchildren they would be happy. Alas no.

My dad doesn't really let on about these things. Possibly he disapproves of my tattoos. On the whole I suspect he feels so guilty about all the fucked-up shit that's happened in our family that he's happy for me to have reached adulthood with most of my sanity intact.

My stepmum probably thinks I have low cleaning standards although she has mellowed a lot in the last five years and isn't the OCD harpy she was when I lived there.

My nan seems to disapprove of the fact that I don't ring her every day and/or live in her house, but that's only because she loves me and adores DH and DS.

My mother disapproves of the fact that I grew up. She can't help it! I was in her good books for about five years, 25 years ago.

My father disapproves of my failure to finish my doctorate, visit weekly, idolise my mother, and be a submissive wife. Ironically, he also disapproves that I am not more relaxed...

My Mother - not much really, not anything she is open about anyway :) She's v.supportive even though we didn't always see eye-to-eye when I was younger. Lucky for me I have a DSis who gave her hell & is now married to a total fuckwit a not very nice person, so she adores DP.

My Father - probably that I consider my DstepF as my Dad & unborn DC's Grandad as he raised me from 18mo & has always treated me as his daughter. Also, after me constantly being the one to ever make any effort to speak to / see him I gave up aged 14 & haven't spoken to him since.

My mother disapproved of a lot of things about me - housekeeping standards, gap yah in a squat, breastfeeding dd til 3.5 years, having two children in the first place, giving up my sensible vocational course, living for five years with a VERY difficult man with whom I had the classic tempestuous violent relationship with lots of sex :), any sign of interest in sex, actually, come to think of it, my liking for gourmet food. And we fought every time we saw each other for more than a day. We got on all right on the phone, and we did really love each other, and we also talked well and had a lot in common. She's been dead for two years - cancer, she was 84 - and I, my friends, wish to God I'd shut up a lot more often. I KNOW how cliched this is, but if your mum likes cheese flavoured with wasabi and serves you the same, my advice is to SHUT UP about it. One day she will be dead and you will be ab;e to remember your time together with pleasure. Only the big stuff is worth a row.

ooh got quite a list (although is not just my parents who dissaprove of me, MIL is pretty bed for it too!)

1. I sometimes have a drink once little 'uns are in bed
2. I don't hit the kids
3. I don't spend enough time on housework
4. I still have a little baby weight left over (youngest is 11 months!)
5. That my partner and I are not married yet
6. My daughter wears trousers and jeans rather than dresses :o

Everything and nothing.

She contradicts herself all the time, depending on which way the wind is blowing.

I no longer listen, and "yes mum, no mum" my way through these moods.

open dislike, pursed lips normally or a scrunched up face generally signify, and now i no longer speak to siblings, i don't get to hear how crap i am from them, so there is a sliver lining.

think top of list

• dh and i showing any kind of affection, even our wedding day was punctuated with sotto voice stop holding hands, people are looking
• not caring people are looking
• loving my dh and sharing everything with him. apparently i should have secrets to annoy him and keep him unedr control....
• getting married at over 30
• not marrying who she picked when i was 21
• refusing to go back to long term bf who had long term unknown to me affair with married woman- i found out and left- she said i shld stay, in fact beg him to come back(!) as i had been with him so long no one else would have me
• bf in my own house WHEN SHE IS THERE

-having morning sickness- apparently this is a made up sickness by pregnant women to show off having friends and not sharing info with her -leaving home as soon as i could -not buying in to pretending my dad wasn't a violent alcholic gambler all my childhood by pretending i had a perfect childhood. this really is denial.

bitter? moi?

They disapproved of me being able to breathe.

i'm a grandmother...but my mother has never approved of me...since i drew breathe...now just arrived at the...'i'm not bothered stage'.. its a weight lifted..phew!

I've been reading a few of these (some very sad) posts and just realised that I disapprove of practically everything my parents have ever done, said, bought, thought, expressed, not expressed...
So I guess we are even

For those of you who have now arrived at the 'I'm not bothered stage' - how long does it take to get there please?

I'm 31 and if it takes much longer I'm going to buy shares in a tissue factory and Galaxy. Might as well make some money out of it!

Mum:
That I don't cook a meal for DH every night (or make that ever!)
That I want to go back to work (DSs both at school now)

Dad:
That I am (not massively) overweight!!! and he never lets me forget it

It's a funny one, isn't it? I am an only child who is somehow not the favourite child - my mum continually 'adopts' other women my age as her surrogate daughter, and then compares me to them (obviously I am deeply inferior) It's been going on since I was a teenager. I'm 35 now, and I can honestly say that since having DD I just can't bring myself to get upset about it anymore.

that i'm either too slim or too big - i can never win, my weight goes up and down
that i don't cook (even though they don't exactly...veggies or out of tin and that's it!)
that i would spend money on ANYTHING non essential when i am on a low income
My fiance does not drive (that's my fault how, exactly?!)

She tells me I am constantly like her and then cites all of my shortcomings. I point out to her that if I'm THAT bad then it sure doesn't say too much about her.

My body has had it.....this she's been telling me pretty much since I was 21.

My weight goes up and down (and it's VERY bad for me).
No matter what I do, I have no patience, look like my dad when I'm cross or tired, don't have enough "get up and go", am socially inept, can't cook (actually, she's correct about that one), should push myself more, am not aggressive enough in getting what my son (disabled) needs (despite getting him a Statement/Blue Badge/DLA/Mobility/Outreach worker). Fuck me, the list just goes on and on and on.....

Oh and my knees apparently, have "had it". I must only wear below knee skirts for the sake of the rest of mankind.

I love her and.....I can't stand her.

baroness- the i'm not bothered stage is not about time its about state of mind. living a long way away helps, as does limiting any info you give- its just a stick to beat you with. only be 10 mins on the phone, and you ring her if possible- just a quick call to see how you are.... always go to her so you can leave. i'm afraid once i said after a particularly nasty comment, i am off now, i've driven a long way and if you can't be civil, I have to leave. then i said so, please be nice to me, and after a deadly silence she changed the subject and that was that.

oh, and after contact do soemthing nice, ie already have a nice magazine to read, or a dvd you want to watch, anything to cheer you up. you can also control the conversation-keep to a list in your head and don't let her get on high horses.

i know most poeple are very lucky and have lovely mums, but some of us don't and its a way of keeping contact going at least

phew!

i always feel it hits home on 'Mothers Day' that some mums are actually quite nice..that must be lovely!
i think a lot of it ladies...is that mum is jealous of seeing her past youth..in you! and i bet some of you ...have great dads? that would get your mum going....
i agree its a state of mind ..not an age thing..just wish MY mind had decided years ago...

I am very very lucky with my parents. There only concern is that I am happy. Some things I do though don't elicit disapproval, but confusion. The day we had soup for lunch and I heated it up in the microwave instead of a saucepan Mum's face was a picture. It isn't the way she does it and therefore was just too odd to contemplate!

3 things helped me get to the 'not bothered' stage with my mum:

• Getting older (I'm 36)
• Having children of my own
• Dh reminding me that 'she is absolutely barking, you know' .