What do your parents disapprove of about you?

[LynetteScavo]

My mother disapproves of me drinking alcohol.

She disapproves of me doing the RICA course. (even thought she doesn't know I'm doing it and thinks it's just me chatting with the priest in the presbytery -she is very anti Catholic, but would never admit it)

She disapproves of me staying up late (after 10 pm, even though she is seldom in bed before midnight, if not 1am)

She disapproves (nay, is shocked, so she tells me) of me giving my DC drinks whenever they say they are thirsty. Because in her day, you only got something if you were competing in sport, and that was only a thin piece of orange to suck on.

Oh, and Rhinestone - I get the aggressive thing as well!

Me: Mum, I really don't think that I can come over on that date / that the curtains need washing / that I need to take more exercise

Mum: You're so AGGRESSIVE. I've no idea where you get it from."

Me: "No, I'm really not, mum, but..."

Mum: "There you are! you're doing it again!"

Me: "Well, I'm sorry you think that, but..."

Mum: "Why do you have to ruin EVERYTHING? It's really upsetting."

Blank silence as I do a chilish shrug (I am 31!)

Mum: "isn't it lovely we have such a nice relationship that we can have nice chats about things? I was saying to so and so at the golf club..." etc.

sigh

It's infuriating isn't it. I'm actually quite about it as I've been told that ever since I was young, i.e. a child. No idea why, I was a bit of a tomboy but I NEVER had a scrap with anyone, not a single time. And I was never naughty or spiteful to other children or a bully or had tantrums or threw things etc - but it was always said to me in response to me sticking up for myself, often in response to my father being a controlling arse.

But I remember being told that I couldn't watch the Dukes of Hazard as I was already too agressive.

Chilish? I meant childish!

I wasn't even a tomboy and was very quiet and bookish at school, and was badly bullied - I have no idea why either.

at the Dukes of Hazzard - I hope you now have it on DVD

Nothing that she tells me about...but probably loads!!

My MIL on the other hand.......

the fact we dont cut the grass twice a week,

the fact our house isnt always immaculate

mother doesnt like that fact im a sahm

That I have a voluntary job, and not a paid job
(Dad)

My parents were not judgmental of their large family

The fact that my boys do housework and cooking, because "it's a woman's job." Simultaneously, the fact that the girls don't do "enough" to help (they do plenty!)

MIL was horrified that I wanted DH with me in labour.

I don't know. Probably my tattoos although I imagine she is over that by now. If there were anything else she wouldn't say. Having had a very disapproving mother herself she prides herself on 'not interfering' She probably disapproves of the fact I don't have a proper pension. And I suspect she might disapprove of a few more thing once DD1 is born, (I am not sure what she will say about DD1's first festival for example and I am not sure she is too keen on me having a HB) But again I doubt I will ever know about it.

Sounds like I am very lucky compared to a lot of you!

My mum mildly criticises my life but I honestly think it's because she's jealous. She worked full time and my dad was made redundant when we were little but he did very little around the house and they were always short of money. I know she found this really hard so when she hears about me being a SAHM and about DH doing a lot of housework her reaction comes across as critical but I know it's because she wishes she had had that situation when were little. I try to be charitable about it although it does get on my nerves and to be fair to her she's turned things around for herself in the past few years. Rather than commenting on how often DH and I go out for dinner (once every two weeks at most - before DS came along) she now forces my dad out the door every so often for a meal. She's also made my two freeloading sisters who still live at home do more housework.

I think the martyr "you should be looking after DH" attitude is very much a hangover from the older generation and mums who criticise daughters for not "looking after" their DHs more just can't believe that there is any other way of doing things. To admit that they slaved for years when it wasn't necessary must be hard. They convinced themselves that was the way things should be but now that we're challenging that they find it difficult to accept.

Ten yers ago I would have described my Mum as super critical ,she was critical of my choice of career, my husband ,and then off my divorce ,critical of how I parented the kids (too strict).Critical off not returning home for her to look after me after said divorce (lived in another country)She had this incredibly annoying phrase 'if I were you..... add annoying judgmental remark'

however,I stuck to my guns in a quiet smile and nod kind of way,now she couldn't be prouder of her independent, working, single mother daughter ,I think this is because althouugh she disapproved of my choices(very different from hers)She adores my kids, and I think she now believes that because of my lovely kids that I must be doing something right.

Bizarrely I think she respects me more for always being independent and am the only one of my six siblings,that didn't bend to her iron will!!We are the best of freinds now and it is nice to finally enjoy her.I think now some of the disapproval was fear , and ,as my daughter gets older I can understand that more.

Oh, I forgot;DM disapporves that I don't read the Guardian.

But she saves the family section for me on a Saturday. I don't even bother to try and explain if I wanted to read it on t'internet I could.

Delia - no! I am sure that you are not fat and ugly, and no one should even suggest that to you! You mustn't think that of yourself either.

I think we could so with a mother swap - any SAHM out there who would like a mother who disapproves of working outside the home? I must warn you that she disapproves of breast feeding when science has produced something so much better, and doesn't beleive in responding to the needs of small children because "you are only making a rod for your own back!". In return I'm looking for a new mum who gets in that it takes 2 to pay a mortgage, and that there aren't enough hours in the day to make a new cover for the sofa (even if the day were twice as long!).

Jynxed - my mum is different she is very ro BF and sahm she has good points

my mum is one of those mums who wanted a pretty daughter and coz I'm not she's disapointed my sister is disabled so her hope lied with me and I failed that hope.

Delia - pretty is for little girls, grown women are all attractive in their own way. I do not believe you are ugly, I believe you are self critical. The major thing that I hold against my mother is that her constant sniping and criticism has left me with a permanent voice in my head saying how bad I am at everything. Sounds like you have something similar about your looks and you need a few people telling you otherwise!

My mother:

That I colour my hair.
That I blow-dry my hair.
That I wear make-up, sometimes lots of it.
That I wear loud, pretty, sparkly jewellery instead of a couple of 'discrete, tasteful pieces'.
My tattoo.
That I am training to be a social worker.
That I don't attempt to tell my 21 year-old twin sons how to spend their money, when to change their beds, and that I let their gfs sleep in their rooms.
That I get on well with my ex-husband.
That I sometimes use ready meals. Ditto pizza. Ditto take-aways.
That I have just bought a black car (wtf?)
That I have lots of cats.

She did disapprove of me for being fat, but I have lost weight so now she just disapproves of how I did it (eating less and going to the gym, apparently I shouldn't need to go to the gym, I should just have willpower and eat waaaaay less).

I have concluded that I serve a purpose in providing her with something to disapprove of, and that she probably approves of the fact that she can disapprove of so much about me. Sometimes I have a little giggle about that.

:o

LOL thing she's right but I suppose looks arent everything

thankyou jynxed yeah its shocking how many people have gripe on here

When I was in my 20's my father went mad when he saw me wearing nail varnish on my fingernails. It had such an impact on me, that even to this day (20 years on) I don't wear nail varnish on my fingers and sadly my dad is no longer with us.

TSC I think we may well be related...your parents sound like mine!!!!

My aunt is the worst...she was married for over 20 years to a violent drunk. Finally got an annulment (devout catholic) and has spent every moment since my dc were born (8 years ago) telling me what I am going wrong. (i.e. everything)

One of these days when she starts on about what I am doing wrong this time and how she did it I swear I will say
"yeah? and how did that work out for you???2

Spending too long on the internet.

I think this is a very good thread for all those people who think that can tell their DCs what to think-proof it doesn't work!

My mum:
DH (though she'd never let on.)
DH's family (she lets on all the time.)

His mum:
That we live in the 'inner city'.
That DS goes to school with lots of 'foreigners'.

That I became a single parent (husband and I split up)
That I had a social life whilst being a single parent
That I met someone and am really happy
That I continued my education and have attained an hons degree
That my son isn't her son
That my daughter is young and pretty

What makes her happy

I have got really fat (used to be a size 8 now due to being settled and happy a size 16)

Do I care NO

DF- nothing i am a little angel
DM- HATES my tattoo and body piercing, thinks they are common, doesnt know i am having another tomorrow tee hee lol

Gosh I can't really think of much (though I think she probably stalks me on MN, hello mum!). I think she disapproved of me marrying an atheist, and of living with him for several years before marriage. But in general she is really over-the-top proud of me and my achievements (and is the proudest ever granny to 8.5 month old DS). It makes me realise that if I can be proud and accepting of whatever DS does with his life, that's one of the most important qualities of motherhood.

I'm in my mid 30's and have yet to put my finger on exactly what my mother disapproves of. I just know that I'm a general disappointment .