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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do your parents disapprove of about you?

174 replies

LynetteScavo · 07/04/2011 20:56

My mother disapproves of me drinking alcohol.

She disapproves of me doing the RICA course. (even thought she doesn't know I'm doing it and thinks it's just me chatting with the priest in the presbytery -she is very anti Catholic, but would never admit it)

She disapproves of me staying up late (after 10 pm, even though she is seldom in bed before midnight, if not 1am)

She disapproves (nay, is shocked, so she tells me) of me giving my DC drinks whenever they say they are thirsty. Because in her day, you only got something if you were competing in sport, and that was only a thin piece of orange to suck on.

OP posts:
ilovemyhens · 07/04/2011 23:02

My mother probably disapproves of the fact that I managed to escape from her nasty, controlling grip years ago and have managed to make a happy life for myself with a nice dh and dcs Grin

I also attend Catholic church which she never did approve of, so probably that as well Grin

AnnieLobeseder · 07/04/2011 23:09

Many, many things. But mostly my tattoos. Heh heh!

She thinks my domestic skills are lacking. Which is true, but why should she get to criticise me, it's my house and she wouldn't dream of making similar comments to a friend. Anyway, she complains less now I have a cleaner.

She's not happy that I married a Jew, converted and am raising my DDs Jewish. She's "found god" in her old age and thinks I've broken Jesus' heart. Hmm

She also thinks I shouldn't go out to choir/karate two evenings a week but should stay home and look after DH. Snort!

PurpleLostPrincess · 07/04/2011 23:21

The clothes I wear.
The way I'm brutally honest with the DC's and talk about 'everything' - she is very private.
My (lack of) housework.
Xh and the fact that I'm still friends with his family...

She used to moan about these and lots of other subjects for years until a couple of years ago when I started standing up for myself and now she is much more respectful and supportive. Don't get me wrong, my parents have always been supportive, but they used to pick and choose what they approved of. We wouldn't be here without them, they have been there through the really difficult times and I love them for this.

Mamathulu · 07/04/2011 23:23

Just about everything -
-that I don't look after the house to her standards (she brought me up from 8, so can't understand how a toddler can trash a room within minutes, nor how having a newborn might prevent one from keeping a house spick and span.)

  • that I didn't finish uni - despite being an instrumental teacher for 13 years & having a celebrity pupil. (Don't ask me who it is - I have to protect their privacy!)
  • that I'm fat. She plays sports practically every day of the week.
  • that I dared to have 4 children.
  • that a chronic illness that causes me excruciating pain and to feel like I've been run over by a truck isn't treatable with a 'bit of fresh air and exercise'.
  • that I don't push my DC's to do things once they get to a breaking point & want to quit. Bear in mind this is after pursuing said hobby for years, not months or weeks.

I could go on but I won't because it bores even me.

MavisEnderby · 07/04/2011 23:24

Untidyness(dm) lack of organisation (dm) Being "too soft" on the dcs(dm)

df is pretty cool.

dm is lovely but worries too much.Mothers perogative I guess!

sshnapps · 07/04/2011 23:54

dont hit dds
dont let them eat shit
dont look at the prices when food shopping

Bearskinwoolies · 08/04/2011 00:36

My darling dad? Nowt, he's a sweetheart.
The woman who raised me? (not my birth or stepmother) - every thing I do or say.

Tis why I've seen or spoken to her since 2002; I value my sanity more than I value our 'relationship'.

farrowandballs · 08/04/2011 00:51

Knots in my hair
Knots in DS's hair
Scruffy clothes (me not kids)

but on the whole I feel like she thinks I'm pretty ace

piprabbit · 08/04/2011 02:06

Lynette, my mum also disapproves of people going around drinking water willynilly. She thinks it is faddy and just showing off. She doesn't believe me when I say that it is good to drink when you are thirsty.

She also disapproves of my clothes. All of them. She buys me lovely kaftan tops in velour fabrics and then wonders why I don't wear them Hmm.

wobblyweeble82 · 08/04/2011 02:29

My mother disaproves of my spontaneity. Apparently I'm too old to do things on whim, just because I fancy a change (I'm 28, and this is what I got told when I told her we were off to the forest for a walk and a picnic in the spring sunshine ...) I'm also dancing with the devil as I leave the clean pots on the draining board and don't put them away 'til the morning. Such a disappointment ...

Oh and if she disaproves of those, I can almost certainly guarantee she wasn't dancing round the kitchen in jubilation when I returned from university with a degree under my hat, and a 6 month old baby on my hip ... Ahem ...

sleepywombat · 08/04/2011 02:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerfulYank · 08/04/2011 02:44

Oohhhh Lord.

My mother:
*That I work (four hours a day FFS)
*That I moved DS' toys out of his room and into a "toy area" so he actually sleeps at night instead of playing
*That I married a Catholic and go to Mass with him occasionally
*That I married DH at all, but she's slowly coming around
*That I took DS to see a PG rated movie (How to Train Your Dragon, btw Hmm)
*That I go out with my best friend and then stay over at her house once a month
*That I painted my dining room brown
*That I don't drive (she might have a point with that one)
*That I live closer to ILS than I do to them
*That I discipline her perfect angel of a grandson
I could go on and on....

My father:
Probably lots of things, but nary a word does he speak. :o Love the man!

KenDoddsDadsDog · 08/04/2011 07:04

That I swear like a docker
That I am Catholic
That I gave DD an Irish name and she has an Irish passport

hogsback · 08/04/2011 07:19

Pretty much everything, particularly the whole living with another woman and having a DS with her thing. Apparently it's just a phase though and I'll grow out of it. She constructed an incredibly elaborate alternate reality about us that she tells all her friends. I believe we are a pair of kindly spinsters who took in a wee orphan abandoned on our doorstep.

Meglet · 08/04/2011 07:21

Only that I don't lose my rag quick enough with the dc's and I'm too patient with them. She might have a point there, whenever I get to snapping point their behaviour miraculously improves.

99% of the time she never criticises me because she's pretty tolerant.

blodau · 08/04/2011 07:32

My dad - nothing - or at least he doesn't say if there is.

My late mum was jealous of me I think and disapproved of:

  • my bf my dc
  • my working ft and not asking her for help with childcare (which would've been a very conditional situation)
  • having a bigger house than their's
juneau · 08/04/2011 07:36

My mother thinks:

  • I'm far too soft on DS and should be stricter (this extended to BFing on demand when he was a baby - she was one of those 'routine' advocates).
  • I don't do enough housework.
  • I don't make enough home-cooked meals for my family.
  • I should've potty-trained my DS when he was 18 months old (he's now 3.5 and STILL not potty-trained).
  • That I'm just generally lazy.

I don't know if my Dad disapproves of me, but I don't think so.

GruffalosGirl · 08/04/2011 08:50

That I bf past 9 months "enough is enough now"
That I don't feed DS cake every day - "it won't harm him"
That I have to buy new things because I either lose stuff or it gets broken as I haven't looked after it properly - she does have a point with this one though.

She is hugely supportive and won't hear a bad word about me though so I can't complain.

DF thinks I can do no wrong.

LucretiaInShadows · 08/04/2011 08:53

My mother disapproves of:

  • my tattoos

-lack of proper job (I'm self-employed in a professional role that's directly related to my degree)

-I'm 30 and not married (I wouldn't have committed to a hamster with my last 8 years' worth of boyfriends, never mind a life together. Ugh! Current DP is utterly fab but still quite new)

-I'm 30 and have no children yet (see above)

-What she sees as 1950's wife tendencies, eg yesterday I did some of DP's ironing. In context, he had run out of time to do it the night before because he was cooking me dinner, I'd got the day off work so had time, and he needed the clothes ironed to take me away for the weekend!

-I'm veggie

-I cook from scratch "life's too short to stuff a mushroom!"

Apart from the tattoos and the idiot boyfriends, my dad thought I was the bees' knees!

ScaredOfCows · 08/04/2011 09:01

I don't think my Dad really disaproves of anything. My mother though? I don't think she approves of anything, or anybody, certainly not me. Very challenging woman!

Ciske · 08/04/2011 09:03
  • Being frumpy (I have no sense of style)
  • Lack of decorum (I can be very, very straightforward)
  • Poor timing

To be honest, she's probably right to be criticial on all three points, but these bad habits are so deeply engrained into my character, they're not likely to go away.

yama · 08/04/2011 09:08

I can honestly say that my Mum is nothing but proud of me.

She would wince if she heard me swear though.

exhausted2011 · 08/04/2011 09:11

that's lovely yama.

QueenofDreams · 08/04/2011 09:14

hmm

*that I drink alcohol
*I don't go to church
*living with a man I'm not married to (although she never uses the phrase 'living in sin)
*having children outside of marriage ('so, is he going to make an honest woman of you then?' Grrrrrr)
*my atheist DP. Apparently by just saying that he doesn't believe in ghosts or demons he was 'spoiling for a fight all weekend' and 'poo-pooing' her beliefs.
*that I have a mind of my own and don't just jump to my parents' tune all the time
*that I live too far away. I should move closer (NOT going to happen there's a reason I moved this far away in the first place Grin)

My Dad is just a selfish, self-absorbed man-child

yama · 08/04/2011 09:15

Or maybe she has really low standards. Wink

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